A FB friend of mine posts a lot of political garbage that I don't agree with but I turn my head and ignore. But today, he posted something about the "facts" of planned parenthood stating the founder was like a nazi wanting to "weed out the unfit". Now, even with the interview video he later supplied that makes it sound like the woman was a bit nutty I still had to take a stand. I wanted to share my responce because I'm still fuming at this. I do understand that there are people against abortion. Fine. I said a few post ago that I was not doing a post on abortion (yet) and this still is not really it. But it's close. Below is my response to his posting.

First; love the first three minute commercial for phillip morris LOL.

Second, nothing in the above video talks about "eugenics" or "weeding out the unfit".

Third: I fully support PP because 33% of it's business is birth control...and we don't need any more teenage pregnancies, or even married couples not ready to open their heart to children (There are plenty of mistreated and unwanted children in this country whom my heart aches for). **adding to blog Did anyone see the news today of the grandma & step mom who as punishment for the nine year old girl who ate a candy bar and lied about it run until she couldn't? She ran for three hours and died of exhaustion and dehydration. Makes me sick.

Another thing planned parenthood provide is testing for cancers of breast, cervix, ovarian, and yes even testicular cancer. I was without health insurance for a year and was happy I could get their services at a low cost. With this economy it's not just "lazy" people. It's people like you and me that don't make a whole lot. Only 3% of their work is abortions, and even that is a guaranteed right in America. (Again, no need for more unwanted, unloved children).

And finally - as someone dealing daily with the pain of infertility I can not deny I'd do anything to have a child - but I will not deny the right for 3 million americans served yearly by PP to plan their family for when it's right for them or get cancer screenings. And as a man, who are you to tell me what I can do with my body?

I'm not going to bother to watch the other two video - even if she was a racist (common in that time BTW) the PP of today is nothing of the sort and to say so is clearly holding on to the past. I'm sure there are tons of good things now that came from unsorted idiots and racists. Doesn't mean the product of their ideas is bad.

Could it finally be time for a little luck on our side? (Not IF related)

So a few posts ago I was talking about how the job search relates to IF.  And how the hope of a job possibility can also break your heart.  Well, it all started on the same day as our canceled IUI...my friend Brit said there might soon be an opening at the fire department for administrative work (her mom works there, and I worked there doing data entry back when I was a senior in college).  This gave me hope, and reminded me to get back on the job-hunt horse (at least a little bit).  IF can not stop my life, I need to live it! 

So I updated the resume (again).  Updated my Monster, Hotjobs, LinkedIN, etc profiles (again) and started doing a little searching (again).  As well as talk to someone at work again about wanting to move up in the company (if I was stuck at Target, might as well make the best of it right?).  So I had applied for 14 jobs in the last month.  Not a lot, but kind of sticking my toe in the water to see how the market is.  All of these I applied for on Jan. 31st, or Feb. 7th.  And in the following weeks crickets....not a good sign to not even get a "thanks but no thanks".  Started to again feel that disappointment creeping in.  Thinking again - "This economy is so crappy!  I'm one out of 400 people trying for each of these jobs." 

But then something awesome happened.  Jeff, who has also put out feelers in the job market (mainly out of frustration with his current company.  Thankfully, he is not under-employed like me.)  saw a posting that came up because he added "RFP" in his trigger words.  I explained to him "Request for Proposal" will get him a lot of sales job postings, which as a lawyer in the insurance/workers comp industry he would not be interested in.  But what happened to pop up?  Media Traffic Coordinator at Barri.ngton Broa.dcasting Group. 

Why is this awesome?  For seven years I worked in television advertising sales.  I made a butt-ton of money and love the industry.  But I got burnt out on sales.  Like I never want to be a sales person for the rest of my life- burnt out.  But there are very few related jobs that this leaves me qualified for.  Marketing for any company, sure.  Media buyer for those companies that advertising on TV and radio, of course!  But many only have one person for that or hire an advertising agency.  Work at an advertising agency? Of Course!  But most of those are downtown Chicago and I don't want to either be stuck in traffic or on the train for two hours a day!  So my "ideal job" is fairly narrow.  (Thus why applying for administrative jobs.) 

