The Griffin's (Halloween)

This is the finished product.  I thought Jeff's pants were more "green" until he pulled them out and I was like...Oh, they are really just a greenish-khaki arent they?  And trying to attach the "balls like chin" was hard.  But the little Stewie Doll is what made the outfit.  I could only find a nerf football that was his head.  Then I had to buy a baby doll and cut off her head with a box knife & super glue the football on.  Then I made his red romper out of an old tank top of mine.  He came out so darn cute, and only 40 minutes to create.  I also made Jeff a "Vote Adam West for Quahog Mayor" button.  The orange hair was a pain!  That spray on stuff flakes off on everything! Any time I touched my hair, my hands were orange.  And my shirt.  And my coat, and Jeff's arm when he would put his arm around me.  Ack!  Some of the women at the party think I should dye my hair strawberry blonde. 

IF Responce worth keeping for the future

So we had (yet another) person come to my lovely home message board, Trouble Trying to Conceive (3T) talking about how they've been trying for "four months!!"And I wrote the following response.  Please note that since I have not figured out the simplest of copy and paste with e-blogger, I am re typing this and might add a little from original.

Four Months of trying? Hmmm, for me that was back in November of 2009! 

Talk to me when you've been trying for over two years.  When you've seen friends & co workers have not one baby, but are ready to pop out their second little one.  Talk to me when you are a whole year past "natural" remedies such as herbal teas, POM juice, pineapple cores, and the like.

Talk to me after you've had several doctors and nurses put a dildo shaped camera thrust into your ute, had a tube of your husband's sperm inserted past your cervix, or had your ovaries get an extra workout from hormones meds & shots in your stomach. 

Talk to me after you've spent a year explaining to people that infertility doesn't mean you are "broken" when family or friends who mean well are telling you to seek adoption or having someone else carry a child for you. 

Talk to me after you've had to save pennies here and there to afford your out of pocket infertility treatments, since most insurance companies feels making a family is a "want" and not medically needed.  (Yet somehow giving a senior aged man an erection is?!) 

Talk to me when you've had to put your treatments on hold due to financial reasons, miscarry, or have cysts that can cause you bodily harm.

Talk to me after you've gone through all of that, and then continue to see negative pregnancy tests for the 15th, 25th, or for me in a few days - the 32nd cycle in a row. 

Talk to me then.  Because until then, if you think we're all just a little nuts?  Well I don't give a rats ass!  And no, I don't need to take a deep breath and relax.  Because you just gave me a therapeutic outlet to rant to all the people in the world who are like you, and think that four months of trying to get pregnant without results is "having trouble".  Honey, you don't know what trouble is yet.  But if God forbid, you have to join our little group some day, talk to me then.  Because I would be pleased to be a sounding board for your rants, a shoulder to cry on in your down times, a cheer leader for when you're going through treatment, a happy supporter when you find success & get pregnant and a sister in this world of IF  hell.  Until then, go away!

**I added that last part in bold just now because it seems to be a nicer ending for anyone in the future I may need to repost this too.  Sadly, I have a feeling I might refer to this at least once a month.  And a quick shout out to The West Wing, for teaching me a bit about good oratory (even though this is not a speech, repetition  and comparing one that's not like another is still a great way to argue a point.)  And anyone wanting to use this feel free....I only ask for credit for my type A personality because I'm proud of this one.

Halloween

So let me start this off by saying, I used to LOVE Halloween.  Cancel that.  I still love Halloween!  But my husband has never been a big fan.  I don't really know why, except to say that some people just are not into it.  But for the past four years and change, we've not done anything for the holiday.  Sure I pass out candy.  And yes, two years ago I insisted on wearing devil horns to weekly bowling.  But from him ...nada. 

*~*~Flash back to years past~*~*

Knife to head & Ghostbuster '99

Marsha Brady & Hooter Girl '03

  My BFF since I was 15 (and friend since we were 12) would dress up every year.  For two of the four years I lived in Iowa & West Virgina she even traveled to come to my boss's HUGE Halloween party.  Yes, she drove from Chicago to West Virgina for a Halloween party!  She was my party go-to girl.  So why didn't we just go out us girls these past four years?  Well, she got married, and had a kid (and is five days past her due date for kiddo #2 today)  So now instead of winning contests in Bars for best costume - she's making neighborhood mom's jealous for coming up with awesome family costumes.

