Vegas Trip 2015

I know that this is my third trip to Vegas so you'd think there would be not much new - but Vegas is always changing, and there is much to see and do that you never get everything in during one trip.  But this time we made a list of a few of the things to check off the "must do" list that we wish we had done before.  I know I have still not done all there is to do but I really feel we've know done most of the quintessential "must do".  

Last trip our goal was to try and hit every casino on the strip - and we did hit every single one except Treasure Island and Stratosphere.  So this year the list included going to the top of the Stratosphere...I will say it was a bit of a let down.  I imagined a better view of the strip - and maybe it would have been more impressive at night but eh, it was just OK.  Not worth the $20 per person they charge.  Thankfully we had discount from Jeff's work to lower it to $13.50  - but even at that price I'd only bother to go either at night or if you want to ride one of their insane rides up there (no thank you!).  We did this on St. Patrick's Day because we wanted to avoid all the 20 somethings anywhere near Irish events.

See what I mean? View ws meh.

A second on the "must do" was ride the roller coaster at New York New York.  This was another let down - and I'm getting the two disappointments out of the way because the rest of the trip was amazing.  First off let me give you a tip...Take our your earrings before riding.  This ride makes your head bounce violently back and forth on the shoulder straps so it was hard to enjoy a ride while having little daggers dig into my head.  That said, I had heard it went "through the casino" - yeah no, the last 10 feet goes through a small section.  I mean - as coasters go it was great with the giant drops, corkscrews and upside down loops but nothing cooler than your typical Six Flags.  And I think I've finally become too old at 37 for roller coasters.

Now for the cool things - Hoover Dam trip.  We decided our first full day there we would rent a car and drive the 45 minutes to the Hoover Dam.  It's only $10 for parking and you do not have to pay extra for a tour to walk all over the dam.  If we wanted to learn more about the dam and go inside we could have paid more - but we really just wanted to see this man made wonder.  And it's breathtaking.  In my mind totally worth the time.  We spent about 45 minutes walking the entire damn and snapping photos.  I don't know how much farther away the grand Canyon was but I kind of wish we had added that while we had the car since we were done with the dam by 10:30am.  Oh, and that was the perfect time to leave because just them several bus tours had shown up.  Rent the car at 8:30, get out there by 9:30 and you have the place almost to yourself.

Then we drove back towards Vegas and then 15 minutes past it to the start of Red Rock Canyon.  We were only on the edge of it and it was beautiful.  If I wasn't starving for lunch we would have driven deeper in.  But even at the edge of this unplanned excursion - look how pretty!  We even climbed a huge foothill for 15 min to get a better view.

View of the road leading in

Looking into the canyon 

We went to the Minus 5 Ice bar again which was fun, but we had two free entries because of the online game "My Vegas"  which makes it worth the price of booze ($10 per drink).  The last Activity we did was the High Roller Observation Wheel.  Do yourself a favor and pay the extra $5 to enjoy cocktails in the bar car.  This is probably amazing at night as well but the views of the strip during the day were also so great during the 30 min ride.  I would have really loved to have gone when the bellagio fountains were going off.  Next time we'll do this after sunset for a change.

Finally - aside from all the gambling and activities we had planned - we had certain meals mapped out as well.  As an adult sadly the part I look forward to most is not having to cook or clean for days on end.  So I wanted good eats!  The best meal of my life was in 2013 last trip to Vegas so we repeated it - everything the same - at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill in Caesar's.  Some might say why not try a different meal.  Because it's THAT GOOD people!  We also got our burger on at Fatburger (requirement when in Vegas) and tried In and Out Burger for the first time.  No need for debate - Fatburger wins hands down.  We did breakfast at both Mon Ami Gabi in Paris (OMG was that delicious!  Apple Cinnamon Waffle and date encrusted bacon) and at Guy Fieri's Kitchen at the Linq (Good but waaay too much food -Brioche French Toast and pepper bacon).  And the last night our friend Skippy was in town and treated us to possibly the most expensive meal of my life at Ruth Chris Steakhouse in Harrah's.  (I had blue crab crab cakes while the boys had steak).  The rest of the time we looked for the old cafe's or coffee diners that used to be affordable ways to eat in Vegas only to learn they're basically gone.  We ate at Mirage's Pantry twice and each time was great food but $50 for two? Really?  There was a little cafe in Flamingo we had breakfast at one day but even that for two breakfast sandwiches and drinks was still over $35.  Good lord.  I'm fearful of seeing our credit card bill for simply eating in Vegas.

