IVF baseline Stats

So it's start time!  Got all my meds yesterday.  Had my baseline today.  Start meds on Friday.  And will have follow up monitoring on Monday.  Hells Yeah!!  As for the blood work done today:

E2:  52
FSH:  7
LH:  5.6
P4:  0.2

Now I know the E2 is the estrogen and before I start growing follies this will be low.  The number goes up and they grow and each mature egg produces 200-300.  So based on U/S counting follies and this number they can take a guess at how many they can retrieve at the last monitoring appt I have.  (Which will be probably weekend after next).

And I know P4 is progesterone, which after a BCP cycle of rest or at the start of any cycle should be almost non-existent.  I also know that FSH stands for Follicle Stimulating Hormone, but since I have not started to take meds yet I really don't know what it should be so I'll just believe them when they say this level is good.  Ditto for the LH level (Luteinizing Hormone).  I might go hop around the blogosphere to see what successful IVFers had.

As for my ultrasound - as she said "Alls quiet on the Western front".  Quiet ovaries just like we want.  AFC of 19 is what she told me but when they just called they said 21.  I don't know which to believe but since I was happy with 19 I'll take either.  It's like in the IVF web world manual to take a pic of your meds so that some day you can say "This is everything I took to get you" so here it is...

Isn't it a pretty stash of drugs?  

I have to give a shout out to my #75strong girls.  When I heard the Ganirelix would be $840 out of pocket I put a message up on our FB board at 9:30am.  By 2:30 I had three girls mailing me the amount I needed (it's the nine blue boxes in the back)  I asked on Wednesday and by Monday they had all arrived.  The three grey boxes front and center is the Follistim another #75strong gal gave me last year after she adopted her son (who was born on my birthday!).  She sent me enough to do our last two IUIs and this IVF.  And I should still have enough to pay it forward and donate the leftovers since I can't imagine I need 2700iu.  Thankfully it's good until spring of 2014 so there's plenty of time for others to use it too.  So four kinds of injectable meds (with plenty of needles), two oral pills (also not pictured is my PNV, baby aspirin, 600mg of CoQ10 I take per day) and the oh-so-yucky vaginal suppositories.  A friend of mine at work said "Only you would be excited to get a box of needles and something to shove up your who-ha."  Nah, girl...you just have not met enough IVFers!  

So there it is folks, the start.  I will be updating with boring stats throughout the cycle.  And any ramblings to just word-vomit to get it out of my head.  Next appt. Monday Sept 23rd.  

started BCP

So I went in for my suppression cycle baseline.  Great news is my AFC was 10 on left and 11 on right.  You might remember that my AFC the last two cycles were not as good and I figured this was because I am now over the dreaded 35, where they label you AMA (advanced maternal age).  But that count is as good as it was three years ago (I believe).  So that's good.  The tech used to say I had the ovaries of a 23 year old, and with this AFC, I kind of feel like it.  And they didn't call me with any issues on my blood work so I guess there was no concerns there.
So I started birth control pills on Friday.  Now, those of you not in the infertility world are saying Birth control? Why?  I'm on what's called the antagonist protocol where they suppress my ovaries to let them rest before we kick them into over drive.  The good thing with this protocol is no lupron shots so the amount of sticking myself with needles is less.
I'm trying to psych myself up for this.  But work right now is starting to drive me a nutty and making it hard for me to think of much else.  Sad, because I said when I started retail that the best difference between that and commission sales is I can leave work at work and when I'm home be home.  Leave it at the door if you will.  Low stress.  And yet it's become stressful.  And the thing that I'm excited about the most currently for the cycle (other than hoping it works) is the time I've told them I'm taking off for the cycle.  I am taking the last week in Sept to work only 3-4 shifts of four hours (total of maybe 12 hours) then I'm taking a week and a half off for the egg retrieval and egg transfer and bed rest.  And I know you guys that have been through IVF are like "That's not needed!  You only need maybe four days total."  But I know that it hurts me to walk around 8 miles a day at work at a speed walkers pace when I have three follies growing, so I cannot imagine the pain of it with more follies.  I've seen enough about torquing ovaries from simple yoga or whatever that screw it - I'm not chancing anything.  And they always say keep your stress at a minimum so again  - if I can afford the time off damn it I'm going to take it.  If I had a desk job or couldn't take the time off, well that'd be different.  But if this is our one and only shot at a fresh cycle I am doing everything possible to help this work.  So yeah - I'm seriously looking forward to have the excuse to have my little stay-cation.  And do almost nothing.  And get away from the drama.  Aaaaahhhh!!!
But so the BCP...my mom asked me today how I'm dealing with being on them.  Ummm...have not noticed one side effect.  Oh wait, I do have two zits that popped up.  So there's that.  And I reminded her it's only been three days.  But thankfully no matter how it gets, I'm only on it for the next two weeks until Sept. 15th.  And as I pointed out, hell I've been on much stronger hormones in treatment cycles then what might be in this little pill.  So here we go.

