So I've gotten mad twice in the past 24 hours after a recent weight loss fad...the HCG diet. There are claims that you can lose 20-40lbs in just a few weeks on it.
For those of you have not heard of it... there is a fad diet that asks you to eat only 500 calories a day and put drops of HCG hormone under your tongue (Or for more intense folks - take it in injection shots form). First; let me say anyone who's ever read anything on a healthy diet knows that less than 1,000 calories a day is starvation. And well duh, if you go from eating 1,800 calories to 500 - yes, you'll lose weight at first. FROM STARVATION! I Don't know what these idiots are thinking. And why they would risk their bodily organs starting to shut down because of a fad?!? Morons. Medical studies have shown that it's harmful and that most put the weight back on after stopping the diet. (If you're curious just google "Dangers" or "risks" with the diet. Plenty pops up.
Now let's look at the HCG hormone part....um, WHAT?!!! It's the hormone naturally released when you are pregnant. (**It's the hormone that turns that home pregnancy test positive**) It's also used by us infertile folks as a way to force ovulation. In past posts, you will have heard me refer to it as the "trigger shot". This shot costs me $90, and people are buying it to lose weight? Supply and demand people! Your using it to get rid of your love handles? This raises the cost for those of us that need it for a MEDICAL CONDITION not those too lazy to get off the couch and looking for a quick fix to being a chubs. I mean, look...I need to lose some weight...but I'm honest with myself that I don't need some hormone - I need to eat healthier and work out. And *gasp* I've lost 8lbs in the last four weeks doing just that. That is a HEALTHY amount to lose, 2lbs a week.
Now yesterday, I got mad at a friend because there was a facebook post from her about doing this fad diet. Thankfully it turned out to be a virus that is going on around FB. But I learned that after I wrote a reply similar to the rant above.
And now, just today while reading a guilty pleasure (the blog "Hot Mess Mom") I saw a comment from one of her readers that mentioned she was on "phase II" of this idiotic fad in responce to a post from HMM about her weight loss progress (*At a facility & with a program that is monitored by health experts ala weight watchers). Que anger all over again.
Being infertile this pisses me off more than if it was a fad four years ago before all this started but I can guarantee you one thing. At that point I still would have thought it was STUPID! I had a roommate in college (not Kim that you've heard me talk about as one of my dear friends) who used to use laxative often as a weight loss form, and I mean a dangerous amount. And I thought the same thing...get off your fat ass and get on a damn treadmill. Or maybe trade that fast food burger for a salad once in a while.
Believe me, I am not some skinny chic with great genes saying this. I am a size 14. I am a bacon addict. I love a good jaunt through a fast food drive through. I prefer hanging on the couch surfing the web and yelling at the TV with Jeff to pretty much any physical activity. But that's my choice, and I know it's a choice that comes with the consequence of the size of my butt. Don't like the size of your butt? Do something about it! And I mean actual work, not taking this stupid-ass pregnancy hormone fad diet. And thus ends the rant.
Ice bar in Vegas 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
It's the little things I'm missing....
So sometimes you don't know what you're even missing out on in life. Sure, not having been blessed with children yet I know I am missing out on hearing your child say "momma" for the first time. That first time they giggle and it's not gas. The pictures that are filling up my FB feed of the first day back at school, etc.
But it's the little things that you don't even know you're missing until you see it first hand.
Today was Barb's birthday, and if you read my blog you know she's one of my closest friends and has a 3 year old and a 10 month old. Today when I came over the 3 year old had this thing hanging from her pony tail. It was two hair towels tied together and then with flower hair clips pinned to it. Hanging off her pony tail. And she comes running up proclaiming "Kati! Look at my beautiful hair!" Later she grabs my hand so we can go into the bathroom to see it "glow" (thankfully Barb informed me on the way that we are just imagining that it glows). Turns out her favorite movie currently is Tangled and in it Rapunzel's hair glows when she sings. She said she was going to be Rapunzel for Halloween which depressed Barb a little because she loves to do family costumes. ((I am going to find a way for her husband to be the leading man, barb can be the woman with dark hair and the baby can be the lizard and this is from me just watching a few minutes of said film.)) And Barb confessed that she found a Rapunzel wig that has fiber optics so it glows. But to me, there is nothing better than a toddler running around the house with towel on her head. I'm missing out on that cuteness. See this post for two pics of her families Halloweens past (middle of the post).
