Lazy Ass...that's me!

So those lucky fertiles in life are always saying the cruel phrase of "You're so lucky you don't have kids, enjoy it while you can."  Let's push past that I enjoyed 34 years of my life without children and I'm ready to say I've fulfilled that portion of my life and am ready to move on.  Let's push past that they can't understand the pain that statement causes us.  Yes, I'm lucky I can sleep in. Yes, I'm lucky that there is no trashcan that smells of poop.  And so fine, I'm going to enjoy this weekend of lazy bliss.  I've this time reminding self that I will miss this.

Two of my former IF comrades recently wrote a "day in the life" post of being the mother of triplet babies, and another of twins.  And I know that at a point, not too long ago they too would have said they'd trade anything for what they have now.  So I hope they will forgive me stealing their "Life in the day of", and not want to take a sharp knife and stab me after reading what I've done the last two days.  I really do find you two both to be super woman incarnate.  And ladies, I know it's very tough right now and sometimes it feels like your sanity is slipping away.  But in a year or so, you will have toddlers that sleep through the night, and soon after that, children out of diapers.  And then fun children that fill your life with joy.  So do yourself a favor and don't read what I've done, because lets face it...I don't want to be stabbed.

So in January the store is so slow I tend to get three days off a week.  So on Tuesday I clean the whole house (except for vacuuming, which I had done the previous Friday) so my goal for Friday and Saturday that I've had off is simple:  Vacuum, clean the kitchen & dishes, do one load of laundry, put away one I had done back on Tuesday, wipe down the bathroom counter top and buy a pair of new work pants.  All of this might take up two to three hours of my life.  Plenty of time to do nothing. 

Friday...wake up a 8:20 (see Moms, I told you not to read!) without an alarm.  Come downstairs and get on computer.  And I proceed to sit and play online until 11am.  In my sweatpants.  I decide, wow - I should probably get ready for my "day" so I go upstairs and start my bath. (Yes, folk...I take a bath almost every day).  While the tub is filling up I make the bed and put away the load of laundry that's been sitting for three days on the floor.  GO ME! One thing off the list! 
So I enjoy a 45minute bath while watching an episode of LOST on our portable DVD player.  Oh, did I not mention I'm that decadent and insist on watching TV while I take my bath?  Yes, since I *enjoy* my child free lifestyle while I'm stuck here I make my way through all seven seasons of the West Wing and now six seasons of LOST (I'm about 16 baths away from finishing...and then I'll probably start it all over!  Judge away!)  And no need to tell me, I'm fully aware once I have a baby I will be happy if I can grab a five minute shower in peace so I'm laying there relishing my peace. 
The bath gives me a boost of energy, so I come down, do the dishes, put away the ones in the washer, clean the kitchen and make lunch for Jeff and I.  (He's working from home as he's sick as a dog.)  I then sit on the couch and go back to the computer from 1-3:30.  How on earth do I waste so much time? It's a gift people.  It's a gift.  I decide I'm rotting my brain with this and decide I should read my book, as it's started to get really good.  The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo takes a while to get into but then it gets to a point you can't put it down.  Apparently that point was around page 250.  Because I then proceeded to read only stopping to make dinner and eat it with Jeff while watching Jeopardy we TiVo'd (yes, I'm old school and have one of the original Tivos).  I finished the book at 9:30.  Get back on the computer and observe to Jeff that reading for that many hours in the day make it feel like it's 7pm instead of 10pm.  We proceed to stay up til Midnight playing words with friends and surfing the web.  I'm surprised I'm able to get off the couch as I've been on it for over 12 hours of the day.  That, my friends, takes fuckin talent.  I am officially a lazy ass.  Think to myself, I will be more productive tomorrow!
Today...since I went to sleep after midnight, I sleep until 9am.  Walk right back to the couch.  (Off to a great start).  Spend an hour on internet before requesting Jeff start the breakfast I bought for him to make me (on the weekends he is the chef.)  His breakfast specialty is Egg Benedict, and we hadn't had it in over a month so my taste buds are watering.  We eat and watch the TV.  I ask if he's feeling up to sexytime since he's sick.  Score one for me, he's up for it.  After Mid Morning Nookie, I become the man in the relationship - and can't help but take a nap.  I sleep from 11:30-1:30.  Yes, after almost nine hours of sleep and doing nothing the previous day...it's just too hard to stay awake LOL.  After nap, head back to couch...still in sweatpants.  Jeff makes us lunch around 2:30 and finally at 3:15 I head upstairs for my bath (and LOST...oh Jack and Kate, why can't you get it together and kiss?).  I again, make the bed and this time wipe down the counter top in the bathroom.  *Sweet!  Only now need to vacuum, do a load of laundry, and buy a pair of work pants.  So at 4:15 when I'm done with my bath, do I do any of that? Nope!  I'm back on the couch and here on the internet.  I tell Jeff he has to make sure I buy pants tomorrow!  And well, the vacuuming can wait until Tuesday, it's just us here after all.  And maybe, just maybe I'll start that laundry after I post this.

Why write out my insanely boring two days?  Because someday I'm sure I will daydream of days like this.  I can look back at this post and want to find a sharp knife. 
And I promise, I'm not normally this lazy.  I just can't bring myself to do much of anything.  Slight depression can have it's benefits.  For me it appears it give me the ability to glue my ass to this amazing couch.
Where's my new book? Oh, laundry right!