And then along comes this.  They are a company that owns 28 television stations.  In a suburb not half an hour from me, they are the HQ for this company.  And this job would be taking what the sales people sell (what I used to do) and make sure commercials and web advertising on their sites gets set up correctly.  PERFECT!!  They even use the system that I was chosen as one out of six people at Hearst Argyle (out of over 200 sales people) to train and re-write the training manual for.  Score!  How many people have that background? Not many. 

So I had a phone interview today that I killed at.  I mean, I think I was super impressive.  Sure, it was just a short 25 minute screening interview but I nailed it.  And now I have an interview set up for Friday with the VP of sales.  I hope, with all the bad luck I've had these past three years that I will finally have a stroke of good luck.  A little over twice my current salary will go a long way!  And I'm curious what their IF health benefits are.  But more importantly, I will feel useful again.  A monkey could not do this!  They need someone like me.  And I'd be back in the industry I love!  Fingers crossed for the stars to align.  Please!!

Tag you're it!

Tag! You're It!!

I've been tagged by Mrs. Slick in a game of tag that's been going around the IF blogosphere.  And everyone knows, people like talking about themselves. :)
Here are the rules:
1) First post the rules.
2) Answer 11 questions from the person that tagged you.
3) Create 11 NEW questions for the people you tag.
4) Tag people and link them to your post.
5) Let them know that you tagged them.
Here are the questions she had for me:
1. What is one food you could eat everyday? Cheese or Peanut butter.  I actually do eat cheese probably every single day.  But I only allow myself to buy peanut butter about four times a year, because when I do...I eat the whole jar in two or three days.

2. What was your favorite childhood book? It's called Miss Rumphius by Barbara Cooney.
It's a book about finding a way to make the world a better place in your own way.  It has absolutely beautiful watercolor art work. 

3. What was your favorite subject in elementary school? History.  And now as an adult I most like historical fiction!  In elementary school I think we spent too much time on American Indians and not much else.  But I still remember my report I did on Hoppie Indians in 2nd grade.

4. What was your favorite subject in high school? Again, History.  But my senior year I took an elective (there was no required history senior year) called "Current Events" and I loved looking at what was going on from a more 'historical' prospective.  Best day of class? We happen to be in class when the OJ Simpson verdict was read.  Watching history live and having a discussion of frank opinions. It was awesome. (*Clearly I graduated in 1996!*)

5. What is your favorite cooking medium (grill, oven, etc)?  Stove top with our cast iron skillet!  We got it the Christmas before we got married from my brother and Jeff agrees it's the best thing off our wedding registry.

6. The world is ending - weapon of choice? Huh? Weapon of choice? For what arming myself against riots? Killing myself before it ends? I don't know much about weapons...but I'm guessing I'd like a solid handgun for self defense.  I'm not much for num-chucks LOL.
7. If you could describe yourself at 10 years old in three words, what would they be?  Outgoing, Klutzy, Blossoming (had to get my first bra that year - boo).

8. Now describe yourself now in three words.  Opinionated, Loyal, Restless

9. What's your favorite scent for your home?  We have scentsy, and I love the Black Raspberry Vanilla the best.

10. What is your favorite childhood vacation memory? Strange but I guess it's when we went to the Grand Canyon and I climbed up on a railing for a better look down.  My dad came sweeping out of nowhere to grab me off it and gave me a lecture on how it was dangerous and I could be hurt.  I knew then about how he was afraid of heights, and thought it made me more brave then him.  I now know it was that but more my dad being a protective and watchful father.

11. If you could meet anyone, past or present who would it be and why? Part of me wants to say President Obama because he's just an impressive man.  But I have to go with my hero, Kevin Smith (director).  He went after his dream and made his first film Clerks using friends and credit card debts.  OK, now he's a little too much of a pot head but if I could meet him five years ago and talk to him, I've love it.  I've read his two books and seen him live in one of his Q&As.  He's funny as hell, and I think a lot like me only gutsy.

Now for 11 questions for those tagged to answer:
1.  What song reminds you of your childhood?
2.  If you could go back in time and change one thing (in your life or in history) what would it be?
3.  Name the part of a Man's body you find most attractive.
4.  Go to number 13 in your phone's contacts....what does that person mean to you?
5.  What movie makes you feel like a teenager again?
6.  What is a "go-to"meal for you to eat for dinner? (most often cooked or bought)
7.  What is a "guilty pleasure" of yours?
8.  Where you named after anyone?
9.  If I gave you a plane ticket to anywhere, where would you go?
10.  What is your favorite picture that you are in (either descibe it or display)
11.  What is something you're afraid of?
 