And then when Barb went to lay the baby down for a nap, I was guided into the other room to build forts out of summer patio cushions that had been brought in with the three year old. This girl has awesome fort building skills! And imagination because she also built a bridge, and a tower, etc after we build three different forts. It brought back GREAT memories of fort building in our basement with my brother. Forts were the BOMB. And how could you not love hanging out for a few minutes building forts. I am missing out on that fun.
Except for today. I will admit that while I am sad I don't have any of my own yet....I am so thankful that I have friends that have children! For many dealing with IF, I know it's too hard to be around children. But I'm glad it's not for me. **Most of the time** Yes, I get down at special occasions and holidays not being able to share it with a child of my own but the every day stuff? I can't help but smile at it! Because I would miss out even further by not experiencing fun through the eyes of a child right now. Sure, I wish I had this every day. And yes, I wish it was my kid. And of course, parents can get tired of what I find cute and charming. But let me enjoy my warm fuzziness in the moment.
If I never end up getting to be a parent, I know I will cherish all these surrogate aunt and actual Aunt moments. My Aunt experiences have been with the five boys, so it's great that of the friend's kids, four of the five are girls...so now I can see this side of it. I wish I had taken a picture of this little girl smiling at me with her towel Rapunzel hair popping out of her tent - but I was too caught up in the moment. And at least I have that snapshot in my head.
But it's the little things that you don't even know you're missing until you see it first hand.
Today was Barb's birthday, and if you read my blog you know she's one of my closest friends and has a 3 year old and a 10 month old. Today when I came over the 3 year old had this thing hanging from her pony tail. It was two hair towels tied together and then with flower hair clips pinned to it. Hanging off her pony tail. And she comes running up proclaiming "Kati! Look at my beautiful hair!" Later she grabs my hand so we can go into the bathroom to see it "glow" (thankfully Barb informed me on the way that we are just imagining that it glows). Turns out her favorite movie currently is Tangled and in it Rapunzel's hair glows when she sings. She said she was going to be Rapunzel for Halloween which depressed Barb a little because she loves to do family costumes. ((I am going to find a way for her husband to be the leading man, barb can be the woman with dark hair and the baby can be the lizard and this is from me just watching a few minutes of said film.)) And Barb confessed that she found a Rapunzel wig that has fiber optics so it glows. But to me, there is nothing better than a toddler running around the house with towel on her head. I'm missing out on that cuteness. See this post for two pics of her families Halloweens past (middle of the post).
And then when Barb went to lay the baby down for a nap, I was guided into the other room to build forts out of summer patio cushions that had been brought in with the three year old. This girl has awesome fort building skills! And imagination because she also built a bridge, and a tower, etc after we build three different forts. It brought back GREAT memories of fort building in our basement with my brother. Forts were the BOMB. And how could you not love hanging out for a few minutes building forts. I am missing out on that fun.
Except for today. I will admit that while I am sad I don't have any of my own yet....I am so thankful that I have friends that have children! For many dealing with IF, I know it's too hard to be around children. But I'm glad it's not for me. **Most of the time** Yes, I get down at special occasions and holidays not being able to share it with a child of my own but the every day stuff? I can't help but smile at it! Because I would miss out even further by not experiencing fun through the eyes of a child right now. Sure, I wish I had this every day. And yes, I wish it was my kid. And of course, parents can get tired of what I find cute and charming. But let me enjoy my warm fuzziness in the moment.
If I never end up getting to be a parent, I know I will cherish all these surrogate aunt and actual Aunt moments. My Aunt experiences have been with the five boys, so it's great that of the friend's kids, four of the five are girls...so now I can see this side of it. I wish I had taken a picture of this little girl smiling at me with her towel Rapunzel hair popping out of her tent - but I was too caught up in the moment. And at least I have that snapshot in my head.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
I love being right, even on the little things...
So I've mentioned that I have not been real interested in eating lately. Well today we had lunch at 2pm. About three inches of a chicken wrap and a small cup of soup. So about 8pm, I started heating the oven for making our dinner. Jeff said "I'm still not hungry." I said, "Neither am I, but I can feel my blood sugar is starting to get low so we should eat."
