IUI # 2 tomorrow & weepy thoughts

So I have not blogged in a while, might as well catch up a bit. We took a break last cycle because we were in Reno for the start of it. The trip was a great get away from life and TTC. We won a thousand dollars on a slot!
Then May 7th started the cycle of IUI #2. I took 50 mg of clomid cd3-7 and yesterday was my ultrasound. I have one follicle at "perfect" size, and two more that might ovulate as well if they grew enough yesterday and today. My lining was a bit thin (5.5) so I'm taking estrodiol for five days internally to help with that (oh what fun - yuck). I took the trigger shot this morning and have the IUI tomorrow at 8am. I am soooooo hoping this is it for us as it's our last on our HSA account. If we need to do 3 or 4, it will be a bit of a wait (probably three months each time) to save for the costs. **Thus my post just before this about OOP IF treatments getting a tax credit! Please write your senators!!!

Well as I was writing my personal message to Mark Kirk and Dick Durbin here in NW Chicagoland I go a bit weepy. I wrote in my personal message that it's heartbreaking every day to see pregnant women, baby pictures, little boys playing baseball, girls dace recitals, prom, graduation, and weddings knowing I may never experience this as a proud mom. **tears flow as I was typing** I'm sure it's the drugs and all but this was just tough.
As was watching How I Met You Mother this week. I just knew Lily was pregnant as soon as she thought she had food poisoning. And I teared up again. Dang hormones, I think Jeff just tried not to notice I was feeling a little too emotionally attached to a TV character.
And finally, I saw a post on my wonderful support group... 3T on the bump. It was called "compliment a Bumpie" and two ladies thanked me for being so supportive, informative and for putting together the facebook Post A Day for National INfertility Awareness week back in April. OMG did I tear up seeing that. It was several days old so I didn't get to personally thank them but my heart is overflowing with love.
I have several women that touched me - Chupie & SarahL back when I was on TTGP, Mari, Magnolia, Amber and Glow that thankfully have now moved on (shout out as they are all Chicagoland gals!!) and some of the regs that have been around as long as I have LGL, Ashleyann, Zook, Orange - - they are all so deserving. I am happy to be supportive for the newer gals and am getting to know and feel a kin-ship with so many of them, too many to list honestly, but I can't help but feel sad. Once again I feel like I'm being left behind...there are fewer and fewer women that I know I've known for these last two years. There are only like four or five of us left that have *always* been here. It's like going to college and everyone starts graduating. I feel like I'm the stupid kid in class because I can't seem to pass.
I really hope this is it, and someone else can be happy to miss me because I'm tired of feeling like a failure.