2010 - Granny, Little Red Riding Hood & the Big Bad Wolf

Popeye, OliveOil & Sweet Pea

** Back to Present Day** 
I have actually convinced Jeff to go to his sister's Halloween party.  The catch?  It's also a sex toy party.  At HIS SISTERS.  Yeah, that might be a bit awkward.  But I'm so looking forward to dressing up again!!  We came up with three costume ideas. 
A)  Axel & Slash (of early '90's G'n'R fame)
B)  Lois & Peter Griffin from Family Guy
C) Cher & Sonny Bono (but Sonny would be right after he hit the tree skiing)

Jeff really liked the Sonny & Cher (He thought of that one) but he wanted ski goggles, a pole with branches taped to it, blood, a fake mustache, etc.  for him.  Plus we'd need to buy me a wig & I'd have to walk around in hooker boots & tight dress all night.  I think he finally nixed that idea because of cost & effort. 

So I thought we'd go with Axel & Slash.  We'd still need to buy a wig (for DH) and a top hat, and a red bandanna but we'd both get to wear jeans & T shirt (with me adding a plaid flannel around my waist). 

But no...final decision came down to Lois & Peter Griffin.  We already own the clothes that they wear, so I just need to spray my hair orange & carry around a stuffed Stewie doll.  (And Jeff is going to use makeup to make his chin look like balls).  So tonight I was web surfing for pics of them....I am afraid for America because I found waaaaay too many "sexy" photo's of the cartoon Lois!  Crazy!  But wish us luck!  I will post a picture of us after Saturday!  Hope everyone else has a great Halloween!

Doctors, Doctors, & More Doctors!

And I thought dealing with treatment cycles for infertility are a pain in the arse!  Jeff had another trip to the ER and overnight stay in the hospital.  We just got home.  So for those of you keeping score at home; that's One visit to primary care doc, a trip with 7 hours in ER & 19 hours admitted hospital stay overnight, a three hour trip to immediate care, an appointment with an allergist, and another day with 3hours in ER & 14 hours admitted hospital stay over night.  IN TEN DAYS!!  Thirty-eight hours of our lives, nine doctors, eight nurses and three trips to walgreens.  AND THEY STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S ALLERGIC TO!!!!   Eight docs think it's the ACE-inhibitor.  One thinks it's baby aspirin.  All of them think there is a very small chance it's the macadamia nut cookie from 11 days ago.  I just hate that we have been told a billion thinks, yet no one is able to give us a real answer...to anything!  What caused this? How long will it last?  Why does he have periods of having a hard time breathing, hard to swallow?  Why do the hives keep going away and coming back?  And no one wants to say for positive sure that the drug he's on to help - that he's not allergic to it and maybe that's why the hives keep returning.  Mother Fucker!!  I wish someone would have offered him sleeping pills since the steroid makes it so he only sleeps an hour at a time.  He can't live much longer on only 3 hours of sleep a night!  The only bright spot is two people today told us if it's the drug allergy that 8 of 9 think it is, it will be out of his system within two weeks of the last pill.  It's been ten days.  Only a few more to go before this SHOULD be over. Right?!?!?!  Right?

Catching up on the last two weeks

It's been a very busy last few weeks here at the Juice-ski's household!  We had the annual "Polish Thanksgiving" on September 24th.  At it, I gave my BFF her baby present/house warming gift of a family tree & celebrated my SIL's birthday.  Mother-In-Law Juice-ski did a great job (as always) of throwing a great party and putting together some tasty Polish dishes.

pic of family tree I gave to BFF Barb

The next weekend we had a surprise party of our friend Kristin from Founder's Days for her 40th birthday on Saturday followed by a Bump get together on Sunday.  The GTG was only four of us gals (their four babies and two of the husbands).  I was the only one that's not a "success story" (ie have a child) so it was a little depressing.  But I couldn't resist going and meeting the cute babies these e-friends/bloggers I have come to know so well through as a member of the Bump and from following their blogs once they got pregnant.

