No fresh transfer?

So my call today did give me part of the answer I wanted:  I get to trigger tonight (actually in 15 minutes so I will probably have to pause writing this to do it).  I am so full and bloated I just couldn't have imagined needing to go another day so I actually said "Thank God!" when she said I could trigger.  BUT my progesterone was 2.13 so it's "Highly, highly recommended to freeze all and do a frozen transfer instead of fresh".  Que tears.  I'll get to all the thoughts and fear in a bit.  First let's take a look at these stats:

Right:  27, 25, 25, 24, 22, 19, 18.5, 18, 17, 16.5, and 11 ....so that's 11 on this side but 12 likely for retrieval.

Left:  25, 22, 21, 19.5, 19.5, 18, 12, 10, 10, 9, and 8 ...so that's 11 on this side too but only six likely for retrieval.

So 18 most likely at ER.  I'm hoping for at least 10 mature and fertilized through ICSI.  That's not asking too much, right?

My estrogen level is 2009.  I've read they like between 1,000-4,000 at trigger and if Ganirelix suppresses that a bit then it sounds like I'm perfect.  Now that whole freeze.... Hang on let me go trigger....

OK, so I know there are some that believe FET is better because your body has a chance to rest and heal up from the trauma of growing so many eggs, and in case you get OHSS and all.  And I actually believe that.  But here's my fears.  We agreed to a price and made our deposit based on a fresh transfer.  Are there additional costs moving the transfer to frozen?  I had wanted to be KU or at least PUPO around the time of our due date for our miscarried baby.  Now I won't be.  In fact I'll probably be getting my period then.  I had taken off all this time off work for the fresh transfer, now I'll need additional time off for the transfer.

Now the BIG fears.  What if my egg quality isn't great?  I am no a spring chicken anymore and I've read of those who have none that make it to freeze - that's not real uncommon.  Do we watch and if they're not looking good do a 3dt fresh anyway?  What if they say no to that idea and none make it to freeze and we don't even ever get the chance and just spent all that money for no even the chance to put an embryo in me? Freaking.the.fuck.OUT.

The nurse said not to worry too much.  Yeah, thanks.  On the cost factor - she said she could start trying to hoard drugs for me to save on that cost and as for the procedure, I can talk to Dr. Jacobs because he's quote "a good guy".  Yeah, he's a good guy but that doesn't answer the cost question yet. Mmkay? Thanks.

Jeff of course has been great.  And trying to get me to laugh, as always.  But you know what really hurts a bloated full of eggs belly?  Laughing.  But I love him for trying.

Breath in.  Breath out.
Breath in.  Breath out.
Try to stop crying when you think about it.
Breath in.  Breath out.

Damn hormones.