An Ode to Pinterest....

Oh, How I love thee.  Let me count the ways!

#1:  You let me collect tasty recipes from several different websites in one place!  You are my new digital recipe box.  And because I am following some foodies, I'm trying to be more adventurous and expand my repertoire .  Ok, it's true - in the last month I have only made the homemade doughnuts.  And I pinned Paula Dean's meat loaf mainly to share as we LOVE it.  But I will be making the crockpot chicken & dumplings this Tuesday night.  I also have saved many appetizer type things because my husband's side of the family have so many events.  And we almost never bring anything.  We are horrible guests!  I plan to start bringing something more often.  And to do that, I need ideas.  So thank you Pinterest. 

Cinnomon sugar homemade Doughnuts: made with pilsbury biscuits

#2:  You have given me another "time waster" for football season.  And thankfully, this is one where I don't feel like I'm 'missing out' if I don't check you for several days (unlike the ultimate time waster of Facebook).  Before, I could be on my usual websites for about an hour and start to get bored...hell, that gets me only through the first half of the noon game!  Here it is Sunday at 5:45 and I said to Jeff "I've lost all track of time!" because I've been having too much fun on Pinterest.  Afternoon plans of laying around? Successfully accomplished!

#3:  Pinterest - you keep the dream alive!  I am able to pin ideas for when we have a baby. From the nursery, to photo ideas, to baby shower favors, etc. without feeling too crazy by say, making a registry.  I start to notice overall themes of what I like before I even really knew it.  AND I can day dream on home decor ideas.  Because I know some day we will move out of rental living and I can start putting together my dream house!  (Which seems to have a lot of organizational things pinned.  Clearly my OCD coming out even in day dreams.)

I seem to love trees for some reason.

#4:  I get funny, inspirational, and snarky comments right at my fingertips!  No matter if it's related to infertility, people in general or the internet - they make me smile.  And they have come in handy for on-hand comebacks on the internet!  Just this week I used one making fun of all the people that complained about the changes to facebook.  It was great to remind people that it's a free service and you don't have to use it.  But because I used a snarky photo it's like someone else said it for me.  Win/Win!

Jeff always tells me "Patience is a virtue that you just don't have."

and last but not least....
#5:  Gift ideas!  Last Christmas I had to make to many "favorites" for pages with gift ideas.  I spent one hour today looking for Christmas gifts for the 14 family members and I can't stress enough how great it is to have them all in one place.  I labled them with my thoughts, I added price and for who in notes section and now I've got a good start ...about one third done! 

My MIL collects Dickens Village figurines.  I found a website that has discontinued ones.

And so to you Pinterest - My cup runnith over with love.  For those of you few that actually follow my blog, if you do not follow me on Pinterest - please do! ((My name their is Katib77 or see link below)) And for those who have not tried it, I hope my Ode has helped you see the light (And I kept it just to five!  There are many other uses for it.)  As for me?  I'm off to go pin more ideas for life!
*A special shout out to my e-friend and follower Kathy4678 for leading me to the wonderland of Pinterest. 
http://pinterest.com/katib77/

This crap is exhausting!

So a post today on the bump, there was a woman that mentioned injects and her RE saying "they are a waste of time and money".  There was a lot of back and forth from other posters that reminded me it can all be based on diagnosis- like what's good for one person and their situation might not be for someone else who has a totally different diagnosis.  I was thinking "Ok, that makes sense." 

Only for her to come back and say basically "No, my RE means for everyone injects are a waste.  I'm not trying to stomp on your hope, but I don't want you to waste you money."  Admittedly this is paraphrasing what she said, but it's pretty damn close.  Thanks (*insert sarcasm*).  Heart officially stomped yet again.

We're on a fucking break from treatments.   All in order to do injects because we are out of pocket for all treatment.  I'm aware that after doing them, there is a large chance we still may not be pregnant but ....how about a little compassion?  A little tack? Is that too much to ask for from a board that is supposed to be supportive?  I've only felt kicked in the nuts two other times in over 18 months posting on the trouble TTC board.  That is one of the reasons I love my girls there - it's supportive.  I don't feel like I need to have my IF armor on when I go on.  But I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't think so casually, and remember that anyone, anywhere, has the ability to cut me deep down.  Sure, they don't mean it that way.  But it's like people who don't get IF saying "relax and it will happen".  They don't mean to hurt us; but they do. 

I don't know the point of this post other than to say, I've had been feeling really good lately about being responsible, and taking a break so we could afford the appropriate treatment step as laid out by my RE.  Only to now be feeling .....I don't know how to describe it.....  Deflated.  I am a deflated tire.  I am feeling like someone just came and let all the air out of me. 

Labor Day Weekend

So as I said in my last post, I was slightly worried about a weekend filled with social events.  Worried, at the prospect of having anyone ask me about IF.  I really wanted to have a weekend like old times, where it didn't even enter my mind.  I came SOOOOOOO close to getting my wish! 

