How has IF changed me/ HAS IF changed me?

Some one asked the other day how IF has changed people's views on children, others announcing pregnancy, seeing kids, etc.  And I wrote the following response:

As the roller coaster of IF rolls on - so do my views.  I had one set of views when we first started trying (I wanted two kids, and loved hearing announcements, birth stories, etc.).  

Then after a year and getting Dx with MFI I still wanted two kids but started getting angry and bitter about others.  

Then six months later when we could first start real treatments I was hopeful, had thoughts of twins, but cried and felt self pity over announcements and births.  

THEN during my eight month break, I had periods of hating the world (early in break) and coming to terms with our break, and even thoughts of what if we have to live child free.  

Now - more than two and a half years of trying...I except that my attitude changes with the wind.  I'd still like two kids.  But if we can only have one, I'm OK with it.  Hell, even if we never have any I've actually gotten closer to excepting that life will still be OK and fun just us two.  But I still have huge high hopes for us.  And while I might get angry every now and then at people getting PG, it only bothers me for a minute and then I move on.  I feel I'm at a very healthy, accepting point in my life of: you can't plan things.  You can only do your best to accept it as it comes at you and make changes to be happy. 

And then after a few told me how wonderful my response was I reminded them that since it changes with the wind - if they had caught me on another day my response would be very different.  I find myself every now and then quoting that line from the commercial where the woman says "I hate her uterus" when you see someone with four little kids.  Because yes, this happens.  

But in the grand scheme of things.  Do I really think I've changed?  I am much more educated.  Without a doubt.  I am an advocate.  To be sure.  But really, I don't feel very different.  I know a lot of IF'ers talk about how they hate the person they've become.  Aside from having a bit of a one track mind, I don't think I'm different.  

I wonder if my friends would have something to say about that.  Would they agree?  I'm still sarcastic.  My husband and I's relationship we joke is still based on mutual mockery (typical competitive sarcastic fair).  I visit my friends and their children and enjoy hearing stories of their silliness.  I am "the cool aunt" who spends hours coming up with gift ideas for Christmas to fit the unique personalities of each of my five nephews.   I still clean my house a little OCD, read historical fiction, know way too much about movies from the 80's and 90's and television from the 2000's when I sold it (and critique commercials as if I still did).  I still enjoy my diet Wild Cherry Pepsi's and beer on Friday nights.  I wish I didn't bite my nails.  I wish that I didn't feel like a disappointment to my friends and family for leaving my career behind. And wish we were a bit better at money management and saving.  I am who I am.  

While IF may have changed me a little bit.  I hope it's changed me for the better.  

And that being said.  Yes.  I still hope like hell the next cycle works in April so we can be a family.

***blushing**** and yes, I did check what my potential due date might be.  WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?