Now list people to Tag! (sadly, I don't follow many people that have not either a) been tagged already or b) are not straddled with a child (or mulitples) under the age of two!  For you Mommies out there that actually follow my blog, if you have time - please feel free to play too!  But for now I will simply tag these lovely ladies...
1.  Emily at Three Dogs, No Baby
2.  Sarah at Happily Home Spun
3.  Scubagirl at Living with IF
4.  Erin at Journey to Baby Negs (aka Bad Grammar and punctuation) **If she has not already delivered...Give us an update!! 

Vacation dreamin' - Juice-ski style!

So yes...I married a bowler.  I will admit I was previously snobby to think bowlers were white trash.  But after having hung out with many for the past five years, I can say they are from all socio-economic groups.  It's just something fun to do with friends.  But Jeff is a big enough bowler to go to the Nationals.  They have a group of ten guys so that they have two teams, but then they can each also bowl doubles.  We've gone to Reno(2x) and Vegas (1x) for the past three Aprils for this.  I go because we make a vacation out of it (only two days for a few hours does he need to bowl). 

This year Nationals is to be held in Baton Rouge.  I was looking forward to a change of scenery as well as my MIL and I were going to take a boat tour of old plantation houses.  And let's not get me started on the food!  Jeff gets an annual bonus March 15th every year that pays for this vacation.  And for two of the last three years, this is our only vacation (thanks economy, crap job, and IF costs!) so I really look forward to it. 

Last Monday, the bowler who organizes it all informed Jeff that they were canceling going this year because one of the team members dropped out, another lost his job, and three were injured.  So no Baton Rouge for us. :(  Jeff said he was glad because he wasn't really interested in the location this year.  I said I was disappointed because it's our only vacation.  He then said "We can go somewhere else.....like Wisconsin Dells."  ***crickets****  WHAT?

For those of you not from around here, we live about 4 hours from the Dells.  It's the waterpark capitol of the Mid west.  *Side note, Jeff does NOT do waterparks*  Aside from that, it has a casino (HoChunk).  Now, we like to gamble - for sure, but really? HoChunk used to be my client when I sold television advertising in Milwaukee...and I had to take three bus trips with old folks up.  I do not have fond memories because as the "host" I had to go by myself, hang out with old folks gambling, and go home.  Plus, no cool regional food I can't get here in Chicagoland.  Plus no cool cultural or historical things to do or see.  Jeff jokes (with a grain of truth) that they have awesome minigolf too. ****blank stare**** "Yeah, that isn't getting me anymore excited." 

After a few days, I explain why I'm disappointed.  And I started thinking and looking at other ideas.  Idea #1, Driving to New Orleans with a stop overnight on the way there and back in Memphis.  It's cultural, historical, great food and there is a casino for a little bit of gambling.  Idea #2; Washington DC and Boston.  I've never been to Boston! And I loved the three days trip I did to DC 8 years ago!  No gambling but Jeff was a history major and would also enjoy this trip.  Idea #3 Vegas baby!  OK, it's not historical or cultural.  But there is Bobby Flay's restaurant Mesa Grill!  Jeff went there for his bachelor party (after I left town having spent a few days there together.)  And I have dreamed of it ever since. 

But then there is responsible Kati.  It really all depends on his bonus.  We don't know how much it is until almost the day we get it.  Most of it is spent on catching up on bills and paying down debt.  I've already said, if it's the same amount (or more) as last year we can do a trip above.  If it's less (which is possible because the company announce it's funding 85% of bonuses this year.  Each department decides how to divy up that 85%, it's complicated but he could still get as much as last year or more even.  It's a multi Billion, world wide company so I don't even get how it works.) But if it's less, but by only 15% (the cut from last years funding) then we can do just the Dells.  If it's even less than that...no vacation for us. :(  Just one more month of waiting to find out if we get to get away for a while.  I really need it!  Fingers crossed for at least the same amount as last year!

Lazy Ass...that's me!

So those lucky fertiles in life are always saying the cruel phrase of "You're so lucky you don't have kids, enjoy it while you can."  Let's push past that I enjoyed 34 years of my life without children and I'm ready to say I've fulfilled that portion of my life and am ready to move on.  Let's push past that they can't understand the pain that statement causes us.  Yes, I'm lucky I can sleep in. Yes, I'm lucky that there is no trashcan that smells of poop.  And so fine, I'm going to enjoy this weekend of lazy bliss.  I've this time reminding self that I will miss this.