To In Vitro...And beyond!

I feel like a space explorer...  about to boldly go where I have never gone before.  I am about to enter, the infertility world of IVF.  The thing that infertility has taught me is that the common person believes this is the only treatment.  So most might be surprised that it's taken us four years to get to that point.  But four years, six treatment cycles, five IUIs, and one miscarriage later that is where we are finally headed.

I've talked before but now the plan is more solidly in place.  I had my RE consult (which I've blogged was mainly just him explaining how it worked) three weeks ago.  And yesterday I had the nurse consult.  That was going over what I specifically will be doing.  Um...why can't these be done in the same consult?  Why insist on two appointments?  Cha-Ching?  But I digress.

I will be starting birth control pills after my baseline from my next period. Which is about 10-12 days from now.  I will be on the BCP for about three weeks and stopping them Sept. 18th, have another baseline and start stims on Sept 20th so that I will be ready to have egg retrieval and egg transfer in my RE's "October Window".  Since he only works in the Highland Park IVF clinic two weeks a month this will have me ready to go sometime between Oct. 1st - 11th.  I tend to stim fast so I expects to go in for ER in that first few days.  I will be on 150iu of Follistim and two vials Menopur and add Ganirelix   towards the end.  And of course Estrace, Endometrim, etc. etc. etc.  And oooooh, a valium for ER.  Drug induced haze!  I've never taken a valium and thought it was funny that she said it was more to relax my uterus then to relax my mind...but it will help with that too.  I thought for sure it was to just relax me, who knew my uterus would be tense too LOL.  And I'm sure other drugs I'm forgetting because, well, it's a long ass list.  But I was told I am on the "easiest protocol"  yet never actually told what protocol that is.  I've heard of "long lupron" or "short lupron" (and FYI I'm not even on lupron of any kind!  I was told BCP is enough of a suppression for me, and I forgot to even ask about lupron.  I think I'll try to get clarification on why I'm not taking it next appointment.)  And I've heard of antagonist protocol...but who knows what they're calling this?  I sure don't.
**Update an hour later, after some quick searching on the internet it appears Ganirelix use is what they refer to as antagonist protocol.  Good to know!**

So with that said,  16 days from my ER will be my beta.  So two months from now I could be getting my results.  Which happens to be the due date of our miscarriage.  And a day after Infant Loss awareness day.  Ouch.  I'm in for being one hot mess.

Now, I know some of you watched Giuliana & Bill's TV show.  Do you remember their IVF at their Chicagoland doctor?  It's that office.  I've been there once before but yesterday I got a tour of the whole place.  Waiting & recovery room, room for ER and ET, embryologist room where they actually do the in vitro and watch them grow and cell division (nerd utopia!  I'd love to watch that!)  and the cryolab where the frozen embryos for FET hang out (and where our little ones, if any extras make it to freeze - fingers crossed) will live for up to a year or more) and the "Husband Rooms" for his sample time.  And you know what I said "Looks just like it did on TV."  Because I remember that episode of G&B, with the inlaws in the waiting room and such.  So now you can picture (if you saw it) where the magic will happen.

So here goes nothing!  Only two weeks left til we get this show on the road!

July recap - So much going on!

