The Eff'd up cycle

I am the very model of a predictable cycler.  I charted for over two and a half years.  Took my temps religiously every morning for a thousand days. (seriously, over a thousand frickin days.)  I stopped because of how reliable it was.  My pre O temps were always below 98.0, my after O temps were always above that and spiked out at 98.6 and the day before my period would nose dive to below 97.9 every time.

I ovulated ever cycle (for 45 cycles now) between cd13 and cd15.  And had an average LP of 12 days.  Making my period arrive at cd24-cd26.

And then this cycle hits.  Since I stopped temping this spring after so much consistency, I assume I ovulated around normal time  - but really I have no evidence to the fact.  And today is cd29.  Three days past when it should have ended.  So I took a home pregnancy test yesterday.  Negative.  And again this morning. Negative.  Based on average, I should be 15dpo - so HPTs should be accurate.  So therefore I do not believe I am pregnant.  But then the swirl of a billion other possibilities run through the brain.

First...on Monday before last....what should have been 7dpo, I had pain near my right ovary that felt like very severe O pain.  I'm talking the kind you get when you've been on a treatment cycle pumped full of FSH drugs with a golf ball size follie.  And I thought; WTF?  I know it's not ovulation at cd21...but maybe it was.  Maybe it was a cyst.  (At the time I even had the fleeting thought maybe it was my appendix).  So **1** there is a possibility that for some odd reason for the first time in 46 cycles I ovulated a whole frickin' week late.  OK, so then period should be here Saturday.  But what if I do have a cyst that is putting out progesterone?  Then I won't get a period.  That's possibility **2**.  Oh, and did I mention I'm fighting a cold with a low grade fever of 99.2 so I can't tell if my BBT temp is up or down? Fun times.

**3** I have had half of my thyroid removed.  Levels were taken at 4 weeks , 3 months, and 6 months post op and found to be fine.  But I have lost 9lbs in less than 2 months...which is a bit rare for me.  I thought it was because I was working more night shifts which = small dinners and no snacks and excercise at night when I'm usually sitting on my ass on the couch.  And yes, that still may well be the case ((Score)).  But what if the weight loss and no period is a sign my half thyroid has decided to fuck up my predictable world.

**4** And this is the TMI embarrassing one.  I have some spots in my upper thigh, basically when the thigh meets the crotch.  I assumed when they first appeared that they were clogged pores with a zit that didn't come to a head.  Now they are slightly tender and sore and googling around I am fearful that it might now be an infection.  Like a staph infection.  Super.  And last night, past midnight, on my phone in bed I found a website that said this could delay AF.  but of course now in the light of day with a clearer head.  I cannot find the site and wonder if I'm wrong.

**5** (And this is where my mind seriously goes off the ranch people).  What if I actually did hit the 4% chance of getting naturally KU but it's not showing up on the HPT yet.  First, I think it should def. show up by 16dpo tomorrow and I only have one HPT left in the house.  But then I start to think...I never have ever gotten a pos. OPK because of my diabetes, so what if that effects HPTs too.  How high does the level of HCG have to be to overcome this?  Since I didn't find any evidence to this on google, I know I'm just fishing.  But that's what over three years of infertility will do to a girl.  There's that line from Psycho "We all go a little mad sometimes".  That time for me is today.

So I have decided that tomorrow if no AF and no pos. HPT I will call OB (or RE, more on this a little later).    I will request an appointment as soon as I can get squeezed in (hopefully in before Friday).  Since I have not gone for my annual that was due back in March and need one before my 4th IUI in January, I've just been putting off the inevitable.  I will not only ask for a pap (where I will bring up, WTF is this bump thing? Is it an infection?) but I will ask for a beta, p4, and thyroid level check.

If I do get AF by tomorrow morning I will just call to schedule my pap (and get that thing checked out) but for next week or week after since there will no longer be a rush to keep my sanity.

If I get a pos. HPT, I will call RE and ask for all of the above tests and then ask about getting my annual pap from my OB and ask about the cyst thing.  Some IF'er might ask, Why the OB in the first place? Why not just the RE no matter what since I've been in his care more recently than the OB.  Well, since I am out of pocket (OOP) for RE stuff ever since we passed the testing phase, I see no need to have to pay lots of money for a matter my OB can bill my insurance for.  The only reasons for reservations on this decision is that my RE knows more.  And I suppose if I ask, it could be billed as testing, not IF related since I have not had a treatment cycle since April.  But I just don't know if I'm willing to take the risk.

I don't write this post for you, my few and far between readers.  And let's face it, it's really long now so are you really still even reading?  No, again this is a post for me.  So in the future I can try to laugh at how at cycle 46 (46!) I became a newbie all over again.  Besides, I've now vented about this to all three of the places where my IF'er e-friends reside so this is old news.  Yes, I'm ignoring the advice I have given to newbs for years.  That wonky cycles can happen.  And to just test every couple of days and don't worry until you hit 60 days.  Well I'm not having it people.  And I'll tell you why.  As one of my COA girls said it tonight...  I have 46 cycles under my belt!  It's not like I am doing this on a whim.  But I still feel the newbie shame.  Ugh.  Please let this nightmare end either pleasantly or at least quickly and fairly painlessly.