Check this crap out

So Jeff's cousin's wife - who I only met once for half a day two years ago while on vacation down in North Carolina recently became my friend on facebook.  She saw a posting I made trying to get people to sign a petition in favor of insurance mandated coverage of IF.  She commented that there were more "ethical and cost effective ways" to treat IF non-medically and sent me to some "Pope approved" website talking about BBT, CM, charting, meds, etc - pretty much anything but ART (Assisted Reproductive Technologies IUI or IVF and god forbid a man doing a sperm analysis!).  I shot back with a response that I didn't see it as "unethical" and while the Pope wants to "shun" IF'er it was rude to say that to someone going through the heartache of IF.  And then my Dad commented this (which I love so much I've reposted it for all my IFers to see my hero Dad:   I don't know your friends but, if they all make unverified assumptions, jump to unjustified conclusions and provide unwarranted advice as Amy just did ... girl, you need some new friends! The Bible says, "the poor will always be with us" and, this proves that the presumptuous and tactless will apparently be as well. Continue to educate yourself and, ignore other's advice based on their own religiosity as you wish. Since you were raised surrounded by Christians, remind folks when you must that, "Jesus was a Liberal." Continue to do what YOU feel is best based on how you've educated yourself, ignoring those who speak without knowing, listening or asking. Under "References" for the link in the first comment ... "For physicians, especially obstetrician-gynecologists, who hear about NaProTECHNOLOGY for the first time, they are often concerned that there is not any peer-reviewed medical literature or academic literature which supports this approach. However, over the last 30 to 40 years, there has been a large volume of literature which has been published and presents itself as foundational work to both the Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System and the women’s health science of NaProTECHNOLOGY." I'm sorry but, there are also many books and papers relating to the superiority of religions, race, sexuality, gardening and alien existance on earth ... none of which mean there is any proof ... a basic tenant of the Scientific Method. "Ignore the man behind the curtain!" "Kneel before Zod!"

Can I say how great it is having a Dad that has your back, as well as makes bible references, rational thought, and finally quotes both Wizard of Oz and Superman?! Love it! (P.S. my Dad is Aethiest).

Then today I go to the mail box (over three weeks after this) to find a letter from her.  (Again, while our husband's are family - we are not and I've met her for a total of maybe six hours and BTW she and her husband have eight children. EIGHT.).  I'm going to retype her letter verbatim because of how insane it is.  So this is her letter to me in italics mine thoughts are highlighted normal font:
"Dear Kati, I am writing to you this evening as I am remembering the gift and fragility of life as we mark the day our miscarried twins, Marion and Jordan, were interred in their grace four years ago...never to see the light of day on this side of the veil of Life, they are a constant reminder to us to keep looking up and to keep hoping in God's wisdome and mysterious ways.  They are also a reminder that Steve and I are blessed to have any children at all blessed? you have eight kids! I'd say you're more than blessed; that our fertility is a gift, not a given; in fact, having suffered amenorrhea for nearly two years, I didn't know if I could conceive at all. But clearly you can and did. If you had gone to a doctor, you would have found a medical reason for not getting a period!


I am sorry that your and your dad found my efforts at reaching out to you offensive and repugnant. THAT was reaching out?! Calling me unethical?! I am really concerned for you and Jeff in your efforts to become parents. Take your concern and shove it lady! I way anxious to share a story of hope (Oh, goody someone sharing a story of hope! We never get that on 3T! ) with you regarding overcoming the odds with infertility, but wasn't free to share my sister's story until I had the chance to ask her.  She, also, was told she could never have children due to a septum in her womb that would most likely lead her to miscarry.  Over seven painful years, especially watching as my family and my other sister's family grow, it was hard for her not to lose hope.  She and her husband received fertility counseling, and began Clomid to increase her chances of conception. *Gasp* you admit to using of drugs?


We talked about the fact that it was our experience that God never places a good and lawful desire in your heart that He doesn't intend to fulfill, but that it is always in His perfect timing, not ours.  My sister and her husband then proceeded to step out in faith, and visited the tiny shire of Our Lady of Le Leche in St. Augustine, Fla. That first place that Holy Mass was celebrated on the North American continent in the 1500's and a portal of grace, it has become a pilgrimage destination for many couples unable to conceive.  Many other friends tell the story of how they finally conceived their first child after a prayerful visit there, and it would be no different for my sister.  Is she honestly suggesting I visit a "portal"  where magically God will grant my wish like a lucky fountain?  However, sadly she did miscarry her first little angel around Christmas of 2006.  
Determined not to give up hope, they began to consider adoption and a special surgery to minimized the effect of the dividing wall in her uterus.  She began a time of intense prayer to the Author of Life for help during the ups and downs of the spiritual pregnancy of the adoption, the months of waiting and hoping for the fulfillment of their dream.  In feb. 2008, they became parents of a sweet baby boy (whom they had been told would be a girl!)  who would have lived in poverty and neglect if not adopted.  They could not have hand picked a little one who was a more perfect combination of them both.  A little over a year later, she became pregnant and gave birth to a son in Oct. 2009!  She is very happy with those lively little boys in her life today, and has great patience and appreciation for them both. Ooo! Another cliche of the fertiles: everyone that adopts magically gets pregnant afterwards! She's hitting all the classics - pray, adopt, I'm waiting for her to tell me to relax...


I think it is so vital to remember that every woman has her story to tell, with many joys and sorrows mixed in.  All of these stories are valid and worth sharing.  I think that our generation was taught to look at our womanhood with disdain Huh?; at least, as if it got in the way of our true self and our life's plans. Sorry, lady - no I always had a life plan of having kids and my "womanhood" isn't what's getting in the way, it's sperm and a female hormone, not my who-ha thankyou very much!  There are a lot of wounded women out there who are hurting from this reality.  And there are men, too, with skewed ideas of responsibility and fatherhood.  What the fuck is this statement supposed to mean and is it geared toward my husband? If so fuck you, you don't know him any more than you know me!  So many complications come from fighting nature!  Seriously! Are you insinuating that because I'm using ART a complication will be my fault then, instead of nature or science? However, there is hope because of God's plan for us to prosper and be fulfilled!  There are many stories in the Bible about women considered infertile and beyond childbearing years who gave birth to some of the most outstanding human beings that ever lived: Rachel and Joseph; Hannah and Samuel; Ann and Mary; Elisabeth and John.  It seems that, if God is saying "wait"; then he must have great plans for the child(ren) He is sending.  So if we give birth to a future president, you'll say it was God and not us as parent's or our child's hard work? So, please have faith in God, with whom NOTHING is impossible! She doesn't realize that while Jeff is Catholic he married a non-believer *gasp* Trust in His love and mercy for you and I am certain that He will reward your Faith, (Yep, really doesn't know me) as he has done for so many down through the millennia.  God Bless!  And please, pray for our family, too, and we pray that God will fulfill your dreams!


 Now - while I am not religious, I do not talk bad to those who believe.  I do not shove my beliefs down their throats, and appreciate when those don't shove theirs down mind.  But I will take the "semi" high road.  I will not respond to her letter..  Instead, I am waiting for IF awareness week.  And have my facebook campaign week for her to see all of my IF thoughts.  And then, I will defriend her.