Even the Hunger Games bring IF to mind...

So from Tuesday afternoon to Saturday morning, I have been doing almost only one thing non-stop outside of work: Reading the Hunger Games Series.  I had held off for a while on the hype but finally gave in an OMG...loved them.  And as I look to my left I see Jeff is now close to finishing the first book.  Took us both less than 24 hours.  Yes, it is that good.

So what does this have to do with being a infertility reminder? *And trust me, I will not reveal any spoilers for the overall book, just general observations*  Book three in the very early pages mentions that one of the districts is no longer able to have children.  They have become infertile.  Can you imagine infertility effecting every one in your state? At least you wouldn't be "alone" as so many of us feel from time to time.  But how sad!  And the fact that even immersed in the world of Panem (the name of the country) in the future, I still end up getting pulled into my own hell from just a simple mention? Great.  Thanks Suzanne Collins.  Like I needed that!

Thankfully, it's just a mention on maybe two pages of the third book.  But, they do every now and then (throughout the entire series) mention that the main character and heroine doesn't want kids (so they would never be subjected to the Hunger Games themselves).  I don't hate her for this.  I love her for this.  What I hate, is once again being sucked out of fantasy... back to reality - even in the form of what is supposed to be escapism for me (reading).

And yet, this perfectly explains something.  There is never any escaping it.  IF pain, sadly, is everywhere.  And why? Because it's a perfectly natural human instinct to want to further our species.  Those on the outside have absolutely no understanding of how many things "trigger" our heartache.

For me, I've pushed it down and made myself numb often.  I can see endless posts on facebook of pictures of children, updates on pregnancies, funny "listen to what my kid just said" updates without it bothering me (like it does many IF'ers).  But seeing a mother at Target ignore her child brings it to the front of mind.  A friend talking about their child's baseball game only makes me wonder - will Jeff ever get to play catch with a child of his?  Watching a commercial with families in it; we don't need a mini-van, kids meals, the latest water gun, etc but seriously the vast majority are for the "average" adult...who has kids of varying ages.  Even, yes reading a book about a game of killing people off can't let me escape it.

It's sad that there really is no place to hide from it.  Ever.  I guess that I've know that all along, because I've always made myself except that reality and try not to hide from it.  It doesn't bother me much anymore.  Only every now and then does the sting of it find a raw nerve.  I just sometimes wish I had a switch I could flip, and forget about it, and make it through one whole day.  Just one whole day, without it ever even entering my mind.  Maybe someday, I will.  But this day....like the the past 740 days (give or take) since the words slipped out of our doctors lips that we are dealing with infertility....  This is not that day.