Two of my former IF comrades recently wrote a "day in the life" post of being the mother of triplet babies, and another of twins.  And I know that at a point, not too long ago they too would have said they'd trade anything for what they have now.  So I hope they will forgive me stealing their "Life in the day of", and not want to take a sharp knife and stab me after reading what I've done the last two days.  I really do find you two both to be super woman incarnate.  And ladies, I know it's very tough right now and sometimes it feels like your sanity is slipping away.  But in a year or so, you will have toddlers that sleep through the night, and soon after that, children out of diapers.  And then fun children that fill your life with joy.  So do yourself a favor and don't read what I've done, because lets face it...I don't want to be stabbed.

So in January the store is so slow I tend to get three days off a week.  So on Tuesday I clean the whole house (except for vacuuming, which I had done the previous Friday) so my goal for Friday and Saturday that I've had off is simple:  Vacuum, clean the kitchen & dishes, do one load of laundry, put away one I had done back on Tuesday, wipe down the bathroom counter top and buy a pair of new work pants.  All of this might take up two to three hours of my life.  Plenty of time to do nothing. 

Friday...wake up a 8:20 (see Moms, I told you not to read!) without an alarm.  Come downstairs and get on computer.  And I proceed to sit and play online until 11am.  In my sweatpants.  I decide, wow - I should probably get ready for my "day" so I go upstairs and start my bath. (Yes, folk...I take a bath almost every day).  While the tub is filling up I make the bed and put away the load of laundry that's been sitting for three days on the floor.  GO ME! One thing off the list! 
So I enjoy a 45minute bath while watching an episode of LOST on our portable DVD player.  Oh, did I not mention I'm that decadent and insist on watching TV while I take my bath?  Yes, since I *enjoy* my child free lifestyle while I'm stuck here I make my way through all seven seasons of the West Wing and now six seasons of LOST (I'm about 16 baths away from finishing...and then I'll probably start it all over!  Judge away!)  And no need to tell me, I'm fully aware once I have a baby I will be happy if I can grab a five minute shower in peace so I'm laying there relishing my peace. 
The bath gives me a boost of energy, so I come down, do the dishes, put away the ones in the washer, clean the kitchen and make lunch for Jeff and I.  (He's working from home as he's sick as a dog.)  I then sit on the couch and go back to the computer from 1-3:30.  How on earth do I waste so much time? It's a gift people.  It's a gift.  I decide I'm rotting my brain with this and decide I should read my book, as it's started to get really good.  The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo takes a while to get into but then it gets to a point you can't put it down.  Apparently that point was around page 250.  Because I then proceeded to read only stopping to make dinner and eat it with Jeff while watching Jeopardy we TiVo'd (yes, I'm old school and have one of the original Tivos).  I finished the book at 9:30.  Get back on the computer and observe to Jeff that reading for that many hours in the day make it feel like it's 7pm instead of 10pm.  We proceed to stay up til Midnight playing words with friends and surfing the web.  I'm surprised I'm able to get off the couch as I've been on it for over 12 hours of the day.  That, my friends, takes fuckin talent.  I am officially a lazy ass.  Think to myself, I will be more productive tomorrow!
Today...since I went to sleep after midnight, I sleep until 9am.  Walk right back to the couch.  (Off to a great start).  Spend an hour on internet before requesting Jeff start the breakfast I bought for him to make me (on the weekends he is the chef.)  His breakfast specialty is Egg Benedict, and we hadn't had it in over a month so my taste buds are watering.  We eat and watch the TV.  I ask if he's feeling up to sexytime since he's sick.  Score one for me, he's up for it.  After Mid Morning Nookie, I become the man in the relationship - and can't help but take a nap.  I sleep from 11:30-1:30.  Yes, after almost nine hours of sleep and doing nothing the previous day...it's just too hard to stay awake LOL.  After nap, head back to couch...still in sweatpants.  Jeff makes us lunch around 2:30 and finally at 3:15 I head upstairs for my bath (and LOST...oh Jack and Kate, why can't you get it together and kiss?).  I again, make the bed and this time wipe down the counter top in the bathroom.  *Sweet!  Only now need to vacuum, do a load of laundry, and buy a pair of work pants.  So at 4:15 when I'm done with my bath, do I do any of that? Nope!  I'm back on the couch and here on the internet.  I tell Jeff he has to make sure I buy pants tomorrow!  And well, the vacuuming can wait until Tuesday, it's just us here after all.  And maybe, just maybe I'll start that laundry after I post this.