Last Day meeting up with Skippy at 6pm for drinks and dinner

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All in all it was a fabulous vacation with Jeff and I just getting away from it all.  Yes, we will probably be back within the next three years.  And I'm sure we'll come up with more "must do's" but for now, I feel we've done Vegas right.

Pictures of the House

So I told you some of the things we did to the house before moving in (Paint and hardwood floors) and as promised now I'm just showing off.  I'm seriously in love with our house.  But to really appreciate some of it you have to see the before and after to grasp the transformation from just some house into OUR home. After all - everyone has their own sense of style and I know mine is not for everyone.  But it's now very "US".

One that I think would surprise people who know me well is how proud of I am of our dining room.  I don't think I come across as a "formal dining room" kind of person.  And I would agree that I'm not the stuffy type you normally see on like house hunters who insist on a formal dining room - BUT I have the antique set from my Great Grandmother whom I was named after.  And as a single woman I had picked the print that's now hanging above it (You can't tell but it's a photograph of the grand canyon so really ties in with the reds), and the wall sconces on either side (Have desert flowers pressed in the center that are tan leaves and burgundy flowers so it goes perfectly with the print), and dear friends and family have given us the various crystal pieces and they mean a lot to me so suddenly we have a very put together and elegant looking room!  And I'm just in love.  Admittedly this is the room where Jeff had no influence over.  It's all me.  I'm just happy he agreed and liked everything I said.

 

Then the room we obviously spend the most time in - the family room.

I wasn't so sure on Jeff's choice of "Amazon Mist" (aka a sage green) for the kitchen and family room but now I love it because it really picks up the colors of the print we have of the snake river.  Right now we have the ottoman in the corner just holding blankets and Chicago Pillow Pets (Tommy Hawk and South Paw) but I'd like to get two armless chairs from Target for either side of the entertainment center.  Mainly so that when either family comes to visit we have seats for every adult.  

Many believe the heart of the home is the kitchen.  I think I've said that I hate the counter tops (laminate) but if I have not said it yet - seriously I HATE them.  I think it was done poorly by a previous owner because the caulk line around the sink is globby and awful, the backsplash is nasty colors and around the window they got lazy and didn't even cut pieces to fit.  But aside from hopefully getting those replaces next year (and then new appliances to follow) it's a nice layout.  This picture is two weeks old because we've since unpacked more boxes, put the door back on the pantry and installed blinds on the windows.  What I am most thankful for is that the linoleum floor is gone YUCK.  Not that there can't be nice tile or even decent linoleum in a kitchen but seriously that screamed 80's to me.

  

That first door on the left (between family room and kitchen) is the powder room.  The "Windsor Haze" blue color I chose is beautiful in there and really plays well with the Claude Monet print Jeff's parents gave us a few years ago when they redid their master bathroom.  And I spent more time than I care to admit to pick out those towels so the collage pic had to have them when showing my mom how the room ended up.  

The Master Suite - this was a sticking point when looking for a house.  We wanted an en suite that had double sinks and separate tub and shower.  Call us spoiled, but the townhouse had this and once you've had it you really can't go back.  I am a bath lover.  I take 3-7 bathes a week so it needs to be heaven.  

It's hard to tell from the pic but that color is a light gray, our bedroom is a shade darker gray and accent colors of both rooms is khaki so things really flow well from one room to the other.

Now the rest of the house is just bedrooms and the one room you got a small glance of in the foreground of the dining room.  I don't really know what to call it.  In house hunting speak, it's the Living Room - but we don't need a formal living room with the family room just steps away.  So I've referred to it as the "front room" but that sounds so old fashion and southern.  I'm not receiving gentlemen callers there or something.  It's Jeff's desk and office stuff.  But also our bookcases so my parent's joke we should call it either the Library or the Study - either of which sound waaaay too stuffy and more sophisticated than what you should call a room with a hand-me-down La-Z-Boy amiright?  So I've been caught still calling it the front room and sometimes the office.

OK I think that is more than enough pictures.  Sorry to be such a show off but I am so seriously in love with our house.