He joked, "You're now diabetic. HIGH sugar, not low." (He knows I was hypoglycemic until a few years ago when my pancreas gave out after years of over reacting and now is diabetic.) But I'm on Met.formin for it. Which as I pointed out to Jeff one of the side effects of the drug is working too well and causing LOW blood sugar. Which after living so much of my life with this problem, I know exactly what the signs and symptoms are...so I know exactly when I need to eat to avoid problems. **most of the time**.
He doubted me. Bwahaha! That fool. So being the competitive type A people we are, he dared me to take my sugar level saying he bet it was around 100 (where it should be). I told him, while I felt some signs I was not yet weak or shaky so I guessed 85. I told him if we didn't eat in the next half hour to an hour it would drop to 50's. (I tend to pass out in the 40's).
Took it and Boo-yeah, 84. How good am I? Guessed to within a point!
Yes, clearly we have problems if we like to bet on anything. And will use blood, (yes blood people!) to prove who's right. That's bringing it!.
Oh, and I was right on another thing today. We watched the Hungar Games this afternoon. I was like "Is that Lenny Kravitz?" He said no, Lenny's got to be 60 by now. I said "How do you figure?" He claimed "Are you going to go my Way?" Came out when he lived in the dorms ala 1990. And he figured Lenny was about 28 or 30 at that time (Which if you do that math my friends still only make him 44/46 now, not 60!). So after the movie, and the credits role: I'm right again! And like any competitive couple, we have to go to the internet. He was born in 1964, which makes him 48, and Are you Going to go my Way came out in 1993. Which made him 29 so Jeff tried to take a little credit at that but I pointed out still not 60. We both agreed LK has some great looking skin for a 48 year old because he still looks about 30. What is that man's secret?!?!
Are you part of a competitive couple? What are some of your successes? Some of my loses will never be forgotten, or lived down - he still loves to bring up that Raspberry Barrett was NOT on the Purple Rain soundtrack as I insisted one day. Oh well, for now I will savor my victories.
He joked, "You're now diabetic. HIGH sugar, not low." (He knows I was hypoglycemic until a few years ago when my pancreas gave out after years of over reacting and now is diabetic.) But I'm on Met.formin for it. Which as I pointed out to Jeff one of the side effects of the drug is working too well and causing LOW blood sugar. Which after living so much of my life with this problem, I know exactly what the signs and symptoms are...so I know exactly when I need to eat to avoid problems. **most of the time**.
He doubted me. Bwahaha! That fool. So being the competitive type A people we are, he dared me to take my sugar level saying he bet it was around 100 (where it should be). I told him, while I felt some signs I was not yet weak or shaky so I guessed 85. I told him if we didn't eat in the next half hour to an hour it would drop to 50's. (I tend to pass out in the 40's).
Took it and Boo-yeah, 84. How good am I? Guessed to within a point!
Yes, clearly we have problems if we like to bet on anything. And will use blood, (yes blood people!) to prove who's right. That's bringing it!.
Oh, and I was right on another thing today. We watched the Hungar Games this afternoon. I was like "Is that Lenny Kravitz?" He said no, Lenny's got to be 60 by now. I said "How do you figure?" He claimed "Are you going to go my Way?" Came out when he lived in the dorms ala 1990. And he figured Lenny was about 28 or 30 at that time (Which if you do that math my friends still only make him 44/46 now, not 60!). So after the movie, and the credits role: I'm right again! And like any competitive couple, we have to go to the internet. He was born in 1964, which makes him 48, and Are you Going to go my Way came out in 1993. Which made him 29 so Jeff tried to take a little credit at that but I pointed out still not 60. We both agreed LK has some great looking skin for a 48 year old because he still looks about 30. What is that man's secret?!?!
Are you part of a competitive couple? What are some of your successes? Some of my loses will never be forgotten, or lived down - he still loves to bring up that Raspberry Barrett was NOT on the Purple Rain soundtrack as I insisted one day. Oh well, for now I will savor my victories.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Lost my MoJo these last few weeks.
So the height of summer to me is Founders. And afterwards is exhausting because so much energy was put into the Fest. It takes a good week to catch up on sleep, at least. An additional week to lose the five pounds I always seem to gain from the beer and fried food But usually within two weeks we're back to routine, weight, sleep, etc.
