Another on bites the Dust

So I have three close girl friends that I've known since I was 12.  Two have little girls that are two years old and the third is sadly stuck in my world of IF and started treatment with my RE recently.  (And if you're reading this since I decided to be brave last week and share my story fully with her - shout out to you Lauren!)  Of the two mommies - one called to tell me that she was pregnant with her second back in March (she's due at the end of October).  When she told me, it was when I was getting my period for my first treatment IUI cycle.  I was already very emotional from that and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was a short five minute conversation with me faking happiness.  I asked what I thought were common questions (ie When are you due? What did your husband say? Have you explained it to your daughter?) and then politely got off the phone so that I could cry.  I'm talking UGLY tears people.  The heartache took me a few days to get over.  I was feeling very "why not me?" which is understandable; considering.  But since then I am very happy for her.  Yes, jealously peaks in on me every now and then when I see her baby belly or she talks to me about the nursery.  But she's very great about it.  She doesn't even mention the pregnancy unless I bring it up.  We talk about other things.  She does not complain about anything pregnancy related.  It's wonderful.

Fast forward to yesterday.  Mommy friend number two calls to tell me she's pregnant with number two and will be due in April.  Again like my previous post about perspective, it's amazing what time does to a person.  Instead of getting off the phone quickly or cryin afterward, we talked for an hour - and not a tear shed all day.  What I found sad though is how apologetic she was.  Almost sounding depressed.  I tried to reassure her that this is happy news, and not to feel bad because of my situation.  Her being lucky, does not have a single thing to do with if I can get pregnant or not.  I wish that obviously I could be sharing the news with her, but that's not my story right now.  I hold on to hope and semi-confidence that some day soon it will be.  I explained to her that last winter I was in a very "Angry at the world" mood and anything and anyone telling me about being pregnant would annoy the crap out of me for no other reason then I hated IF.  - - And don't get me wrong people, I still have my moments or days - - but they are fewer and far between now. 

They say that time heals all wounds, I don't think that it's fully true.  Time puts a scab on that wound that helps protect it, and sometimes that scab gets ripped off.  But more often then not, it does what it needs to do - protects the delicate tissue just below the surface by having a tough outer shelf.  I am currently thankful that the scab has given me the ability to be truly happy for my friend from the start. 

Now I just hope no one rips it off this weekend while I'm around a lot of friends and family.  Social events still leave me a little jittery about "what if someone asks me about it or make an inappropriate comment?"  It's a much harder thing to deal with when it's directed right at me.  Three days, four events.  Wish me luck!