I worry a little at times when I post on any social media about our home improvements or vacations (and since moving on from infertility that's all this blog is HAHA). Do people think I'm bragging or am I coming off tone deaf to society? I really hope not, as that is not my intention.
First of all; I just like to share and see. Did you get a new dress? I want to see it. Are your kids being super silly? I want to see it. Cook a new bomb ass meal? I want to see it. And because I want to see everything from others - be it because it gives me ideas for my life, I like a peak into others worlds (am I a voyer?!), or if a friend is excited about something - even if it's not my deal - - -I want to give them a little space to celebrate their excitement. Geek out! This means I like the same in return. They say people like to talk about themselves and I guess in may ways I'm no different. Do you know how often you talk about your life or interests (kids, job, politics)? But ya know what? That's your life, so it makes sense. Talk away! I may not relate to some or any of it. I may not know how to respond sometimes (especially if the topic is kids), but I'm fine with hearing about it. But yes, I fully understand they take a LOT of time and money. But since we were not lucky with infertility treatments, we have to fill life with other things.
So my life. Yes, I read a lot of books. And I try to cook new things (currently spending way more time and money then seems logical to try to make sour dough bread from scratch as it's a personal challenge that interests me). I want to get decent at night photography someday. I like to travel. I like to gamble. I like to do home improvement projects. I like a good stiff drink on the weekends (and occasionally mid week). I looooove taking baths. There's always room for a pickle. Cheese and peanut butter are the foods of the Gods. And for entertainment; I'm more interested in serial killers and documentaries than super heros. That's me in a nut shell. And I know it's not for everyone.
Secondly on me sharing my life - You cannot compare apples to oranges! Yes people make different amounts of money...but there is also cost of living in different areas of the country, what you find important to spend your money on, levels of debt, etc. A comment that I'm lucky I can finish my basement giving us 600 square feet more of space? Yes! True! I do consider myself very lucky. But if you're already living in a house with way more square feet than my house because you live somewhere that has a lower cost of living, or you bought a house when you had less debt or higher down payment so therefore could afford "more house" to start with - all I'm doing is catching up to you. Or on the flip side, you live in an area that has an even higher cost of living so your house is smaller than mine and doesn't even have a basement. Or you bought a "move in ready" house because home improvement scares you or you just don't have the energy for construction. Or you're one of those people that given lots of choices you feel suffocated and can't make a choice instead of knowing what you like, what you want and so therefore do nothing. Maybe your kids are taking up all your time, energy & money. What I'm saying is EVERYONE'S situation is different. And often you don't even know someones full situation.
One of my favorite phrases is "Don't compare someone else's highlight reel to your raw footage." In other words, people tend to put the best of themselves on social media. You don't see if they cry in the shower or toss & turn at night thinking of all the horrible things going on in their lives or the world. You don't know if they "can't afford" something because they're saving way more for college for their kids or early retirement then you could ever dream of. Maybe that's their goal; and you'd rather work longer and enjoy while you're young. I have friends & coworkers that are shocked at what we spend going to Vegas yet they will drop hundreds on a designer purse twice a year while I carry around a $30 cheapo for 3 years straight. Or their busy saving/spending on the kids, while we would have gladly done the same but we simply don't have them. It's because what everyone spends their "discretionary money" on is not the same, because life and goals are unique.
And then there's living paycheck to paycheck. And trust me I know that one as well. I have a budget goals post blog from like 7 or 8 years ago. If you went back even further -like 12 years ago- I was $20k in credit card debt. Jeff had a judgement against him and law school to finish paying off. Hell my car got repossessed because I was a few weeks late on the very last payment because of odd wording on the payoff slip! (Do you know how embarrassing it is finding your car gone at work only to learn it was repo'd? Never felt so ghetto in my life.) We not only didn't have discretionary money, we sold his old class ring and some family jewelry at cash for gold so that we could make it some times. I woke up at 4am for Toys R Us sale on black Friday because I couldn't spend more than $20 per nephew one Christmas. We only went out to eat if someone had given us a gift card and often ate more like college kids (ramen, mac n cheese, tombstone pizza) because it was cheap. We struggled. We scraped. We chose to pay off everything and get our credit scores up before we bought the house. And that's ON TOP of paying $30k for infertility out of pocket thru 401K loans and such. Which is why we were 37 & 43 by the time we finally bought the house while so many friends bought 5 to ten years prior.
And I feel I'm starting to ramble. All I'm saying is - I try to celebrate others and not come across as braggadocios. And I routinely count my blessings and remember how far we've come in a short time. If you had told me 7 or 8 years ago the position we'd be in now I would have said you're crazy. But you NEVER know the hardships someone else either IS facing or HAS faced both financially and emotionally. So let's celebrate each others wins. And I'll share mine. Because damnit, we've worked hard to be here. I'm not saying if you're not here, you're not working hard. And I know my privileges. Or I at least try to be cognizant of them. But life is worth celebrating. In the grand scheme, we're not here for long. Might as well do what we want when we can. Set goals, work to reach them, celebrate, set new goals.
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