This year? Nope. Can't seem to get enough sleep. And, Woohoo! Yesterday was the official pre-fest weight so yes, it did take me 17 days to loose those five pounds but happy they are gone. I was getting worried I wouldn't lose them all before Halloween candy and Holiday food start to pack them back on. **My year is a combination of gaining and loosing those five/six pounds. Only chance to really gain ground is in the spring and early summer when I tend to do IF treatments and pack them on from all the hormones, so it's a vicious cycle!** And as for routine? Fagedaboutit!
My work has been hectic with a lot of personnel changes that I have had not consistency in my schedule. I have actually been forced to work a LOT of nights. What this causes is not being able to get to sleep until around 1am, waking up around 9am and feeling like half the day is wasted. It also makes it that I rarely see Jeff. And while, yes, we are on a treatment break we still are trying on our own. But when I work nights and get home around 11pm it's too late, Jeff's too tired, etc. that we're not even trying this month....OK we'll try, but it will be cd16 so what are the chances I have not ovulated? Um none. I always ovulate between cd12 and cd15. So sure, there is that small miracle that I am on the later end this month and ovulate on cd15 and the egg is still alive by the time we get around to having sex on Saturday but you know what? I'm not even that upset.
I'm just so blah suddenly. And not about having sex, I was seriously randy the other week. But blah about everything. I am a bit of a OCD on cleaning and usually do everything in one day (because to me there is no better feeling then a fully cleaned house). But I've been stretching everything out to one or two cleaning activities a day so I have more time to lay around. And eating! I looooove to eat but nothing interests me lately except the idea of take out. A few days ago I barely ate all day; and for a diabetic that's not good....I need food to survive and I've even had low blood sugar attacks so I know better. But I just don't have the motivation to get up. It's like working in the evening has sucked all of my energy out. And I think part of that is not seeing my husband. When I work in the day, at the end of the day I have his company to look forward to. But now? Cleaning the house and eating...all I have to "look forward" to at the end of the day is working. BLAH! I think this is also why I've been taking naps, even though I get 7-8 hours of sleep this week. Because if I have nothing to look forward to, might as well sleep. I also tend to feel this way when I'm depressed, so I know the pattern - blah feelings towards cleaning and eating and napping often. But the thing is - I don't feel depressed. I guess just missing my husband and joy in life for a while is making me unconsciously depressed. But, you know what I mean...I don't feel hopeless, I don't feel "lost" in life (just on hold). I don't know what I'm saying, I guess just writing it is helping me.
Thankfully I have Friday night off (actually work in the day) and then the weekend off (FINALLY!! Back to my every other weekend off! It's been June since I had a weekend off except for Founders). And then don't work a night again until next Wednesday and the following weekend. I actually get to work in the day on Monday, Thursday and Friday!! I can't tell you how happy I am at the idea of actually being home, to make a home cooked dinner (even though I'm not excited by food right now, I'm so tired of work food for dinner). And to spend time with my husband!
AND of course there is something to look forward to, it's just two months away. Our Vacation to VEGAS. And Polish thanksgiving will be before then (Sept. 22). And cooler weather, with sweaters and boots! And the Founders wrap up party on Sept. 15th. I think I really just need to accept this work schedule is bringing me down and that next week is better. And if after they have the two new people fully trained, if they keep giving me a schedule of 60-70% nights that I need to stand up for myself and demand they spread it out among the new people more. As I told Jeff the other night, I'd be happier with less hours and less money, if I could see him and be a happier Kati. Sadly, I can't just quit but they can spread the nights over more people now that they've hired them.
This year? Nope. Can't seem to get enough sleep. And, Woohoo! Yesterday was the official pre-fest weight so yes, it did take me 17 days to loose those five pounds but happy they are gone. I was getting worried I wouldn't lose them all before Halloween candy and Holiday food start to pack them back on. **My year is a combination of gaining and loosing those five/six pounds. Only chance to really gain ground is in the spring and early summer when I tend to do IF treatments and pack them on from all the hormones, so it's a vicious cycle!** And as for routine? Fagedaboutit!
My work has been hectic with a lot of personnel changes that I have had not consistency in my schedule. I have actually been forced to work a LOT of nights. What this causes is not being able to get to sleep until around 1am, waking up around 9am and feeling like half the day is wasted. It also makes it that I rarely see Jeff. And while, yes, we are on a treatment break we still are trying on our own. But when I work nights and get home around 11pm it's too late, Jeff's too tired, etc. that we're not even trying this month....OK we'll try, but it will be cd16 so what are the chances I have not ovulated? Um none. I always ovulate between cd12 and cd15. So sure, there is that small miracle that I am on the later end this month and ovulate on cd15 and the egg is still alive by the time we get around to having sex on Saturday but you know what? I'm not even that upset.
