it gets easier but....hard day popped up

OK.  So I have not blogged in months because we got the house - were busy with that.  Then Vegas vacation.  Then I got sick - three times fairly major in three months.  First the flu (caught on plane home from Vegas), then a really bad cold, then a four day stomach virus (I did lose 4 lbs from not eating for three days).  So life got in the way.  And in between all that illness?  I got a new job.  OMG I got a new job!!  I only had applied for seven jobs since February because well - I became exceptionally picky...I wanted something within 10 miles (at most) as an administrator which cut down opportunities.  And I had to clearly understand what the company did - and you would not believe how vague a lot of admin job descriptions are about the actual company.  ANYWHO...what leads me to blogging tonight?

So today was my first day at my new job at a dental office.  It's a brand new practice in town, that doesn't actually open til Friday so right now it's just orientation and training.  And there was that dreaded "Let's all go around the room and say a little bit about ourselves."  And yes, I understand that kids is the most important factor for people.  But then my lack of children is just that much more obvious and a *odd man out* feeling.  I can't even put into words just how much it hurt.  Everyone not only said "mother of two" or "mother of three", but then everyone wanted to know the gender, and ages, and names.  And at lunch it was picture time.  And the final nail in the coffin?  One asked me "So....what do you like to do then?" after kid talk.  As if,  you don't have children how on earth do you fill up your life?  And after I explained we were huge Blackhawk fans, read a lot, and I love nature photography (although - no I do not own a nice camera - it's just something I like to do).  She said "And?"  And I felt like "and what?!?"  I felt like screaming hanging out with my husband watching TV or going on little trips to gamble is enough for us damnit!!

Hello feelings of inadequacy!  WHY??!!!??? Why should someone make me feel like my life is not enough.  I felt like it was enough yesterday.  And home alone with my husband mocking people together on "love it or list it" I feel like it's enough.  But yet put on the checklist of womanhood without that box checked suddenly I'm ???  EFF THAT SHIT!!  

Yet Jeff asked me "Are you still excited about the new job?"  And it's like the the job? Sure.  The feeling I have tonight?  Well it's temporary but I know it's there.  Accept it.  Mull over it. Have a small pity party. Throw it aside and move on.    So thanks blog for letting me get it out so now I can go watch mindless TV and move on.