Sept 11 2011

13 years ago.

In so many ways it seems like it was only a few years ago.  And in others, it seems much longer ago because of all in my life that has happened since.

Everyone remembers where they were - and I'm no different.

I was 23 and was four months into my first career job after college at KGAN TV, the CBS station in Cedar Rapids Iowa. (I sold television advertising for 7 years before moving back to my home town to marry Jeff.)  Every Tuesday morning we had an 8am sales meeting.  I would leave my apartment about 7:40 since I lived less than five minutes from work.  Check my email real quick before going into the conference room.  My boss and career mentor Matt was as usual joking around at the start of the meeting when Kathy walked in late.  She said "A plane hit the World Trade Tower.  Isn't that so bogus?"  (Because it had literally *just* happened there was no information aside from "a plane" so like many we pictured maybe a small cessna or something.  We made fun of her for using the word bogus - what is this 1985?

I don't remember why the meeting was so short,  but I remember we walked out and into the GM's office.  For those who have never worked in TV - every office has several TVs so that each one can be tuned to a different channel.  Our GM - Les had 3x 50 inch screens tuned to ABC, NBC, and CBS.  And I was standing right in front of them as the second plane hit.

That moment.  Right then.  That's when you knew "This was not a mistake.  This was not a small plane.  Oh my God, we're being attacked."  We watched for maybe 20 minutes just standing there.  The GM then got a call and we were asked to all go call our appointments for the day to tell them we would not be coming to try and sell them advertising and it would be rescheduled.  It turns out the call the GM got was that all affiliates were asked to go on Lock Down, as there were rumors that terrorists would want to take control of our airwaves to air their message.  (Looking back this seems ridiculous that middle of nowhere Iowa would be part of a target).  But then the Pentagon was hit.  And the plane in Shanksville crashed.  And there was the rumor of a helicopter crash at the white house.  It seemed like the sky was falling.  Anything horrible seemed possible.

I also don't remember calling my mom - but I must have, or she called me.  I was told we were not sure if my uncle was in the towers or not.  And then the towers came crashing down.  I remember going outside and chain smoking about three cigarettes while sitting on the ground thinking he was dead.  My dad was on a business trip, supposed to be flying out of Florida - but as you know all flights were grounded.  We were allowed to leave for lunch and I went back to my apartment and just watched more TV and cried.  Having to go back to work - why I don't know we didn't do anything other than continue to watch TV - but I seemed comforted to be around people.  Because I remember that night I never felt so alone.  23 alone in my apartment, with no friends in this new town, hours from my family, just watching the horror unfold.

I know I learned at some point in the day that my uncle's office has recently been moved to Tribeca and that he was alive.  Days later I heard how he had to walk out of Manhattan on foot, covered in ash, helping a older woman he didn't know to get home once they crossed a bridge and he was able to get a car to pick them up.  And as planes were grounded for days - my dad ended up having to take a cab from Miami to some other town in order to rent a car the next day or two and drive home from Florida to Chicago.

I really don't remember much of those two or three days after - I know we didn't really work at all, as there was no commercials airing as it was wall to wall coverage.  I only remember watching NBC news non stop at home and crying myself to sleep each night.

The next memory I have clear as day was that Friday.  It was our GM's birthday - and Matt had the idea that we needed to forget the horrors going on around us.  And suggested the entire sales staff go to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate Les's birthday.  It was empty.  (And if you've been in one, there are no windows out to the world.  It was this cocoon of safety to block out reality.)  We were the only people there.  And Chuck E Cheese sells beer (along with tons of childrens games).  So for that entire afternoon, we drank beer, played wack-a-mole and skeet ball, and laughed trying to pretend the world was still innocent.  New to the idea of being an adult - it was exactly what I needed.  Escape reality- if only for an afternoon- and be a kid again.

That day changed the world.  That day changed me.  In many ways, it's the day that stole my innocence.  In so many ways - that was the year I really became an adult.  And that day was the day I realized it.