I'm just so blah suddenly. And not about having sex, I was seriously randy the other week. But blah about everything. I am a bit of a OCD on cleaning and usually do everything in one day (because to me there is no better feeling then a fully cleaned house). But I've been stretching everything out to one or two cleaning activities a day so I have more time to lay around. And eating! I looooove to eat but nothing interests me lately except the idea of take out. A few days ago I barely ate all day; and for a diabetic that's not good....I need food to survive and I've even had low blood sugar attacks so I know better. But I just don't have the motivation to get up. It's like working in the evening has sucked all of my energy out. And I think part of that is not seeing my husband. When I work in the day, at the end of the day I have his company to look forward to. But now? Cleaning the house and eating...all I have to "look forward" to at the end of the day is working. BLAH! I think this is also why I've been taking naps, even though I get 7-8 hours of sleep this week. Because if I have nothing to look forward to, might as well sleep. I also tend to feel this way when I'm depressed, so I know the pattern - blah feelings towards cleaning and eating and napping often. But the thing is - I don't feel depressed. I guess just missing my husband and joy in life for a while is making me unconsciously depressed. But, you know what I mean...I don't feel hopeless, I don't feel "lost" in life (just on hold). I don't know what I'm saying, I guess just writing it is helping me.
Thankfully I have Friday night off (actually work in the day) and then the weekend off (FINALLY!! Back to my every other weekend off! It's been June since I had a weekend off except for Founders). And then don't work a night again until next Wednesday and the following weekend. I actually get to work in the day on Monday, Thursday and Friday!! I can't tell you how happy I am at the idea of actually being home, to make a home cooked dinner (even though I'm not excited by food right now, I'm so tired of work food for dinner). And to spend time with my husband!
AND of course there is something to look forward to, it's just two months away. Our Vacation to VEGAS. And Polish thanksgiving will be before then (Sept. 22). And cooler weather, with sweaters and boots! And the Founders wrap up party on Sept. 15th. I think I really just need to accept this work schedule is bringing me down and that next week is better. And if after they have the two new people fully trained, if they keep giving me a schedule of 60-70% nights that I need to stand up for myself and demand they spread it out among the new people more. As I told Jeff the other night, I'd be happier with less hours and less money, if I could see him and be a happier Kati. Sadly, I can't just quit but they can spread the nights over more people now that they've hired them.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Founders and 3 Years TTC
**Warning to my IF friends, this post will be filled with pics and yes, many of them have kids & babies**
Sosadly thankfully, our TTC anniversary falls during one of my favorite times each year. Our town's Founders Days. If you read about two years ago and last year, you know that Jeff and I are very involved. Jeff was President for the second year in a row and I was in charge of the 5 & 10K run. Very busy weekend where we only see the inside of our house to shower and sometimes sleep. **We sleep in a camper down in the park as we have "security" duty. Also, most nights we get home at 2am and leave at 8am so there is only so much sleep. I'm still recovering. i.e. taking a two hour nap for the last two days.
All that said, I had to fit in time to see one of my besties. Brit was in town from Georgia for a dual baptism with my other friend (and her sister) Lauren. I got to meet Brit's son Carter for the first time. And was able to squeeze in a few hours on Friday and two hours for the after party for the baptism (I was in charge of the race then so couldn't go to the actual event.) During the weekend I also sat with all my friend's and their children for the Fest's parade. Barb told me she forgot her camera, and would I mind taking some pictures for her? I soon turned into camera gal on all things cuteness between six kids...two of them age three, one age two, and three all eight months or younger. I will not tell a lie...I did get a slight pang of sadness that all these kids got to enjoy Founders through the eyes of a child, and I didn't have a little one to share it with. But the moment was fleeting.
