ER & Fert Report

EGG RETRIEVAL
First off let me say a 1:30 office time for ER sucks.  Hardcore.
We arrived at 1:15 and then sat F-O-R-E-V-E-R.  And yes, my blood sugar must have been dropping because after half an hour of waiting I just turned into a bitch.  I let everyone know how starved I was and that being a diabetic I didn't like not eating.  After almost an hour of waiting I went out to go to the bathroom as a sign of protest of "Hey I'm still in here!"  because you know it would have been nice for them to say "we're backed up, it won't be until X time."  Last time 25 minutes after arrival Jeff went and did his thing, 45 minutes after arriving they took me for retrieval.  This time?  An hour and a fucking half from appointment time to when they took him and then they immediately took me.  I didn't have a moment to say goodbye to him, or for us to wish each other good luck.  Nothing.  Oh, and last time the doc came in to say hello before the whole thing started, and I remember chatting with him in the room before anesthesia, and he came by the room after.  This time?  No hello.  I don't even remember seeing him (although I know with the anesthesia there can be amnesia so I'm sure I talked to him in the room just have no memory of it), and no stopping by before I was released.  Needless to say, I like my RE and my local clinic but Jeff and I agree the Highland Park office staff sucks.  Very minimal amount of effort would have changed that.  Letting us know they were backed up and NOT telling me he'd come by to say hello if he didn't have the frickin' time to!  I felt lied to.


OK so that was ER.  Afterward the nurse came by to let us know they only retrieved five.  Since I had 7 above 17mm on Monday I thought 7 was a realistic number...but five?  I was a little upset.  The nurse could see that and said "That's about average." WHAT? A) No it's not, don't lie to me!  and B) Even if there was some stat that somehow makes this true, average for who?  Women over 35, ok that might a little more sense - but again NO IT'S NOT!  I'm not DOR (or at least I wasn't last time I checked...but sure as hell feels like it now), everything I've seen says they aim for 8-15 eggs.  I'm on several fucking support board where I know anyone who is not DOR gets more than that.  Don't lie to me, all you do is make me not trust you - and something I want from RE staff is trust.

FERT REPORT
Ah the dreaded phone call.   So I tried my best to think very positive thoughts, that maybe I'd get really lucky and having added the saizen HGH and dexamethasone would make it so all five were mature and I'd have like four fertilize.

NOPE.

Call came at 11:45am.  Nurse said of the five only two were mature.  Two.  And of those two, one has fertilized normally and the other they are still "watching".  So one.  Possibly two.  We're doing a three day transfer on Saturday.  (Still never got to talk to Dr Jacob's about my progesterone being 1.07 on Monday but since I've been told we're doing 3dt, I guess he either feels it wasn't high enough to push me, or clearly since I only have just the one it's not worth risking see if it makes it to freeze and I agree, as the chances of that now seem so fucking remote.)

So this is it.  Next two days I get to live in fear of what if nothing survives to day three.  And if they do, then I have to wait it out to see if our journey ends there or in two weeks.  If pregnant, I will get to live in the shadow of having suffered two miscarriages.  Infertility and Loss suck so fucking much.  I'm so damn drained of this.