The HOUSE :)

Many things to catch up on.

First let me say that our lawyer was awesome (what? Did I just say that?) Yeah.  His office found some document that said we got a $3,000 credit yet it wasn't in the contract.  We were like "huh? It's a short sale.  There was never any mention of a credit."  Selling agent said "Oh, yeah I put that in every short sale but the bank that needs to approve the short sale almost never ever approves it.  I hadn't noticed that they had."  So in order to get that three grand we had to scramble the day before closing to get things signed in order for it to go through.  We found out at 12:30 and I worked starting at 2:00 - but you can bet your sweet ass I hauled my butt off to our mortgage company in order to sign it (and fake Jeff's signature haha) to get the $3k.
Oh, and our closing had already been delayed a week because the stupid bank & VA forgot to calculate the entire year of taxes that we'd get as a credit.  They only calculated six months.

So suddenly it was closing day on Jan 15th and we didn't have to fork over $7,500 of what we'd been told way back in December when we had gotten the 401K loan for the down payment.  So since a 401K loan you can't give them a lump sum unless it's the total owed we had to keep that extra (darn) so that meant that we COULD afford the hardwood floors and having the entire house painted!!  And I literally mean the whole house - closets, ceilings, trim work - everything!  AND they did all the patch work and let me tell you, there was some areas where the people had knocked away the drywall bad enough it was down to the metal frame thing that goes on corners.  It was crazy.

And we really wanted high quality hard wood.  Something we may have skimped on before when we had a smaller budget but add an additional $7,500 and we got exactly what I would have wanted if we had an unlimited budget.  So now that house looks almost brand new!  Well, except for that kitchen...that's the dead giveaway on our house being older.  And OMG Ew!  The previous owners were disgusting!  It took me five hours to clean the kitchen (an additional two to clean the refrigerator we got from Jeff's Aunt...).  And another two hours to clean the master bathroom.  And five times vacuuming the upstairs carpets to feel I had got up enough pet hair to build my own dog and cat - this was before I felt it was clean enough to have Stanley Steemer come and professionally clean it.  I'm sensing a theme - am I a clean freak?  Ugh - and if this wasn't enough then I got to go spend several hours cleaning our townhouse in hopes of getting some of our security deposit back.  We'll find out next week how much we get.

And tonight we just had our first date night as home owners - we went to dinner and to Lowe's. $500 later and we headed home.  Oh and another $260 today at Target.com for furniture for the family room (Entertainment center and two end tables) and I'm starting to feel increadibly poor.  But hell that Target purchase check this shit out.  10% off for home items (check), 15% off of order of $75 or more (check) 10% employee discount, 5% red card discount and free shipping.  I saved over $200!

Next post I will show you before and after pics as I'm growing tired of typing.  But seriously - this place looks like a brand new house so yes, lots of money spent in the last three weeks but oh so worth it!

Good Bye 2014 Hello 2015

I know there are many with the attitude of "Good Riddance" to the past year. And here on Dec 31st I have seen several FB posts to that effect and this is another way I know I have healed...because I said that myself a few years ago in a blog- but not this year.  Yes a year ago today I was in the throes of pain from taking the miso to miscarry my son.  And yet - if I look back at the year as a whole - really not that bad.  As with any person in the world; there are highs and lows to life.  And for me this year has had extremes of both.

Extreme Low?  Jan 1st 2014 physically losing my son.  Extreme High?  Hard to say.  Hearing after six months that we finally got OK'd to move forward buying the house was pretty damn awesome.  But that trip to Nashville in April and watching the blackhawks from six rows off the ice was frickin' awesome as hell.  Karaoking, drinking, laughing and crying with my local #75Strong girls in February meant so much to me.  The fun day trips with Jeff - hell the day to day times he's made me laugh til I snort and cry were many - How does he seem to get funnier each and every year?  Daydreaming of what to do with the house, starting to pack and revisit the past while digging through old things, new clothes for Christmas, and losing 14 lbs in the last five months - it's all good!  Really the miscarriage and the end of our fertility journey (well and just how fricking long this short sale has taken) have been the only bad things about this year.  So I'm focusing on all the good.  All the fun had.  All the love I felt from family, friends, and my husband as I made it through the toughest moment in my life.  But that doesn't define me.  Yes - it has changed a part of me.  And years and years from now I'm sure most all I'll remember about this year is that loss but I want to remember that from that moment forward the year just went up - because honestly where else could it go?  But what a great up it has been.