OK - so the IF stuff first since that's why most all of you follow me.  We had our IVF consult on Monday and really it was just my RE explaining in detail what IVF is and how it works.  Since I've known sooooo many of my support eFriends that have gone through it I knew everything he said - but I think it was good for Jeff to hear it from someone other than me and in a continuous telling.  (I think he's heard it all piece-meal from me over the years).  And we got the packet from the nurse - where filling it all out feels like you're buying a house.  But I had to pump the brakes when they kept saying "next cycle we'll do X" because I was like "Hey!  We still don't have a price!  I was told once you guys put in my protocol THEN the finance department can give me an exact price and that will determine if we can do this now or have to wait until November."

Well finance got back to me the next day and I was not happy with the news.  They want $5,000 up front since our new coverage is only $3,500 for procedures (don't get me wrong - after three years of IF without any coverage I am most thankful for negotiated rates) but it's still small in the IF world of coverage.  So she explained say they bill $10k (what our OOP cost would have been) and our insurance negotiated rates bring it down to $7,000.  Then they pay $3,500 of that and we owe the other $3,500.  This is taken out of our $5,000 deposit.  THEN if we have any frostie embryos to freeze it's another $1,100 for freezing and storage for a year.  Then they'll give us a credit back for the $400 or so that's left over (give or take a few hundred).  Oh man was Jeff angry at this.  He says its like insurance fraud.  That they basically want to earn interest on our 5K until they get paid from insurance.  But my mom and others have said "Well, they must have been burned enough by patients not paying" to have this practice.  And I do know from my girls that it's customary to have to pay it up front.  But that put us at November in order to pay for it because Mid October is when we'll be finished paying off the current 401K loan.

But then yesterday Jeff looked into our HSA and that loan and said "what if we can scrimp and pay off the loan early (we're so used to the money just coming out of his paycheck I hadn't even thought of just paying them off LOL stupid me.)  So we hope to pay the loan off by Sept. 15th paycheck and get a new 401K loan and we'll have $2,000 on the HSA Visa by Oct. 1st that we can start in early October instead of November.  I know a month isn't much but I was worried about holidays closing down the clinic and screwing with my IVF calendar so I'm happy we figured out how to move it up.  And really?  Oct. 1 is two months away!  Bring it!  So I'll spend the next two months working on exercising and eating healthier in prep for it.

Next topic:  My mom.  Her surgery on Wednesday went wonderfully!  It was their "best case scenario" where they were able to do everything laparoscopic and it took four and a half hours.  I just got off the phone with her.  She's to be released this afternoon just four days in the hospital and today for the first time in five days was allowed to eat food! Bariatric soft diet but still, she sounded so happy to be able to eat runny scrambled eggs and oatmeal.  And since they said there was a possibility of a feeding tube, it's so amazing to think instead just four days later she can eat soft foods!  Anyway, very happy.

Next topic: Founders!  New park was amazing.  We got so many compliments on how well we pulled off the move and how much space and better for the fest it was.  It did rain almost all day Friday so that day was close to being a total loss but the sun finally came out the last few hours of the day and the bands played for three hours.  The 5 & 10K that I'm in charge of went off great.  140 people in it which while not amazing was not bad.  It's about on par with usual and after expenses for the timing company and some small costs I brought in almost $3K for the fest (money goes to local charities and to put on the next year's town fest).  And I only had one person complain, that's like unheard of the last three years I've been in charge of it!  And it's the same complain every year - they want clocks at mile markers.  Dude get a watch or an ap for that!  We're not spending money on it, deal with it!  But I'm glad I had a good year to end on to pass it off to someone else.  I hope for next year's fest I am a big PG lady that needs her sleep!!

AND my BBF Brit has been in town for a week from Georgia.  Whew!  It's been a crazy past ten days! And because I love photos so much I'll end this with several pics.  For those of you having a hard IF day, turn away as there will be many shots of little ones and their cuteness.

Drinking Sat for Girl Night Out (it was 54 degrees! in July!)

Starting gun goes off for the race

My friends and their kids and parents for the parade

View of the River from Port Eds before fireworks

 Cardboard Boat Regatta ages 12 and under 

Rainbow over the carnival and food vendors after Fridays rain

What's going on with my mom

So I had not shared with you guys what has been going on with my mom. A ?month? ago she went to the ER with chest pains and inability to swallow well. It was discovered after hours of tests that her stomach has gone partially above her diaphragm and was laying along her esophagus. This is what's known as an Esophageal Hiatal Hernia. 

