Two Years fly by....

Two years.    That's how long since we started TTC.  I remember it perfectly.  We married in June and I said I wanted to stay on BCP that first month so I could drink at our town's festival without worry. HA!  That was seven hundred and thirty days ago. Thinking I might be as lucky as my BFF and have a "honeymoon" baby.  Looking back at how naive I was, it is too funny.  I found "The bump.com" about two weeks into our TTC and started charting the same day.  It's now been 28 cycles.  I am on cd4 of cycle 29.  If I had conceived on that first month of trying, I'd now be the mother of a  14 or 15 month old.  But instead what am I?  An infertile looking back on two years of heartache.  The first time I cried over a failed cycle was September of '09, thinking for sure I was PG that month.  I can tell you now I am so much stronger than I was back then - - - but I'd trade that strength any day for a child.   But am I really any different? Nope.  I still have hope every.single.cycle.every.single day.  I have become more educated and an advocate for infertility, but I'm still that sad hopeful sap wanting nature to work.  Wanting to one day pee on a stick and see two pink lines. 

Today is my parent's 40th wedding anniversary.  I made them a YouTube video to thank them for showing my brother and I what true love looks like.  It's filled with photos of my parents as high school sweethearts, and married at age 22.  Family pictures through out the years, and then dancing at my friends weddings.  My mom cried and said it was the most priceless gift a mother could ask for.  All I could think of was "will I ever have kids to do something like this for me?"  I would rather give her the gift of news that she will be a grandmother to my children. 

I wish looking back on two years I could have some great blog post to inspire, not only my few readers,but myself.  But all I have is the truth and my feelings.  And as always, that sliver of hope in the back of my mind that continues to whisper "Don't give up."  And so I move ahead another day, like I have every day for the last seven hundred and thirty days thinking - well, we'll just keep trying.  TTC 2+.