I feel healthier both mentally and physically then I have in six years.  We're finally financially stable to get a house, have the highest credit score we've had our entire marriage and have paid off so much debt (my main goal this past year).  Our love and marriage is stronger than it's ever been.

And 2015?  Bring it on!
1.  After losing those 14lbs I feel trying to lose another 20lbs this year is actually do-able!  I know so many people put weight loss goals and I won't be too hard on myself - but it's just the belief from what I have accomplished already in five months - and that I made it through Nov & Dec without gaining any of it back (NEVER have I done that!)  Well Hell - let's keep that shit going!  Hell I only have 8lbs to go to be the lowest weight in over 15 years!

2.  This year I walked my first 5k and I'd like to do another one this year and *gasp* maybe even try and jog for some of it!  (Thanks Emmypants for being my inspiration for this one!)

3.  I want to continue and further our financial responsibility - but with the house I know this year will be tough so my one and only financial goal is to get back our "safety net"...we've had 3k in savings since March.  I know that most if not all will be used on the move, painting the first floor, cleaning the place and all that comes with a new home but I want to build that back up to end 2015 right where we are now - with that safety net.

4.  DIY/House Projects/Wood Working - this is going to be vague but while looking around the internet for things I want (objects) or projects I'd like to do for the house I keep thinking "Maybe we could do that ourselves?"  Case in point - I want to recover the dining room chairs from the flower pattern my mother put on there when I was like 8?  They are antiques that I inherited when my grandmother passed away that were originally my great grandmothers.  I want them to be plain yet - I'm thinking a cranberry color.  I also like the idea of a narrow table along the wall near the front door but don't want to pay an arm and a leg - I think I may be able to build that (maybe with the help of my DIY master friend Lauren?!)

5.  And finally - get a NEW JOB.  Once the house sale is behind us - hello job search goodbye retail!  But I know it may take a few months as the job market still is tough here in Illinois but hell - if I could increase my paycheck a little that will seriously help with our goals financially and toward the home projects.

WELCOME 2015!

A different kind of guilt

I've had IF guilt.

I've had loss guilt.

Now I have a whole different kind of guilt.  The I'm doing good guilt trip.

I see so many of my IF and or loss friends having a hard time this time of year and it breaks my heart.  I wish I had some kind of advice - but I know that since everyone handles loss, IF, depression, whatever different I don't know what to say aside from I am so sorry they are hurting and offer hugs.  And then I self question - am I really doing ok?  Yes, I really believe the first few months were the worst and the healing process for me has been progressively better as each month passes.  I even believe that because we've moved beyond the "what if" phase has helped - being child free for me had the benefit of lifting the weight of "what if?" off my shoulder.  And then I feel guilty.  Do these loss women love their lost little ones more than me?  Do these other women with four to six years of infertility under their belts too get the holiday blues from some gene I'm missing?  Hell even my SIL who didn't face IF and has two children said she can't get in the holiday spirit.

 And then here I come - humming Christmas tunes, in a genuinely cheerful mood, 90% done with shopping and wrapping gifts, fully decorated home, full of holiday spirit that I feel like Buddy in the movie ELF.  And I can't help but wonder - did I bury the grief so deep in a secret hidden box that one of these days I'll just totally have a melt down?  Or did I get so hurt by IF and loss that I became a robot?  No - that's not true.  Those stupid Folgers Coffee commercials with a grandma and grandchild looking at ornaments still makes me tear up and then think "Lucky fuckers".  And yes, I'm dreading New Years Eve and Day because of it being the day I passed my son into this world.  (P.S. I'm still planning on drinking a shit ton to get through it.)  And I've already decided I will be finding someone to work for me that night/next day if I'm scheduled to work - hell I'll call in as mentally sick and tell them why if no one will take my shift - I don't give a rats ass.  I will be drunk or hung over.  But daily?  Jeff makes me laugh.  I love LOVE looking for that perfect gift for loved ones.  I love penguins in santa hats on wrapping paper.  I love flannel pajamas.  I love looking at the lights on in neighborhoods. I love having snowflakes painted on my nails.

