Challenge Yourself - even in small ways

 As with every new year, there are a lot of people trying to get in shape.  I'll admit I've almost never been one of those people.  I am who I am.  Not great, not horrible. I know what I like to eat.  I know that I tend to be a bit lazy when it comes to physical fitness.  I know if I over indulge for a few days, then I need to eat healthier with extra salads if I want the trend to go back down instead of keep climbing up.  Maintaining the status quo for my weight has been my basic goal my entire adult life.  Since 1999 I have gained and lost 20 lbs slowly, and repeatedly.  I'm at the bottom of that 20 but even when I've been at the top I know that small tweaks will get me to good, not life changing diet and exercise.  Could I improve even more or faster if I did challenge myself? Sure.  But I also know I'd be setting myself up for (some form of) failure because any time I've tried to exercise I either stop after a month or two because I'm lazy or I keep at it but get pissed off because the scale doesn't move much.  In 2005 & 2006 I swam twice a week 30-45 mins at a time on and off for two years.  My weight didn't do a thing.  I joined a gym 5 years ago and worked out 3-4 times a week for 6 months.  I lost 4lbs.  In six months.  

Now, the logical part of my brain knows that I was probably gaining muscle while losing fat, and muscle weighs more than fat so therefore while the scale was not changing I was healthier (the only thing to keep me going before I had to stop due to osteoarthritis took over my lower half and literally everything hurt my knees).  But I was still pissed and considered it a failure.  

So instead for Christmas I asked my in laws for a recumbent cycle.  It is not physically challenging (can't change tension, it is simply for movement of joints without weight baring).  I sit on the couch and do it.  I do not sweat, my heart rate stays fairly calm.  But I have done it every day, 5 days a week for weeks.  Not for weight loss.  Simply to keep my knees and hips feeling as good as they can.  Because I didn't think of it as weight loss, it doesn't feel like failure at all.  I thought of it as a way to help my joints.  And I've have not had to ice my knees or heating pad my hips since.  HOLY SHIT is that a win!  Now, I know that this won't last forever as my condition is degenerative and the gel shot will continue to wear off etc.  But to draw this process out is good.  This was a slight challenge to myself and it feels good to feel good.  Feeling like a failure never feels good.  

So I thought what other way can I challenge myself and my thinking with during a cold, isolated covid winter?  What's something I wish I could do? Bread. Bake bread.  Not just any bread - sourdough.  I didn't think 'I'll do this because it's supposed to be the hardest bread to make'.  I didn't even know it at the time.  No, when I go to restaurants (back when we used to do that, remember?) and they offer toast or choice of bread for a sandwich; my first question is always "do you have sour dough?"  Maybe I was a sheltered child. Maybe it was offered but I was a picky eater.  But I remember the first time I actually had sour dough was in the right spot - San Francisco, CA when I was 17.  OMG I fell in love right then and there.  I can even remember what the interior of the restaurant looked like (sage green linens and all).  I think I had sourdough with every meal the rest of the trip.  

So I looked into it, and bought a started kit.  I named my blob of fermentation Mortimer.  I had read that since it's a living thing, you should name it.  And Morty sounded like a guy who could make good bread.  I read like 25 articles (I'm not kidding) as I daily fed and warmed my blob with nothing but the oven light.  After 10 days I decided it was ready to make (smelled like sour dough, had bubbles, etc. and I had been dreaming of it for 2 weeks now).  Nope! Worst.  Bread.  Ever.  It didn't rise.  It was the weight of a brick and just as thick & dense.  Had to trash it after a few bites from me, and one bite that was instantly spit out by my husband.  But I decided I was not going to just give up.  Because how many times as an adult do we do that?  Kind of figure, oh well I tried.  Yes, but only once.  Parents wouldn't let their kids get away with giving up something they really want to do just because they tried only once.  So I read another 25 articles or so, asked friends on social media for help, made several adjustments and TADA! one week later, I have made tasty (and more importantly edible!) sourdough bread.  Was it fantastic? No, there's still room for improvement.  But I did it.  I triumphantly gave Jeff a slice stating "You want to know what success tastes like?" Is it perhaps sad that I felt so triumphant over something so minimal in the grand scheme of life? No damnit!  Celebrate any win that you feel proud of.  

