Wink Wink

So first let me say upfront that Jeff said this time around he didn't want me to tell anyone the outcome of our FET except for family and my internet girls (I assume he might have just meant the #75strong, but he could have also meant the COA, TB girls on 3T, IF, or TTCAL or even here.  Who am I to get clarification?  I'd rather guess that he meant all internet females possible.

BUT let me stress I'm not to be telling others so if by some chance a friend of mine happens to read this *cough* I didn't tell you nothing.  Nor can I tell your sister. *cough* And DO NOT call me this week as there is nothing to talk about.  Understand?  I do not want to be a liar to my husband so I am not telling anyone aside from our parents and siblings and the "internet girls".

And I totally understand and am very hesitant as well.  Because once you experience loss it's hard to not worry.  And if you've been through four years of infertility you don't believe in a happy ending.  You believe this will only continue.  Possibly forever.  And I've only had four days of positive tests.  And a positive beta of 104 with a P4 of 18.  Last time I had three days of positive tests and a positive beta of 40 something but then it all went to shit - that day of beta is when I started to miscarry.  So I get it.  I totally get it.

But for today I am pregnant.  After one thousand, five hundred and eighty three days of fighting infertility.  Four years and four months of trying, five IUIs, one chemical pregnancy, one IVF and one FET.  Tomorrow I will go over some of the "fun stuff"...symptoms,  tests, etc.  for now I need a nap!