Then this past week my friend and fellow IF'er Lauren told me she too is PG (This makes all three of my closest friends PG all at once - at least until Barb gives birth in about 8 days).  Obviously since I don't wish IF struggles on anyone and want to see ART (assisted reproductive technologies) work - I am thrilled for Lauren.  I have only had a little bit of heartache from the fact that I've been struggling with it longer, and that we're out of pocket - while she was able to quickly do two cycles because of insurance coverage.  When she told me on the phone she said "I wish I could do it for you" and I snipped at her because at first I thought she meant have my child for me (which any infertile women knows is a slap in the face....like "You're broken, I can do it!") but she clarified and said "No, I mean give you my insurance coverage.  Pay for your treatments."  Me too, Lauren. Me too!  But oh well, three more months until next treatment cycle.  And I just have to think - maybe that one will work and then all four of us girls will have kids born within 12 month.  Barb's being Oct. 2011, Brit's April 2012, Lauren 2012 & mine Oct/November 2012.  Hey, a girl can dream right?  When we were in high school, Brit talked about having our families have BBQ's and such as grownups.  I said "Be realistic!  Who knows if we'll still be friends then!"  Now it's 21 years since we became friends and I've bought into that daydream. :)

This weekend was Jeff's 40th Birthday Party!!  It's the first party I've ever thrown so I was worried - but it went off great!  Only thing is I ordered too much food & cake (so we're eating left overs) and of the 65 people Open House format, some people came and left too early while some showed up too late and the party was almost over!  I should have not put "open house" and not started the party until later - to have a bigger group there all at once.  But Jeff seems to have had a great time, I got to enjoy a bunch of it, and most importantly  - - - it's over!  His actual birthday is Thursday, we both took Friday off work so I'm looking forward to a three day weekend to just kick back and enjoy each other's company.

And finally - today's 'excitement'.  Apparently Jeff had a severe allergic reaction to something (we're now suspecting the Macadamia nut cookie he had after dinner last night).  He called me at 9:45am today saying he was coming home from work with "welts on his groin, butt and armpits & half of his face paralyzed".  He showed up with a fat lower lip and hives covering over half his body.  By noon the lower half of his face was swollen - he does not look like my baby and it's hard to see him like this.  But the doctor gave him steroids and by 5pm - the hives are almost gone!  If only the swelling on his face would go down!!  He keeps saying lines from Forrest Gump as Bubba with his lower lip sticking out "Shrimp creole, shrimp kabobs" that make me laugh- but it looks painful.  I would take a picture of it if it wasn't so freaky looking that I honestly never want to see it again!!  My poor man!  And with that I'm off to make us some soup and hopefully have an uneventful tomorrow.

***Update.  I wrote the above post Tuesday night thinking "I'll add pics of the get together and Jeff's party later and upload the post.  Never did because we spent Thursday and most all of today in the hospital.  Jeff's hives went away but then Wednesday night he started having trouble swallowing.  Then chest pains.  Welcome to the Emergency Room!  After eight hours there, Hey! Let's get admitted to the hospital so we can actually have a room (instead of a bed in a hallway of the ER).  What a way to spend your 40th Birthday right?  Poor guy!  I told the nurse as I was leaving last night at 9pm, "He didn't get an Italian Ice with his dinner as he ordered.  It's his birthday, and it's been really crappy.  Can you make sure he gets that little treat?"  I broke down crying when I left him at 7pm to get some dinner myself because it was the closest I've ever seen to him crying.  (The fact that he was stuck there in the hallway on his birthday, not that he didn't get the Italian Ice LOL).  I just hate that I couldn't do anything for him.  ANYWAY, this is now becoming an insanely long post...They now believe it's a medication he's on.  Not the cookie.  It's an ACE-inhibitor that this reaction is not uncommon, even after taking it for a year.  So at 3pm he was finally discharged and we're home, with orders for a relaxing, do-nothing weekend.  Yes, Doctor...I hope to follow those directions fully!

Oh, and I'll load those pics in another post once I get around to it!

An Ode to Pinterest....

Oh, How I love thee.  Let me count the ways!

#1:  You let me collect tasty recipes from several different websites in one place!  You are my new digital recipe box.  And because I am following some foodies, I'm trying to be more adventurous and expand my repertoire .  Ok, it's true - in the last month I have only made the homemade doughnuts.  And I pinned Paula Dean's meat loaf mainly to share as we LOVE it.  But I will be making the crockpot chicken & dumplings this Tuesday night.  I also have saved many appetizer type things because my husband's side of the family have so many events.  And we almost never bring anything.  We are horrible guests!  I plan to start bringing something more often.  And to do that, I need ideas.  So thank you Pinterest. 