As President Bartlett would ask on the West Wing; "What's Next?"  There is something I've been looking into vaguely for 18 month on and off.  Night Photography.  I originally looked into it for our Grand Canyon trip as you see so many pictures in the desert of the Milky Way.  And how many of us have tried to take a picture of the moon on our phone for it to look like blurry shit?  Since my fathers passing in August, I have inherited his Nikon.  I think once it gets warmer out I might want to really take a deeper look into doing it right.  I learned a word/phrase in college that has stuck with me: intrinsic value.  Basically, I find something valuable and I can't explain why, it just is.  Why do I love night photography? I don't know why, I just do.  Why do I like the ability to bake my own sourdough, when I could just buy it in a store (for a lot less than I ultimately paid to make it myself)?  I don't know, I just do.  

I like to challenge myself and succeed.  And I think we're all too hard on ourselves.  I think we need to celebrate the small victories, because we all need to feel good.  Soak in self congratulations, even if it's something as simple as finally getting that sink full of dishes done.  Because with this stupid isolation of covid, we have all been our own best company this past year.  And so, if you're one of those people who has been trying harder at being 'healthier' in the new year (whatever that meant to you), I hope you remember to also take care of your mind & soul and celebrate yourself for challenges you've overcome.  

New furniture & snag with old furniture

 So the furniture we ordered from Ashley Furniture less than 4 weeks ago arrived today! Woohoo!  Now, I'm a little sentimental about my old furniture and I'll tell you why.  Back in mid 2004 I was 4 years out of college, 3 years into my career as an ad exec for local television stations, and this furniture was my first major purchase as an adult. My apartment had nothing but old donations from my parents.  So this was the first time I picked something out myself.  And I was able to afford it with cash thanks to how expensive advertising was in 2004 due to it being a presidential election year and a summer Olympic year. My single largest commission check was that summer just about to start my second year at the NBC station in Charleston West Virginia.  Ah - think back to what an innocent time 2004 was LOL.  Bush running for second term.  And I thought that was bad. Bwahahaha.  How naive I was.  But do you remember your first "I'm an adult!" major purchase? I mean sure, I had been living on my own for 3 years, paying rent and bills.  But this.  This was my choice.  Not only did I purchase the couch from Lazyboy and a chair & ottoman from Ashley.  I picked out end tables (that are now our nighstands in our bedroom), artwork (photo of Grand Canyon that's now in our dining room), wall sconces, pillows and a throw.  I mean I chose the entire look of that room to express 25 year old single working woman me.   

But after 16 and a half years, it was time for a new set - couch & chair. And thanks to the stimulus check that hit our account covering almost half the cost, this was our contribution to the economy.  Would have liked to have "shopped local" but all furniture around here is pretty much big box; but hopefully our sales gal at least got a commission.  

So about 15 years ago my brother bought a new couch that had this feature where the center back of the couch folded down as a table for between either side that I thought was just cool.  But having just recently purchased my black leather couch, it would just have to be envy.  But now we own one as Jeff agreed for us, it's a nice feature.  It also has cubbie holes in the arm rests for secret food and keeping junk out of site.

 Here it is with the center table folded down.  It didn't come in black so it's a realy deep chocolate brown.  I had set aside my laptop and little lap desk on it as I'm working from home.  The table also has two outles, USB port and two cup holders.  Shown here with White Sox mascot Southpaw pillowpet, that yes we talk to as if he's a real pet.  Because we're weird like that.  Power recliner and power headrest.  Feel like Chandler and Joey when they got new recliners.  Aaaahhhh!  And without how poofy the chair & ottoman we had were, we have about 3x3 feet of extra space now.  

But I had thought, at least I don't have to say goodbye completely yet to my old set as it would go down in the basement as we refinish it until we can pay for new stuff.  But there there is a problem.  Turns out we can't fit it down there.  Access to our basement is tucked under our stairs leading upstairs.  So along a wall, we have a little cut out that's about 3ft by 3ft. One side, is the basement door, the other is our downstairs coat closet. If you stand the couch on it's end, it's too tall to fit thru the door.  If you lay it down, it can't make the little turn.  So not only can we not have that old couch, we can't have any couch down there that is a) not a a sectional and b) is wider or taller that 3ft in order to pass the doorway.  So it might take a little longer for the basement to "look" totally finished if we don't have furniture for the TV area.  And now I need to go learn a bit about sectionals.  

Stairs down the door
to the left, closet opposite. Maybe 3x3 nook