And come Sunday, I was prepared for the baptism party. It's two close friends and their family. They all know my struggle, but it was not about me and I love the babies so I knew I'd make it through it great. What did I not count on encountering? A friend of Lauren's also in attendance announcing they were PG just four months after their wedding. Yep, que bitter, sad, and yes even crying Kati. I made a smart ass remark once or twice. (To the couple "Didn't you guys just get married last month?!!") and to Brit with couple in the room when talking about how it was a honeymoon baby "Must be nice" **dripping with bitter sarcasm. And then I ate a BIG piece of cake, sat on the porch and cried for a good ten minutes. Damn IF sucks when it catches you off guard. You'd think going to a party with two babies as the center of honor I'd be all kinds of prepared. I did have my "When, not IF" necklace on though, so I rubbed it to remind myself that I wear it as armor in my battle. It helped a little. Not enough though.
But the best night of the fest? Friday night was girls night for my friends. They all got the grandparents to babysit, came down to the park and drank. Since we so rarely get together, it's such a treat. Yes, it's understanding that since their children are so much a part of their lives that there were many talks of diapers, sleep, cuteness, ect. That I could not join in on, and felt a little left out. But there was also much of the night laughing, singing to the band, and reminiscing old times. I love and miss my girls.
The fest was awesome; we had the best sales ever for beer and now there is no more worry from two years ago's flood that we'd have to cancel the fest.
And so three year ago, as the fest ended, we started our TTC journey. And three years later, we're still stuck here. But I still have hope. And no matter if years from now we even have to live child free... I will always have the fest to love. The parade, the fireworks, the bands, the corn, the friends, and the good times. So I think I am glad that our TTC anniversary is tied in with such a wonderful time of year.
So
All that said, I had to fit in time to see one of my besties. Brit was in town from Georgia for a dual baptism with my other friend (and her sister) Lauren. I got to meet Brit's son Carter for the first time. And was able to squeeze in a few hours on Friday and two hours for the after party for the baptism (I was in charge of the race then so couldn't go to the actual event.) During the weekend I also sat with all my friend's and their children for the Fest's parade. Barb told me she forgot her camera, and would I mind taking some pictures for her? I soon turned into camera gal on all things cuteness between six kids...two of them age three, one age two, and three all eight months or younger. I will not tell a lie...I did get a slight pang of sadness that all these kids got to enjoy Founders through the eyes of a child, and I didn't have a little one to share it with. But the moment was fleeting.
 |
| Ellie, Carter & Addyson's ...Cousin's First Founders |
 |
| Sofia waving to the veterans |
 |
| Ellie praying for candy as Mom Brit fixes her hair |
And come Sunday, I was prepared for the baptism party. It's two close friends and their family. They all know my struggle, but it was not about me and I love the babies so I knew I'd make it through it great. What did I not count on encountering? A friend of Lauren's also in attendance announcing they were PG just four months after their wedding. Yep, que bitter, sad, and yes even crying Kati. I made a smart ass remark once or twice. (To the couple "Didn't you guys just get married last month?!!") and to Brit with couple in the room when talking about how it was a honeymoon baby "Must be nice" **dripping with bitter sarcasm. And then I ate a BIG piece of cake, sat on the porch and cried for a good ten minutes. Damn IF sucks when it catches you off guard. You'd think going to a party with two babies as the center of honor I'd be all kinds of prepared. I did have my "When, not IF" necklace on though, so I rubbed it to remind myself that I wear it as armor in my battle. It helped a little. Not enough though.
 |
| Brit, Ben, Ellie and Carter on Carter's baptism Day |
But the best night of the fest? Friday night was girls night for my friends. They all got the grandparents to babysit, came down to the park and drank. Since we so rarely get together, it's such a treat. Yes, it's understanding that since their children are so much a part of their lives that there were many talks of diapers, sleep, cuteness, ect. That I could not join in on, and felt a little left out. But there was also much of the night laughing, singing to the band, and reminiscing old times. I love and miss my girls.
 |
| Lauren, Barb, Brit and I for Girls Night Out!! |
 |
| Saturday with Me, Cher, Jackie, Dottie and Arlene |
The fest was awesome; we had the best sales ever for beer and now there is no more worry from two years ago's flood that we'd have to cancel the fest.