Later it was discovered it was very severe as 80% of her stomach is above the diaphragm in her upper chest cavity. After several tests (EGD, MRI etc) that she's had over this time they've finally set the surgery for July 31st. 

It is considered a massive surgery requiring two surgeons and best case scenario it takes four hours and can be done laparoscopically. She'd be in the hospital for five days and on a special diet for three months, with the first week being all liquid and gradually working up from there but no red meat for all three months. 

Worst case, they have to open her chest cavity up because they can't get it all done laparoscopically, and she has to have a feeding tube installed and stay in the hospital for a full month. She was told part of her sack that holds the stomach is now attaching to the sack that holds her heart. This is what freaked me out. The idea that they need to cut at anything around her heart.

My mom is 64 and a hospice nurse. She can't return to work until mid Sept and is worried about how to perform her job with how she'll have to be eating every three hours and special meals. It was just so freaking hard to hear my mom crying on the phone today saying "I don't feel like an old lady. I'm not ready to be an old lady." 

Those that know me personally - know I talk to my parents four times a week minimum.  I can't imagine anything happening to her yet.  She's too young, it's too early, she's always been the healthy one of my parents.  Anyway - I've been crying a bit since talking to her because I can hear how scared she is.  She says nurses make horrible patients because they have to give up control, and I can hear just how much she feels she's having to give over.  My poor mommy. :(  But she was happy I was still able to get her to laugh today.  AND she loved hearing about my saline sonogram adventure yesterday.  So at least I could bring a little sunshine to her cloudy day.  

Anyway - Any thoughts you can send are greatly appreciated. Jeff keeps talking of seeing if I can take some time off work to go down and visit since we live in Chicago and my parents live in Oklahoma. It will be hard financially but I'm thinking I'm going to try to make it work in Mid August for three or four days. Which if she's in the hospital for 5 days, she'll have been home for several days. Also - if you have any great smoothie recipes I've told my dad I've started pinning them for when she's home, I'd appreciate it.

My Mom and Me at my wedding June 2009

Check another thing off the list!

So had my saline sono/mock transfer today.  I had watched a YouTube video here that let me know what to expect and it was exactly like that.  Well, exactly except that he said "this won't hurt a bit" then I explained I've been told by his nurses that I have a stubborn cervix.  After trying once he said "They're right.  This may hurt a bit now since I have to slightly dilate your cervix."  It took that, and three different catheters before success.  But good news - no polyps or fibroids.  A "Great looking uterus".  Thanks Doc.

Is it odd that I've been seeing this man for three years and this is the first time I've seen him where I'm not fully clothed and in his office?  My RE always does the plan and looks at info but the actual U/S and IUIs have all been done by nurses and ultrasound techs.  I almost laughed out loud when a thought went through my head "Usually when I have a man's head between my thighs, I'm enjoying it a lot more than this."  I'm crude, I know.  But seriously, I had to stifle a giggle.

The irony of the day came when I was in the waiting room before hand.  They had the Price is Right on.  And it was "expecting mothers" episode.  Ugh.  Then in the five minutes I was watching, the winner up on stage with her beautiful six month baby bump was asked her due date.  Oct. 16th.  My EDD for our miscarriage chemical pregnancy.  Just twist that knife a little more, thankyouverymuch!  So now I have Alanis Morissette in my head singing "Isn't it Ironic?  Dontcha think."  Yes, Alanis - this is my 2000 spoons when all I need is a knife.  But at least with the man of my dreams, I *AM* is beautiful wife.

So 13 days until our consult.  It's coming up faster than I thought it would.  And of course, while they were there, they took a peak.  16mm follie on the right - not that it means anything with our MFI and LPD.  But I've never known how well things are going on a natural cycle so it was like "OK, kind of how I'd expect for cd10 for me."

The Official Photo and IVF thoughts...

