Wound - meet lemon juice and salt

Thank you 3T's wolfette for giving this post a title.  Today was like the perfect storm for my emotions.  It's been 17 days since I stopped bleeding from the m/c  (23 days since the start of miscarriage).  And what should happen?  I awake at 2 in the morning with the worst cramps of my life!  I spend two hours awake in the middle of the night worried if this was normal and trying to get comfortable enough to sleep again.  Yes, as if my leutal phase defect wasn't crappy enough, this time I only had 11 days LP and a 23 day cycle.  But it's the first period after, so OK it's wonky.  So I'm in pain all day, so crampy, so tired, etc.

But that wound isn't enough.  Noooooo.

The day I found out it was over, I had a baby shower invite sitting next to me.  I had planned on asking MIL if she'd like to go in on a gift with me and go together to the shower.  But when crying my heart out, I see that invite sitting next to me.  I fling it at my husband and scream out "Can you throw that away?"  Thinking, I can have my MIL RSVP no for me.  Yet because it becomes out of sight out of mind...I forgot to even ask her.  And then she goes on a three week vacation and forgets to RSVP herself.  So I get a phone message from mom of the mother-to-be asking if we're attending.  It's a hard day emotionally.

Thanks for pouring lemon juice in it.

I know I can't talk to this stranger.  So what do I decide to do?  Facebook message the mother-to-be on facebook.  She had a miscarriage and three rounds of clomid and one IUI to have this little bundle.  She's understand (I hope).  So I tell Jeff what I've done.

Pour some salt on that wound soaked in lemon juice.

Jeff says "what if she didn't know about the shower?"  Que worrying about something that is now out of my control.  And just because we know of one person in the whole darn world that had a surprise shower, what are the chances that she doesn't know?  You're pregnant with your first.  You're in the third trimester.  Your mother in law has mentioned on a facebook post of her's that she'll have to put up with her this weekend while she's in town (She lives in GA, we live in IL...it's not a random trip!).  Whatever.  Made me feel even worse.

And then throw in regular PMS.  Yes, it's the perfect storm for a day in sweat pants and glasses instead of contacts.  It's a day for tears, and grilled cheese sandwiches.  For feeling sorry for myself, yet still able to wish this friend an enjoyable shower.  But then feeling bad for possibly ruining it.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Feel bad, feel better, feel worse.

Hoping beyond hope tomorrow is a fairly uneventful day where the only reminder of my loss is my bathroom visits.     Let the physical pain abate.  Let the emotional pain fade to the back of the mind where it was last week.  Let my husband try to make me laugh by pulling out his junk just to have me laugh...not to try and stop the tears.  (Yes, he's one of those husbands.  C'mon ladies...I know there's GOT to be more of them out there.  Why do men think that's so funny?  Well...because most of the time we laugh.  We humans are simple creatures.)  Let me have a simple day.  Please?