Yes, I get the irony!

So I posted the first day status on my "plan" (see two post below) for national infertility awareness week (NIAW). And several hours later I called my parents to wish them a happy Easter. My dad asks if I noticed a post he made and I told him "No, I have not been on facebook since this morning." He says "Well, mine is funny...not that mopey video like you posted. Did you notice that NIAW kicks off on a day filled with kids and EGGS!?! hehehe." Um - yeah dad, the irony is not lost on me. I explained that while Easter is not the same every year, NIAW is always the last week in April. It's not my fault it lands on Easter. And I told him some of the girls on the board were making cute jokes about their egg retrievals, ie the doctor went egg hunting and found 10...so yeah Dad, we all get it. Usually he's very supportive, and he did like the video even if he thinks it's "mopey". But sometimes ...aarrgghh! Pft! Fathers sometimes!

It didn't work

So after yesterday's temp drop, I just knew. I had a small sliver of hope but it decreased yesterday as the hours ticked on. By 4:30 in the afternoon I was spotting and by 9:30pm I had full on period. I cried enough yesterday that I think I may be all cried out over it. We leave for Reno/Lake Tahoe on vacation tomorrow morning for five days of drinking and gambling and seeing beautiful mountains. Because we're gone for cd3 testing we're just trying on our own this month, but since my cycles are so short (25-28 days) I should start another treatment cycle around May 9th with IUI around May 20th. Which is really not that far off at all. And I'm trying to remind myself what my doctor said: 90% of women get PG within the first 4 IUIs so one failed cycle just means we are that much closer to it working.

The PLAN!

Below is my plan for a facebook campaign during Infertility Awareness Week April 24th-30th. I still have Friday and Saturday to come up with but wanted to post to get input from others, either here or on the Bump... My creative juices (pun intended) seem to not be flowing. Help? Someone on the bump two weeks ago mentioned I should have a status mentioning how it's not just a women's problem...I seem to be having trouble writing this because while my husband is the one with issues, I don't want to "out" him as the one..anyone got any good wording for it? What else should be the final day? UPDATE: Thanks Kalichick for helping me come up with two more days. The plan is done!

1. Sunday April 24th: It's National Infertility Awareness Week! Did you know one in eight couples have trouble conceiving? To get a glimpse into those dealing with this medical condition, please watch this beautiful video from my fellow IF'er Keiko Zoll. http://www.vimeo.com/11214833




2. Monday April 25th: It's National Infertility Awareness Week! Sometimes asking a couple why they are not pregnant yet can be more insensitive then you think. Learn more about infertility etiquette here http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html



3. Tuesday April 26th: It's National Infertility Awareness Week! Did you know many couples feel "broken" or that they have "failed" at some point during their journey? Our fertility is due to medical conditions, nothing we've done makes this something we "deserve" . For an eye opening look into how it feels, take two minutes and read this: http://www.infertilityeducation.org/pdf/Infertililtyfeelslike.pdf


4. Wednesday April 27th: It's National Infertility Awareness Week! Did you know that while many insurance companies cover Viagra, that infertility tests and treatments are not covered? Can you imagine the hundred and thousands of dollars your friends might be spending to start a family? You can't put a price on a child's love, but many are willing (and do) go into debt to know this love. Tell your congressman this needs to be fixed! Infertility should be covered by insurance! https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml




5. Thursday April 28th: It's National Infertility Awareness Week! Did you know It can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive? Infertility is defined as a couple's inability to conceive after one year of trying. Problems can stem from many diagnosis including: PCOS, Endometriosis, thyroid or other hormonal imbalances, or Male Factor Infertility. Impatience is not a fertility issue! Think you may be dealing with one of these? Learn more at http://www.resolve.org/




6. Friday April 29th: It's National Infertility Awareness Week! Did you know that infertility effects both men and women? Of infertile couples, one third have issues on the woman's side, one third on the man's side, and another third have issues with both partners. Get answers to more FAQ at : www.womenshealth.gov/faq/infertility.cfm




7. Saturday April 30th: It's National Infertility Awareness Week! After reading my status for the week, I wanted to end with something positive. Treatments CAN work!! I wanted to say congratulations to all my friends I have made on The Bump's 3T. You ladies give us hope, and your babies give us smiles! And for those of us fighting the good fight, know you are not alone. Don't give up hope! ((HUGS))

One little thing can ruin a whole day

So I woke up early today to a seven degree temp drop, which usually means my period will be here tomorrow. :( I feel so defeated! Just last night I was feeling some slight pain in my lower abdomen thinking it was a good sign and now I think it's early cramps. It's really nature's cruel-ass joke that early pregnancy symptoms and impending periods have some of the same damn symptoms! Yes, it's not over yet. Yes, it could be an implantation dip. Yes, it could be that I woke up too early. Yes, since I drink in my sleep I could have taken a sip of Fresca and incorporated it into my dream and that effected the temp. But I don't believe any of this. I believe I am out. I believe this cycle is a bust. I feel like somehow I failed. As if I had any control over it! I know in my head that I don't, but my heart isn't listening. And since so many people know, it's like I let my family and friends down. Which is so stupid!! I know they won't blame me, but I'm blaming myself. And I know I told so many because, well - I'm an open person and have been talking about our infertility for nine months now. I don't know how to keep it in. Sometimes I wish I was one of those private people suffering in silence, but that's just not who I am. It's not how I'm wired. It's just so ridiculous how one little thing like a temperature can ruin a day.