So around our one year anniversary I think is about the time pinterest came around but that doesn't seem right - I think it's only been around for about two years?  Maybe I'd heard the idea elsewhere.  Taking a picture every year on our anniversary.  Well that first year I took a selfie of us.  And the next year the day of completely forgot!  But two days later we were at a wedding and a friend took a picture of us.  I decided to call that our "anniversary" picture for that year.  Que 3rd anniversary - another selfie.  And our fourth? Yep, forgot again.  What is it with even years that I can't remember to do it?  Well four days later on Father's Day I asked my SIL to take the "official" 4th year photo.  I don't know what exactly I plan to do with these but for some reason feel compelled to have them. So here they are in order...

Year One - This is in our kitchen right before we ate the piece of cake from the top.

And yes, I'm aware I'm wearing the same bolero sweater in each.  Oops!  What I find funny is that Jeff is wearing a different outfit but his tie is so similar to that shirt LOL.

Year 3 - out at Lake Geneva.    I don't really care for the pic but getting Jeff to take multiple photos is like seriously impossible so it will have to do.

Year 4 - Fathers Day at Arlington Race Track.  Considering I'd just taken my hair out of a pony tail and Jeff was sweating from the heat it's a darn cute pic of us.

So finally made the calls and got a hold of people at RE's office last week about moving on to IVF.  I need a saline sono which will probably happen late next week or early the next week.  And I need my AMH hormone tested since it's been three years since I had that drawn. AND talked with the financial lady.  She says she can't give us a exact amount until our appointment with RE on July 29th because it depends on protocol etc.  But should be around $6,000-$7,000 (not including meds but I have enough Follistim from eFriend Bethany to cover that need and $3,500 in med coverage from new IF insurance to cover the rest), insurance will pay about $3,000 of that.  So $3,000 to $4,000 OOP still (I thought it'd be cheaper!) our HSA will cover about $1,500.  So now it's $1,500-$2,500 OOP.  To have this money we will just take a small 401K loan because while we have about $400 a month in our monthly budget for incidentals lately they've paid for our vacation in May, Birthdays and Anniversaries, paying down debt to buy a house and life so we've not been saving it.  ((Again because I'd thought IVF was about $4-5,000 with insurance and thought we'd only be OOP for maybe $500-$1,000)).  To take this loan out, we have to wait until October when another 401K loan we took out to pay for our wedding is paid off.  Yes, it took us four years and four months to pay back our wedding.  We had one HELL of a wedding people!  But if we only take out $2,000 it will take a year to pay it back so totally worth it in our minds.  **BUT** this will set our IVF into late Oct or November unless the cost is lower than she guesstimated.  I really am hoping she was wrong, that they won't feel we need ICSI since he has good morph, and since I ovulate on my own that I'll need less monitoring etc. then she was thinking (we didn't even talk about my Dx or Jeff's morph so I am basically hoping that she was going off worst case people).  Then we can still plan for late Sept. early Oct.

But for now - - - it's July and that means almost everything for the next month will be about Founder's Days (see previous summer's posts on this town fest if you really want to know what the hell I'm talking about).  But I did finally say out loud to the board that I will be stepping down from being in charge of the 5 & 10K run.  I think they think I'm just saying that because it's almost here.  But I'm fully serious.  I have not done well with it this year because when I should have started doing things for it was when I was busy having a miscarriage.  I've lost most of my will to do it.  And sadly, now because I slacked I feel behind and don't want to do much because it reminds me of why I'm behind - and then I think of my angel baby.  Makes me want to avoid it.  But I can't.  Maybe a stupid association but I can't help it.

PLUS (But somewhat unrelated) my cousin's girlfriend is PG, and due ten days after I should have been.  And they just found out it's a boy.  And have u/s pics up.  And all I can think of is "That's the size my baby would be", "I'd be able to find out gender already if my baby was still alive."  It's making right now a little tougher.  I know you guys are thinking "Hide him on FB" but then I'd also have to hide a few relatives that comment on it, so it still shows up in my feed.  AND call me masochistic but it's like a car accident.  I can't help but look.  Ugh.

Anyway, I don't want to be in charge next year because what if this IVF works?  I'd be giving birth a month before the race!  And. And. And.  So I just can't.  Seriously.  I can't.  I'll explain it to them later, like in a more casual setting, instead of at a board meeting.  Because, really.  Who wants to talk about miscarriage and IVF in a board meeting?  Well, that's enough ramblings for now.  I really need to fold laundry and get ready for work.