The promise

So, I don't normally ask Jeff's opinion on when I should POAS.  I would do it whenever I wanted.  But this cycle he said he liked being "more involved", what with his homework assignment etc. so I decided I'd ask.  Because I had thought "maybe I'll test on Sunday" since we would both be home together.  He responds?  "NO! Wait until 12dpIUI like the doctor said."  Huh?  He paid attention to that? D'Oh!  He said he didn't want me to get a negative and be all upset if it was just too early to test anyway.  OK, baby.  That's sweet.  So I promised not to test.

Well, let me tell you - this morning not POAS was really really hard.  Because yes I've been having all the lovely symptoms progesterone give:  sore boobs, tired, burping etc.  And I had two symptoms I almost never have; heightened sense of smell on Thursday and yesterday I was nauseated.

Now, these are not the symptoms I had back in early February when I had my chemical pregnancy.  Then the main thing was I could not get full.  Like, I was hungry the instant I finished eating.  But from what I've heard each pregnancy is different so my mind was all hopeful.

But I was a good girl and didn't test.  And now this afternoon I started spotting.  Granted, it's really, really, really light.  And it's pink.  But I remember this.  All this does is remind me of the start of my chemical pregnancy.  I can't take that.  Seriously.  Not again.  But I know, it will be whatever it will be.  I can't stop destiny.  Either this is it or it's not my time.  And sadly, only time will tell.