I've seen others saying Christmas is best through the eyes of children.  And yes, I'm missing out on that.  But not fully.  I have five nephews.  I've been with them all for many a Christmas morning.  I wrote notes to Santa and left out cookies.  I've tracked his sleigh on Norad for them.  I get to see all the adorable pictures of my friends in little elf costumes and on santa's lap.

So to those of you who are having a hard time this holiday season - again I say I am so sorry you are hurting.  And I offer you creepy internet hugs as loving and squishy as they come.  But for people who think you need kids to enjoy Christmas - wrong!  I can and AM enjoying the shit out of this Holiday.  I still put on John Denver and the Muppets Christmas Album to decorate my tree and probably will until the day I die.  I will always look for wrapping paper with penguins on it.  I will play along with any kid who believes in santa and even insist to the ones that don't that we're leaving out cookies and milk.  Because damn it I did that before the grandkids came along when I was in my teens and 20s - just cause some are teenagers now don't poop on my holiday spirit.  I will watch Ralphie get his Red Rider BB Gun with a compus and a stock and this thing that tells time before going to sleep.  While there is nothing wrong with not having the holiday spirit - and I don't try to tell people to "move on" or "get over it" or "cheer up" - please don't make me feel guilty for having it.

saying goodbye to old friends

So over five years ago I went to my parents and rented a UHaul a few months after my grandmother had passed, in order to drive home my dining room table and hutch.  It was originally my great grandmother Katy's (whom I was named after), then it was my mothers.  When my grandmother passed - my mom took her set and I got the antique!  But since we had a Uhaul, my parents also wanted me to take a few boxes of childhood items in the thought that eventually if I had a little girl I could share my beloved possessions.  Well over five years later and here we are...I need to start packing for the move.

So I decided to start in the least used room in the town house - the guest bedroom.  And in this closet held much of my childhood.  In one box was a collection of books I read around ages 8-10.  Harriet the Spy was my favorite.  I decided to just take the whole dang box off to our local library so that hopefully so other little girls could enjoy the adventures within the pages.  Then the stuffed animals.  Well - some.  We still can't find a box my parents must have with my absolute favorites.  Anyway, I kept three that have special meaning.  I took ten (after a good wash and dry to remove the dusty smell) off to Goodwill to bring smiles to other children.  And I have six that some people might find collectible to put up on ebay to see if they get a bite (Muppet Babies and Opus).  I also got a breast pump that my dad got me for free when he worked for Medela back in 2000 wrapped up to mail off to one of my fellow IFers who has become PG after five years and going the foster to adopt route.  Yes, it was slightly sad that the reason I was purging this closet was because there will never be a little girl to call our own - but I also felt really good donating all these things because while they touched my life they will touch so many more now.

I've said before that one thing I find sad about being childless is that I won't have anyone to pass the stories, traditions, and history of me down to others.  I think that's inherently human.  But I can at least pass on the smiles.  BUT since the internet is forever (so they say) I think I will start to every now and then blog about stories and memories as a therapeutic way to know they are out there.

And so a quick story about two of the things I got rid of today that are tied to one thing - the annual work Christmas Party my parents would go to when I was a kid.  My dad worked for Alberto Culver (they make shampoo and hair spray and such - or at least did in the 80s...I honestly don't know if they're still in business)  Each year, their party had a theme and center pieces around the theme.  One year it was "Carousel" (Slightly Paris too).  My Dad got one of the center pieces and made it into a lamp as part of my room design for my 10th birthday.  Today I put this horse on the curb for trash pick up as I don't have the shade anymore, don't even know if it works, and it's got a stain so I don't even want to try to sell it.  Goodbye Nelly - thanks for being the light of my room for five years as a tween.

Another year, the theme was the Jungle.  And my dad brought back a giant Monkey "Coco" and Elephant "Mr. Snuffles".  Mr. Snuffles still resides at my parents house and was enjoyed years ago by my nephew Jack.  But today I said goodbye to Coco as she went off to donation.  Please ignore the double chin and pony tail hair... at the last minute I decided to do a selfie and didn't take the time to frame the shot properly.

Floor Plan - way too much fun

So there is this website that is waaay too much fun that let's you (for free) design floor plans.  You can do a room or the whole level.  *But note you can't do one room at a time and then link them, or not that I could see.  So I spent much of this evening doing the entire house.