And so three year ago, as the fest ended, we started our TTC journey. And three years later, we're still stuck here. But I still have hope. And no matter if years from now we even have to live child free... I will always have the fest to love. The parade, the fireworks, the bands, the corn, the friends, and the good times. So I think I am glad that our TTC anniversary is tied in with such a wonderful time of year.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Reunions
 |
| Brit, Me, Joy, Chrissy, ?? and Erica at 10th reunion back in '06 |
My Parents used to joke that HS reunions were funny because at the 10 year - every one is trying to brag. Like "Look how great my life is"; talking about jobs, marriage, and kids. Well in 2006 I had no kids (obviously) and no husband (not even a steady boyfriend). So I was thankful I had my awesome job of working in television to talk about. And moving around the country for it, while many had stayed in our hometown. My parent's claim the 20 year reunion no one is bragging anymore, it's really time to reminisce on old time, reflex how old you've gotten etc. My husband skipped his 20th reunion (as it was the same summer as our wedding and we were a bit busy). He said he didn't care. (*Yep, I married a guy that graduated HS at the age of 17 in 1989...six years older than me but seven years of school older). My 20th is still four years away but I bet I'll go. But I'll keep my expectations low this time.
My last post was about Ma Higgins passing away and yesterday was her memorial "Irish Wake" (ie it was held at a bar of a country club so we could all sit around drinking, eating, and talking.) And in a way it was a 10 year reunion of college! Granted I graduated from college 12 years ago, but there were six of us there that all lived on the same floor in the dorms together: Tuttle, Hamlet (aka the Erin's), Raechel, Abby, Me and Kim. Kim was of course busy most of the time since it was for her mother but I did finally get to meet her two little kids Guillian (3) and Sean (18 mons). But for the most part it was the other five of us sitting around talking. And the talk was totally 10 year reunion fare: Jobs, Husbands, Kids. And this reunion I had the husband, but not the kids or the cool job. Eh, it is amazing what time will do. I didn't care so much (aside from the typical heartache of an IF'er listening to fun talk of children's antics wishing they were my stories and wondering "will they ever be?"). It was just so nice to see them again. Tuttle and Raechel, I had not seen in four years. Hamlet & Abby, I had not seen since 2000. Finally at the last 45 minutes it turned more to the 20 year reunion type talk of "remember this party?" and "Who was it that stole that sign with us?" There were many laughs that last hour. It's too bad it was a two hour drive so we all left after being together for about 3 hours. But we agreed the next time Kim was in Wisconsin (She lives in California now after having spent 3 years in Germany) that we should have a reunion not at a funeral. And maybe get a few more of the old crew together.
 |
| Kim, Raechel, Tina, Tuttle, Me and Simon - Oct 98 "Up North" |
 |
| Last time Me, Raechel, Kim & Tuttle were together. Summer 2008 |
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Turn Back Time Tuesday: Remembering Ma Higgins
I found out late last night that a friend passed away unexpectedly. But she wasn't an ordinary friend. She was a surrogate mom. Ever have one of those? I have had two. My BFF's Brit and Lauren's mom is one. I've known her since I was about 15. This, however, is Ma Higgins. Ma was my college roommate Kim's mother. And she wasn't like any other mom I'd ever met.
She'd had Chris and Kim when she was young, so when I was 19 and met her the first day Kim and I moved in together at Whitewater fifteen years ago, I think she was 40. Maybe 41. And they were from a "good old" Wisconsin town where it was a unwritten rule that if you had a parent with you, you could drink underage. (Gotta just love Wisconsin). Kim's parents were divorced from when she was little, and Ma loved to have us come back to town on the weekend, and go out and party with her. And she was happy to have a housefull (I'm talking 15-20 of us) come and have a party at her house. She always said she knew college kids were going to drink, better to have us under her roof where she could watch out for us, keep us from driving, etc.
Kim and I lived together the entire 3 years we went to Whitewater together. And when I graduated, I still came to visit at least twice a year. When I moved to West Virginia, I even made a special trip down to NC to see a Nascar Race to meet up with the Higgins clan (and I hate Nascar). But it was a chance to see my friends. And I considered Ma a friend, not just my friend's mother. We exchanged cards and Christmas presents until only a few years ago. She was the biggest Packer fan I ever knew. Her entire bathroom was decorated in Packer gear. So when working at the TV station in Wisconsin, when I got my hands on two great (copy written - ssshhhh!) pics of inside the locker room with Brett Farve, I copied them, printed them out on 5x7 and mailed them to her. Along with an autograph of Donald Driver I scored for her. Small tokens to show my appreciation, but to her - coveted Fan pieces to brag to everyone that her "Miss Kati" got her.
