Lost my MoJo these last few weeks.

So the height of summer to me is Founders.  And afterwards is exhausting because so much energy was put into the Fest.  It takes a good week to catch up on sleep, at least.  An additional week to lose the five pounds I always seem to gain from the beer and fried food  But usually within two weeks we're back to routine, weight, sleep, etc.

This year? Nope.  Can't seem to get enough sleep.  And, Woohoo! Yesterday was the official pre-fest weight so yes, it did take me 17 days to loose those five pounds but happy they are gone.  I was getting worried I wouldn't lose them all before Halloween candy and Holiday food start to pack them back on.   **My year is a combination of gaining and loosing those five/six pounds.  Only chance to really gain ground is in the spring and early summer when I tend to do IF treatments and pack them on from all the hormones, so it's a vicious cycle!** And as for routine? Fagedaboutit!

My work has been hectic with a lot of personnel changes that I have had not consistency in my schedule.  I have actually been forced to work a LOT of nights.  What this causes is not being able to get to sleep until around 1am, waking up around 9am and feeling like half the day is wasted.  It also makes it that I rarely see Jeff.  And while, yes, we are on a treatment break we still are trying on our own.  But when I work nights and get home around 11pm it's too late, Jeff's too tired, etc. that we're not even trying this month....OK we'll try, but it will be cd16 so what are the chances I have not ovulated? Um none.  I always ovulate between cd12 and cd15.  So sure, there is that small miracle that I am on the later end this month and ovulate on cd15 and the egg is still alive by the time we get around to having sex on Saturday but you know what?  I'm not even that upset.

I'm just so blah suddenly.  And not about having sex, I was seriously randy the other week.  But blah about everything.  I am a bit of a OCD on cleaning and usually do everything in one day (because to me there is no better feeling then a fully cleaned house).  But I've been stretching everything out to one or two cleaning activities a day so I have more time to lay around.  And eating!  I looooove to eat but nothing interests me lately except the idea of take out.  A few days ago I barely ate all day; and for a diabetic that's not good....I need food to survive and I've even had low blood sugar attacks so I know better.  But I just don't have the motivation to get up.  It's like working in the evening has sucked all of my energy out.  And I think part of that is not seeing my husband.  When I work in the day, at the end of the day I have his company to look forward to.  But now? Cleaning the house and eating...all I have to "look forward" to at the end of the day is working. BLAH!  I think this is also why I've been taking naps, even though I get 7-8 hours of sleep this week.  Because if I have nothing to look forward to, might as well sleep.  I also tend to feel this way when I'm depressed, so I know the pattern - blah feelings towards cleaning and eating and napping often.  But the thing is - I don't feel depressed.  I guess just missing my husband and joy in life for a while is making me unconsciously depressed.  But, you know what I mean...I don't feel hopeless, I don't feel "lost" in life (just on hold).  I don't know what I'm saying, I guess just writing it is helping me.

Thankfully I have Friday night off (actually work in the day) and then the weekend off (FINALLY!! Back to my every other weekend off!  It's been June since I had a weekend off except for Founders).  And then don't work a night again until next Wednesday and the following weekend.  I actually get to work in the day on Monday, Thursday and Friday!!  I can't tell you how happy I am at the idea of actually being home, to make a home cooked dinner (even though I'm not excited by food right now, I'm so tired of work food for dinner).  And to spend time with my husband!

AND of course there is something to look forward to, it's just two months away.  Our Vacation to VEGAS. And Polish thanksgiving will be before then (Sept. 22).  And cooler weather, with sweaters and boots!  And the Founders wrap up party on Sept. 15th.  I think I really just need to accept this work schedule is bringing me down and that next week is better.  And if after they have the two new people fully trained, if they keep giving me a schedule of 60-70% nights that I need to stand up for myself and demand they spread it out among the new people more.  As I told Jeff the other night, I'd be happier with less hours and less money, if I could see him and be a happier Kati.  Sadly, I can't just quit but they can spread the nights over more people now that they've hired them.