Cinnomon sugar homemade Doughnuts: made with pilsbury biscuits

#2:  You have given me another "time waster" for football season.  And thankfully, this is one where I don't feel like I'm 'missing out' if I don't check you for several days (unlike the ultimate time waster of Facebook).  Before, I could be on my usual websites for about an hour and start to get bored...hell, that gets me only through the first half of the noon game!  Here it is Sunday at 5:45 and I said to Jeff "I've lost all track of time!" because I've been having too much fun on Pinterest.  Afternoon plans of laying around? Successfully accomplished!

#3:  Pinterest - you keep the dream alive!  I am able to pin ideas for when we have a baby. From the nursery, to photo ideas, to baby shower favors, etc. without feeling too crazy by say, making a registry.  I start to notice overall themes of what I like before I even really knew it.  AND I can day dream on home decor ideas.  Because I know some day we will move out of rental living and I can start putting together my dream house!  (Which seems to have a lot of organizational things pinned.  Clearly my OCD coming out even in day dreams.)

I seem to love trees for some reason.

#4:  I get funny, inspirational, and snarky comments right at my fingertips!  No matter if it's related to infertility, people in general or the internet - they make me smile.  And they have come in handy for on-hand comebacks on the internet!  Just this week I used one making fun of all the people that complained about the changes to facebook.  It was great to remind people that it's a free service and you don't have to use it.  But because I used a snarky photo it's like someone else said it for me.  Win/Win!

Jeff always tells me "Patience is a virtue that you just don't have."

and last but not least....
#5:  Gift ideas!  Last Christmas I had to make to many "favorites" for pages with gift ideas.  I spent one hour today looking for Christmas gifts for the 14 family members and I can't stress enough how great it is to have them all in one place.  I labled them with my thoughts, I added price and for who in notes section and now I've got a good start ...about one third done! 

My MIL collects Dickens Village figurines.  I found a website that has discontinued ones.

And so to you Pinterest - My cup runnith over with love.  For those of you few that actually follow my blog, if you do not follow me on Pinterest - please do! ((My name their is Katib77 or see link below)) And for those who have not tried it, I hope my Ode has helped you see the light (And I kept it just to five!  There are many other uses for it.)  As for me?  I'm off to go pin more ideas for life!
*A special shout out to my e-friend and follower Kathy4678 for leading me to the wonderland of Pinterest. 
http://pinterest.com/katib77/

This crap is exhausting!

So a post today on the bump, there was a woman that mentioned injects and her RE saying "they are a waste of time and money".  There was a lot of back and forth from other posters that reminded me it can all be based on diagnosis- like what's good for one person and their situation might not be for someone else who has a totally different diagnosis.  I was thinking "Ok, that makes sense." 

Only for her to come back and say basically "No, my RE means for everyone injects are a waste.  I'm not trying to stomp on your hope, but I don't want you to waste you money."  Admittedly this is paraphrasing what she said, but it's pretty damn close.  Thanks (*insert sarcasm*).  Heart officially stomped yet again.

We're on a fucking break from treatments.   All in order to do injects because we are out of pocket for all treatment.  I'm aware that after doing them, there is a large chance we still may not be pregnant but ....how about a little compassion?  A little tack? Is that too much to ask for from a board that is supposed to be supportive?  I've only felt kicked in the nuts two other times in over 18 months posting on the trouble TTC board.  That is one of the reasons I love my girls there - it's supportive.  I don't feel like I need to have my IF armor on when I go on.  But I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't think so casually, and remember that anyone, anywhere, has the ability to cut me deep down.  Sure, they don't mean it that way.  But it's like people who don't get IF saying "relax and it will happen".  They don't mean to hurt us; but they do. 

I don't know the point of this post other than to say, I've had been feeling really good lately about being responsible, and taking a break so we could afford the appropriate treatment step as laid out by my RE.  Only to now be feeling .....I don't know how to describe it.....  Deflated.  I am a deflated tire.  I am feeling like someone just came and let all the air out of me.