In the past few years, with her moving to NC and not able to make it to our wedding. Our friendship had been relegated to Facebook. As sadly, most old friends not near by do. Last year she had volunteered and spent a month as a nurse helping victims of the earthquake in Haiti. And was trying to get enough money to go back. She has such a big heart. But a month ago she had left a message on my wall about soon moving back to Wisconsin. And I truly thought I'd see her again in the next year. I learned of her death, from Kim, in a facebook message. Which, I understand. Poor Kimmy had to have called tons of people to let them know personally...but wanted to let the rest of us know soon too.
I find myself today thinking of her constantly, and tearing up. She was only 55 or 56. This past weekend had gone to see Kenney Chesney and Tim McGraw in concert. Was full of vibrant energy. I don't know how she passed away yet, but I worry.... I know in recent years Kim said Ma seemed to be drinking a bit too much, and seemed to be depressed (although she always outwardly showed happiness and spunk). And I know on Sunday she had complained of 106 degrees temps in Charlotte.
So my mind races, was it the heat? Was it due to drinking? I hope not. I think that would weigh heavy on Kim's mind, like it was preventable some how. I hope it was something quick, like a heart attack. I hope she did not feel much pain, if any. I hope she knew, how much she was loved. But more than anything, I wish I could have one of those big bear hugs Ma was famous for. And hear her tell me it's not true.
Above is a picture from Winter 1998/1999 at one of her house parties for us college kids. All us girls are piled on the couch with her (second from right) as the boys are in the backround playing cards (I'm on the far left since I set up the timer to take the pic of all of us). Miss you Ma!
She'd had Chris and Kim when she was young, so when I was 19 and met her the first day Kim and I moved in together at Whitewater fifteen years ago, I think she was 40. Maybe 41. And they were from a "good old" Wisconsin town where it was a unwritten rule that if you had a parent with you, you could drink underage. (Gotta just love Wisconsin). Kim's parents were divorced from when she was little, and Ma loved to have us come back to town on the weekend, and go out and party with her. And she was happy to have a housefull (I'm talking 15-20 of us) come and have a party at her house. She always said she knew college kids were going to drink, better to have us under her roof where she could watch out for us, keep us from driving, etc.
Kim and I lived together the entire 3 years we went to Whitewater together. And when I graduated, I still came to visit at least twice a year. When I moved to West Virginia, I even made a special trip down to NC to see a Nascar Race to meet up with the Higgins clan (and I hate Nascar). But it was a chance to see my friends. And I considered Ma a friend, not just my friend's mother. We exchanged cards and Christmas presents until only a few years ago. She was the biggest Packer fan I ever knew. Her entire bathroom was decorated in Packer gear. So when working at the TV station in Wisconsin, when I got my hands on two great (copy written - ssshhhh!) pics of inside the locker room with Brett Farve, I copied them, printed them out on 5x7 and mailed them to her. Along with an autograph of Donald Driver I scored for her. Small tokens to show my appreciation, but to her - coveted Fan pieces to brag to everyone that her "Miss Kati" got her.
In the past few years, with her moving to NC and not able to make it to our wedding. Our friendship had been relegated to Facebook. As sadly, most old friends not near by do. Last year she had volunteered and spent a month as a nurse helping victims of the earthquake in Haiti. And was trying to get enough money to go back. She has such a big heart. But a month ago she had left a message on my wall about soon moving back to Wisconsin. And I truly thought I'd see her again in the next year. I learned of her death, from Kim, in a facebook message. Which, I understand. Poor Kimmy had to have called tons of people to let them know personally...but wanted to let the rest of us know soon too.
I find myself today thinking of her constantly, and tearing up. She was only 55 or 56. This past weekend had gone to see Kenney Chesney and Tim McGraw in concert. Was full of vibrant energy. I don't know how she passed away yet, but I worry.... I know in recent years Kim said Ma seemed to be drinking a bit too much, and seemed to be depressed (although she always outwardly showed happiness and spunk). And I know on Sunday she had complained of 106 degrees temps in Charlotte.
So my mind races, was it the heat? Was it due to drinking? I hope not. I think that would weigh heavy on Kim's mind, like it was preventable some how. I hope it was something quick, like a heart attack. I hope she did not feel much pain, if any. I hope she knew, how much she was loved. But more than anything, I wish I could have one of those big bear hugs Ma was famous for. And hear her tell me it's not true.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)