Hope can cause Heartache

So in the past two and a half years I have on and off been looking for a job (when I had to start looking after having been laid off in a 10% cut of North American employees at my former company).  Ironically, this is exactly how long we've been TTC for.  For the three months I was looking - before swallowing my pride and taking the job at Target I was hopeful, but with the economy it got less and less hopeful with time.  But I took the job at Target thinking "It's just for the Christmas season because people don't hire as much in 4th quarter."  Then came January 2010, and I started looking again, and thought...well worst case I work here til I get PG (didn't know of our IF then).  I had a few opportunities come up that I thought were sure things, only for them to fall apart.  I started to get jaded and very pessimistic.  But still every few months, I'd spend some time and apply for jobs...just five to ten a day for a handful of days.  And nada.  Over two years later still at Target.  Thankfully I got promoted from regular sales floor to trainer, to assistant manager of grocery...but still.  An idiot could do my job.  And while there are some busy days, a vast majority of my days are mind numbingly boring.  Even when busy, it takes almost no mental skills.   I live in fear of having a menial job forever.  Not to say those that work in retail are menial, I work with many wonderful people.  But I need more challenge in life.  And the problem with these times like now, when I apply for other jobs - is it give me hope.  It makes me hate being at work even that much more.  And then, there is the let down.  If nothing happens from 30-50 resumes sent, less than a handful of interviews, and no new job in two months I will be angry.
And it made me realize it's very similar to the IF battle.  I get my hopes up, only to be let down.  I have to keep having hope because, well...how else am I going to keep moving forward?  But it just makes the let down hard.  And that's where the anger comes from.  I'm putting all this effort in (to the job and to TTC) and I am very able (Hello? 8 years in marketing! Not to mention, I think I will make one hell of an awesome mom).  And yet, I'm not being given a chance by fate for either.  But I will push on.  And then I remind myself of my favorite quote from my favorite movie Shawshank Redemption.  "Hope is a good thing.  Maybe the only thing.  And no good thing ever dies."  Keep hope alive!