Saturday we went to the Founders wrap up party.  It was Krisitin's 40th birthday, so Jeff made a lot of jokes about her age (he's just forty days away from turning 40 himself so they promised payback at his party).  He also had a lot of scotch, so his jokes were in rare form.  At one point I told him he was going to make beer come up my nose, and he said "the only thing that should cum up your nose is ME!" LOL, What?!?! But I didn't miss a beat, I turned to the host's wife and said "and this is why it burns when I sneeze."  Fun times.

Next came Sunday and our friend's wedding.  It was very pretty and I actually got Jeff to take several photos around the grounds (he hates having to pose for pictures).  I got to dress up (rare) and Jeff slow danced with me to about six songs (even more rare).  At this point, I had two days of not even thinking about IF.  But then the bride said she was sorry for the post I made regarding the facebook awareness game where ladies are putting "I'm blank weeks and craving blank". Ugh.  It's her wedding day, and she's apologizing to me about how I said it was insensitive to people suffering IF? It's the one time she should be totally thinking of nothing but herself and her new husband!   But oh well, easy to brush off and move on. 

Finally came Labor Day.  We woke up in the hotel, had breakfast, and spent an hour at the new Casino in Des Plaines before driving up to Gurnee to have family BBQ with Jeff's mom's side of the family.  It was very nice to sit around with family just chatting.  We got through almost the entire day and IF wasn't even mention.  That is until I'm hugging everyone good bye as we are about to leave and his aunt that was visiting from NC said to me "And don't worry.  I know a couple that tried for years and did treatment.  They finally adopted, only to end up having two biological children afterward."  I couldn't help it... I blurted out "I HATE when people say that.  It's like saying, spend thousands of dollars on useless treatment, spend another ten thousand to finally adopt a kid and *magically* you'll get pregnant."  She then tried to back track saying she didn't know if I believed in God but it all happens for a reason, and I may never ever know the reason.  Yeah. Thanks.  That helped so much.  Ugh.  I was sooo damn close to having a fabulous, non-IF related weekend.  Jeff hadn't heard the exchange and asked me hours later once we were back home.  After hearing it he said "Well, thanks for not murdering my aunt."  Oh well, at least 98% of the weekend was fun & relaxing.

Another on bites the Dust

So I have three close girl friends that I've known since I was 12.  Two have little girls that are two years old and the third is sadly stuck in my world of IF and started treatment with my RE recently.  (And if you're reading this since I decided to be brave last week and share my story fully with her - shout out to you Lauren!)  Of the two mommies - one called to tell me that she was pregnant with her second back in March (she's due at the end of October).  When she told me, it was when I was getting my period for my first treatment IUI cycle.  I was already very emotional from that and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was a short five minute conversation with me faking happiness.  I asked what I thought were common questions (ie When are you due? What did your husband say? Have you explained it to your daughter?) and then politely got off the phone so that I could cry.  I'm talking UGLY tears people.  The heartache took me a few days to get over.  I was feeling very "why not me?" which is understandable; considering.  But since then I am very happy for her.  Yes, jealously peaks in on me every now and then when I see her baby belly or she talks to me about the nursery.  But she's very great about it.  She doesn't even mention the pregnancy unless I bring it up.  We talk about other things.  She does not complain about anything pregnancy related.  It's wonderful.

Fast forward to yesterday.  Mommy friend number two calls to tell me she's pregnant with number two and will be due in April.  Again like my previous post about perspective, it's amazing what time does to a person.  Instead of getting off the phone quickly or cryin afterward, we talked for an hour - and not a tear shed all day.  What I found sad though is how apologetic she was.  Almost sounding depressed.  I tried to reassure her that this is happy news, and not to feel bad because of my situation.  Her being lucky, does not have a single thing to do with if I can get pregnant or not.  I wish that obviously I could be sharing the news with her, but that's not my story right now.  I hold on to hope and semi-confidence that some day soon it will be.  I explained to her that last winter I was in a very "Angry at the world" mood and anything and anyone telling me about being pregnant would annoy the crap out of me for no other reason then I hated IF.  - - And don't get me wrong people, I still have my moments or days - - but they are fewer and far between now. 

They say that time heals all wounds, I don't think that it's fully true.  Time puts a scab on that wound that helps protect it, and sometimes that scab gets ripped off.  But more often then not, it does what it needs to do - protects the delicate tissue just below the surface by having a tough outer shelf.  I am currently thankful that the scab has given me the ability to be truly happy for my friend from the start. 

Now I just hope no one rips it off this weekend while I'm around a lot of friends and family.  Social events still leave me a little jittery about "what if someone asks me about it or make an inappropriate comment?"  It's a much harder thing to deal with when it's directed right at me.  Three days, four events.  Wish me luck!