Why write out my insanely boring two days?  Because someday I'm sure I will daydream of days like this.  I can look back at this post and want to find a sharp knife. 
And I promise, I'm not normally this lazy.  I just can't bring myself to do much of anything.  Slight depression can have it's benefits.  For me it appears it give me the ability to glue my ass to this amazing couch.
Where's my new book? Oh, laundry right!

Susan G Komen is off their rocker

So I was reading this article about how Susan G. Komen foundation is stopping its donations to Planned Parenthood (even though I had heard about it on facebook yesterday afternoon, and seen a story on last night's Nightly News on NBC) and it made me even more angry then I was before.  The closing quote from someone supporting the move saying something about how Planned Parenthood was thought of as "trendy".  WTF?  Why do people think of PP as the "abortion" place and then this woman comes in calling it "trendy"?  There has only been one year of my entire life where I did not have health insurance (From the time I left Milwaukee and got married to Jeff and thus was added to his insurance).  It was a scary time to think if anything happened, I would not be able to afford care.  I did take the step to go to PP for birth control.  I was so happy that the ability to get my annual pap and script for pills was available and affordable.  But trendy? I felt so embarrassed to be walking in there!  It's like you're saying to others in the strip mall "Hi people, I have no health insurance ...I'm poor."  Or, and knowing some people's views on abortion I felt they might be looking at me thinking "baby killer!"  Of course, with our IF now...it turns out I didn't need the birth control pills at all, but still...the piece of mind they gave me was important.  And so is giving women who are in situations like I was, when you find yourself without health insurance, the ability to get mammograms!  How can a foundation devoted to helping cure breast cancer deny poor women - the one's who are most likely to ignore a lump if they can't get treatment- the much needed screening?  I hope all this negative attention gets SGK to change their ways.  Until then, I support people who will donate to the American Cancer society (you can even designate the money to breast cancer research) as apposed to the SGKF.  I am not writing a pro choice blog (yet), I am simply writing a post that is standing up for those that can't afford  a simple preventive measure. 

Hope can cause Heartache

So in the past two and a half years I have on and off been looking for a job (when I had to start looking after having been laid off in a 10% cut of North American employees at my former company).  Ironically, this is exactly how long we've been TTC for.  For the three months I was looking - before swallowing my pride and taking the job at Target I was hopeful, but with the economy it got less and less hopeful with time.  But I took the job at Target thinking "It's just for the Christmas season because people don't hire as much in 4th quarter."  Then came January 2010, and I started looking again, and thought...well worst case I work here til I get PG (didn't know of our IF then).  I had a few opportunities come up that I thought were sure things, only for them to fall apart.  I started to get jaded and very pessimistic.  But still every few months, I'd spend some time and apply for jobs...just five to ten a day for a handful of days.  And nada.  Over two years later still at Target.  Thankfully I got promoted from regular sales floor to trainer, to assistant manager of grocery...but still.  An idiot could do my job.  And while there are some busy days, a vast majority of my days are mind numbingly boring.  Even when busy, it takes almost no mental skills.   I live in fear of having a menial job forever.  Not to say those that work in retail are menial, I work with many wonderful people.  But I need more challenge in life.  And the problem with these times like now, when I apply for other jobs - is it give me hope.  It makes me hate being at work even that much more.  And then, there is the let down.  If nothing happens from 30-50 resumes sent, less than a handful of interviews, and no new job in two months I will be angry.
And it made me realize it's very similar to the IF battle.  I get my hopes up, only to be let down.  I have to keep having hope because, well...how else am I going to keep moving forward?  But it just makes the let down hard.  And that's where the anger comes from.  I'm putting all this effort in (to the job and to TTC) and I am very able (Hello? 8 years in marketing! Not to mention, I think I will make one hell of an awesome mom).  And yet, I'm not being given a chance by fate for either.  But I will push on.  And then I remind myself of my favorite quote from my favorite movie Shawshank Redemption.  "Hope is a good thing.  Maybe the only thing.  And no good thing ever dies."  Keep hope alive!