My Alter- Ego

I posted something similar to this on the bump but thought it fits what I'm going through right now so why not blog it?! My current alter ego is a super hero. I've named her "The Phantom Menses Symptoms". If you are nerdy enough, or heck it's pop culture anyway - to know the phantom menace from Star Wars then I'm sure you feel me. If you are TTC, then you already know what "phantom symptoms" are. Let me fill you in...in the two week wait between ovulation and finding out if you're pregnant or if you'll get your period you can have some "early pregnancy" symptoms that we call "phantom" until we find out if they are true or false.

Lucky me, I've not been too bad in the 24 cycles we've been trying. Sure there were a few months here and there where I was SURE that I was PG from the symptoms, but for the most part - I'm usually symptom free. Not so much this week. I had Thursday off to sit at home and google my lack of symptoms and sadly stare at my temp not shifting to tri phase. :( ...Welcome Friday! That morning my temp went up several degrees, I had dizzy spells at work, felt nauseous a little here and there. Saturday, same thing but lets ad my face breaks out, I'm peeing what seems like A LOT and have been really hungry since Wednesday...every meal I eat I think, I could eat twice as much! Today- Sunday - take all of Saturdays, but add that I'm even more moody! Oh and my back hurts even though I did nothing on Saturday to make it hurt. And now that it's evening, my boobs are a bit sore.

Oh yes people! I think I have every darn symptom there is on Internet lists! But here's the thing...I've had every one of these at some point on a cycle that ended up a bust. So my brain thankfully is winning out. I'm able to be rational about every symptom...I get moody off the progesterone almost every month! I'm diabetic, so I've always peed a lot! Oh and I'm almost always hungry!! Please! My face breaks out when I'm stressed and if someone tries to tell me this isn't stressful, I'm gonna smack 'em! Boobs, back, dizzy, etc have all popped their heads up at some point in the past. So I'm smacking them all down until I see other evidence, oh like say.... two pink lines!

IUI - - - I'm, ummmm, Inseminated

So Friday morning was the IUI. We got a good laugh to break the ice when my nurse performing the IUI said"I'd like you to slide your ass to the end of the table....OMG, I mean your butt! I'm so sorry!! I've never said that at work." I just laughed as I said "Don't worry...my ASS is at the end of the table". It took her three tries to get the cath past my cervix...she said it was stubborn. I said "Why should my cervix be any different them the rest of me?" After it was over, Jeff winked at me and told me he loved me and then entertained me with jokes until the ten minutes had past and I was able to get up. I had cramping the rest of the day, but I have been having pain in my ovaries the previous two days from my egg follies being so big, so I was not surprised. I was happy to wake up Saturday morning feeling almost normal. I personally have no idea how I'll keep myself busy for the rest of the 2ww. I've started writing a letter to Kimmy in Germany but think I will hold of mailing it until we're back from Reno. So it's a several day process and she'll get to be part of the whole journey. I think it will be a really cool way to tell her we're PG, if this ends up being a positive cycle. I've called the letter "Adventures in Babymaking"- like a play on words of that old Elizabeth Shue movie from the 80's about babysitting. Jeff and I have been taking the "take it easy" advice to the extreme. We've picked up or are ordering food for the third meal since Friday morning. Oh and we went out for ice cream last night too. So if I gain some weight this week, I'll know it's not a early symptom...it's all the comfort food we're noshin on. But I'm back to a full 35 hour work week next week and hopefully with all the work, working on the Founders Run etc. will keep me busy enough.

Trigger Shot Done

So I gave myself the trigger shot last night. It was really thin and tiny. Nothing to freak out about and didn't hurt at all. I sat down to do it and then said "That wasn't bad." Jeff looked up and was like "you already did it?" Yep! Pin cushions have nothing on me. Only issue is, I decided to take a HPT this morning so I could see what a positive test looks like in person. And I can't see a line! OK, it's super super faint that it might be there, but I thought the trigger made it so HCG was in my system which would show a positive test... So shouldn't it be darker? Like "here there is def. a line there." ?? I planned on testing out the trigger with dollar store tests, so I guess I will just see if they get darker tomorrow or Saturday. I'm saving the EPT's for 13dpIUI forward.