Happy Anniversary!!!!

So one year ago today I married my best friend. It's been a wonderful day thinking back to that day and the laughs and memories! Jeff's parent's took us to Breakfast this morning and in half an hour we will going out for a romantic dinner for two at Cucina Bella, the little Italian restaurant on old Main Street downtown Algonquin. In some ways I can't believe that it's only a year. It seems like we've never been apart. In other ways it's like I can't believe it all went by so fast! It seems like only yesterday we were spending Sunday's watching Bridezilla and talking about what our wedding would be like.
This afternoon for "lunch" we pulled out the top of our cake and ate a slice (as is tradition and supposed to be good luck). Who ever came up with that? After being in the freezer for a year I would not say it's inedible but it's so dry!! Except for the buttercreame, nothing can kill buttercreame. After having our one slice I agreed with Jeff that there is no need to eat the rest of it.
Well, I'm off to go re-do my makeup before dinner. Happy Anniversary baby & here's to many many many more!

RE apt. set

So on Wednesday I set up our first RE appointment. It's set for Monday at 8:15am. Jeff took the day off in order to go with me. I'm scared but excited to at least hear what lies ahead. Scared of - what if we can't afford it right now? The paper work came today. Good Lord!! I've filled out over 10 pages and there is at least 6 more. Needed a break. This is a short post because game six of the Stanley Cup finals is on. Blackhawks are up 3-2 at the end of second period. Go Hawks!

So we got the results of Jeff's SA yesterday and it doesn't look too good. Count is 19 million (they like 20 million or more). Motility (ie. how well they swim) they like to have it above 50%, Jeff's was at 16%. And finally morph (how normal or abnormally shaped/healthy they are) they like 14% or better and Jeff's was at 9%. I guess having an answer is better than wondering but it's still upsetting to hear. Jeff took it well, I guess. He was kind of stone faced when I told him the news. We will set up a appointment with a RE (reproductive endocrinologist) soon to learn what our next step is but it's looking like it's going to most likely be IUI in order for us to get pregnant.

June Already?!?

I can't believe it's June already! It's funny but with each cycle of trying to get pregnant it feels like time is moving so slow but then when you look at the big picture and think "a year ago it was less than two week until the wedding"; it's like - that wasn't that long ago at all!

We've entered a contest thru Lou Malnati's to renew our vows on a rooftop across from the Cross Town Rival game on June 13th between the Sox & Cubs. We've made it to the final 15 but I don't think we're going to win. But at least as finalists we got a $50 gift certificate to both Lou's and Home Run Inn Pizza as well as VIP Chicago tickets so it will be date night no matter what.

We find out on Friday if we win. We also find out Friday on Jeff's S/A and will then plan ahead of what to do next for our trip towards becoming parents. If it's OK then I think we will wait until after our vacation at the end of this month because I don't want to have to deal with medications/shots etc. when I can't be monitored for ten days. And then the next cycle would be cycle 15 but one full year. If, however, it's bad news we might at least meet with the RE to find out what the future holds. It's Tuesday, and I am hoping this week goes by fast.

The pic above is from last July and was used for the contest.

Debbie Downer today

So it looks that cycle 12 is a bust and we will officially move on to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist). I fear all that will lie ahead with this... possible infertility diagnosis, having to take injections, hormones wrecking my "normal" feelings, weekly blood work or ultra sounds to see how things are going.
One thing I hate, is that the procedures are so unknown to the average person. I have to explain to my mother (who is a nurse for goodness sake) what and why are the next steps. And none of my friends have dealt with it so it's all so unfamiliar to them. They want to seem supportive, yet they just can't understand. The worst is people who make comments without thinking, like "are you sure you guys are doing it right?". I know they don't know what to say so they are just trying to be funny, but seriously? Don't they know how rude that is for people who have been desperately trying to have a child of their own?! Obviously I don't wish infertility on anyone but sometimes I wish the awareness & knowledge was more common so that I didn't feel I get to be the "educational ambassador" for everyone around me. *sigh*

Memory Lane - West Virginia

Musical trip down memory lane today! I've listened to Moulin Rouge Soundtrack, Poe's Haunted and now Liz Phair's album "Liz Phair". These were my fav cd's around 2003-2004 when I lived in West Virginia. They make me think of taking drive down curvy mountainsides with my Saab convertible's top down while singing at the top of my lungs.
In a job interview the other week, I was asked if I miss sales. Don't get me wrong, I loved it while I did it (except the last nine months), but I don't miss sales at all. What I miss is the feeling of success and the autonomy from "the man" most of the time. I always loved that some times in Iowa or West Virginia I would set up sales calls an hour away from the office. I'd plan the music for the drive - - maybe a little Evanescence or Red Hot Chili Peppers. And love the drive! Especially in West Virginia, the scenery is just gorgeous! And that's what I miss...an excuse to take a scenic drive with good music and just my voice and thoughts keeping me company. Well, that and lunches with my co-workers laughing over stupid stuff. :)
This also makes me miss buying "whole" CD's. I don't remember the last time I bought a "full" album on iTunes. What am I missing out on by just buying songs I hear on the radio? Or by not riding around in cars with "the girls" anymore? I would never have heard of Poe if not for Joy & our camping trip to Ohio.
I think after this album I may go way back, to college and little to some DMB, Counting Crows, and Smashing Pumpkins. It's always nice to to immerse in the old times, while still loving life now.

"Everybody's doin' it!"

It feels like often that everyone around you is getting pregnant except for you. I want to know what was in the water that I missed four or five months ago! Two of my cousins are pregnant, a friend of ours Traci (who was told she'd never be able to have children) and two ladies at work. And I think they are all around the four/five month mark. I'm very happy for all of them but I have little pity parties that come in spurts and now that the two women at work are starting to show I have a little "why not me?" envy.
Because I'm currently working at Target I see PG women every day. And have to stock the diaper isle and walk past cute clothes, etc. I think it would be easier if I worked in an office where baby-fever wasn't in my face day after day.
Jeff says that "patients is a virtue. And you just don't have it." Which is true. But sometimes you just feel like saying "Isn't 12 cycles enough to teach me that lesson?" COME ON NOW.
Brit & Barb's daughters are now over a year old. Learning to walk, learning to talk. I guess what it comes down to is the worry that you will never get to experience that. Never celebrate a mother's day of your own. And today that fear has won the battle of the day, but I live to fight again tomorrow.