Why had I not thought of that?

On a call to my brother yesterday finalizing some Turkey day plans he asked "So when will you know?" and I explained that my beta is for the Tuesday before Thanksgiving but I'd like to try and get it moved to the Monday before so that if it is positive I could have my second one on Wednesday.

And then it all hit me.  This all comes to a head right before Thanksgiving.  First let me say that when we original planned it I thought Thanksgiving was a week earlier (It's *not* the third Thursday of the month? Wha?!?)  so I thought I would not know but now...I will.  Sort of.

I told him I'd really like the second one before the holiday because well, last time the second one is when my beta started going down.  So he said "So either you will not be drinking or you'll be drinking ALOT."  And I laughed "Yes exactly" but the thought hit me - that's the end if I'm not PG.  Like the end, the end.  The end of our infertility journey.  The end to the hope of being parents.  And I'll find out just days before the holiday.

Now, if I had a normal job this wouldn't be too bad as I feel I can compartmentalize and not associate the holiday with all my hopes and fears of being a family and the following year and I'd have a four day weekend off work to deal with the mourning of this.  But instead I work retail now, and instead of having four days off I have Wednesday and Thursday off and will be working 8am-4pm Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  So if it's bad news I'll have to suck it up and face the world of mom's and dad's and screaming toddlers.  And if it's good news I'll still be running around like mad not able to take it easy because it's frickin black Friday weekend.  At Tar.get.  Oh Lord Help Me!

But I just can't believe I had not put together the implications of knowing if it did or did not work the week of Thanksgiving.  Good or Bad - there are issues to deal with.  Obviously I will be over the moon happy to try and handle whatever I have to if it's positive.  Like wake up even earlier to get a third beta before work if I have to.

But yeah....it hit me.  Holy Shit!  How did I not think about that before now?!