Thanks to the Temptations for my soundtrack today

So yesterday for Fathers Day I did not test because I did not want it to ruin the day if it was too early and/or negative from not working.  So I went to IL's for Jeff to make his famous eggs benedict and then off to the race track to watch the horses run.  And continued to spend the day thinking "I'm pregnant" because of having to pee every 45 minutes (literally), being super emotional (I spilled a order of fries in their food court and started to tear up.  Cleaning woman saw, took pity on me, and got me new ones.  Sadly she didn't speak english so I'm not sure she understood my gratitude), having had to get up every night around 3am to pee (only happens to me the two times I've been pregnant) etc. etc. etc.

But I took a test today at 9dp3dt and now all I have in my head is the Temptations lyrics "Well, it was just my imagination!  Running away with me."  Yep, BFN.  Not even a hint of hint of a ghost of an evap line.  For my FET I tested at 6dp6dt (today's equivalent) and got slight hints of lines.  Today, nothing.  Stark white.  I even took it out into the sunshine just to make triple sure it wasn't bad lighting that I couldn't see anything.  Ah, infertility craziness - gotta love it.  Or at least laugh a little at yourself because if you didn't you'd have to check yourself into the looney bin.

So needless to say my hope took a bit of a nose dive today.  I still have some, mainly because of the fact that last time I had just a hint of a line on this day so OK - maybe slightly later implanter.  But tomorrow I will be what is like 13dpo and beta is Wednesday...so really there is only so much time left to hold onto that hope.

SIGH.

Oh and I have a UTI.  I thought on Thursday that I was getting one, but then the symptoms went away as the day went on.  Only to keep having a burning sensation when I pee each morning and then diminish as the morning goes on each day there after.  Weird.  So this morning I was like "Screw it, it's unhealthy whatever the hell is going on."  So I called in sick to work and got to spend three hours at the immediate care center.  (Seriously, why call it that if it takes three hours?)  It took an hour and a half before I was given a cup to pee in then I sat in the room just reading my book for another hour and a half before doctor came in (with his fly unzipped too.  And as spiteful as this sounds I didn't tell him because why the hell did it take three hours?!  there were only two people ahead of me in the waiting room at 9am.  Are you telling me sooooo many people came in between 7am and 9am that the three of us had to wait that long to be taken into a room?  Anyway, confirmed there was blood in my urine and high white blood cell count.  (Duh people, I can tell 100% of the time I've had a UTI.  I've had over 10 in 18 years so I'm kind of an expert at detection.  Oh how I wish my PCP would just trust me so I could just call her and she'd call in a script, I had a doc in Milwaukee that let me do that.)  Anyway, it's a bit of an emotional trigger for me since last time I had one back in December, I miscarried two weeks later.  I know one has nothing to do with the other (according to RE) but can't help but wonder slightly.  Of course others are like "It's a good sign of early pregnancy!"  And all I can think is "it's a good sign I've been having things shoved up my cootch for almost two weeks straight"  Ugh.  I would much rather shoot myself in the ass with the two inch needle for PIO each day then the three times daily suppositories.  But I digress.  Jeff has taken pity on me and says he'll grab us dinner so I don't have to cook...off to look at noodles and company website as I think I'm feeling pasta tonight.