So yesterday for Fathers Day I did not test because I did not want it to ruin the day if it was too early and/or negative from not working. So I went to IL's for Jeff to make his famous eggs benedict and then off to the race track to watch the horses run. And continued to spend the day thinking "I'm pregnant" because of having to pee every 45 minutes (literally), being super emotional (I spilled a order of fries in their food court and started to tear up. Cleaning woman saw, took pity on me, and got me new ones. Sadly she didn't speak english so I'm not sure she understood my gratitude), having had to get up every night around 3am to pee (only happens to me the two times I've been pregnant) etc. etc. etc.
But I took a test today at 9dp3dt and now all I have in my head is the Temptations lyrics "Well, it was just my imagination! Running away with me." Yep, BFN. Not even a hint of hint of a ghost of an evap line. For my FET I tested at 6dp6dt (today's equivalent) and got slight hints of lines. Today, nothing. Stark white. I even took it out into the sunshine just to make triple sure it wasn't bad lighting that I couldn't see anything. Ah, infertility craziness - gotta love it. Or at least laugh a little at yourself because if you didn't you'd have to check yourself into the looney bin.
So needless to say my hope took a bit of a nose dive today. I still have some, mainly because of the fact that last time I had just a hint of a line on this day so OK - maybe slightly later implanter. But tomorrow I will be what is like 13dpo and beta is Wednesday...so really there is only so much time left to hold onto that hope.
SIGH.
Oh and I have a UTI. I thought on Thursday that I was getting one, but then the symptoms went away as the day went on. Only to keep having a burning sensation when I pee each morning and then diminish as the morning goes on each day there after. Weird. So this morning I was like "Screw it, it's unhealthy whatever the hell is going on." So I called in sick to work and got to spend three hours at the immediate care center. (Seriously, why call it that if it takes three hours?) It took an hour and a half before I was given a cup to pee in then I sat in the room just reading my book for another hour and a half before doctor came in (with his fly unzipped too. And as spiteful as this sounds I didn't tell him because why the hell did it take three hours?! there were only two people ahead of me in the waiting room at 9am. Are you telling me sooooo many people came in between 7am and 9am that the three of us had to wait that long to be taken into a room? Anyway, confirmed there was blood in my urine and high white blood cell count. (Duh people, I can tell 100% of the time I've had a UTI. I've had over 10 in 18 years so I'm kind of an expert at detection. Oh how I wish my PCP would just trust me so I could just call her and she'd call in a script, I had a doc in Milwaukee that let me do that.) Anyway, it's a bit of an emotional trigger for me since last time I had one back in December, I miscarried two weeks later. I know one has nothing to do with the other (according to RE) but can't help but wonder slightly. Of course others are like "It's a good sign of early pregnancy!" And all I can think is "it's a good sign I've been having things shoved up my cootch for almost two weeks straight" Ugh. I would much rather shoot myself in the ass with the two inch needle for PIO each day then the three times daily suppositories. But I digress. Jeff has taken pity on me and says he'll grab us dinner so I don't have to cook...off to look at noodles and company website as I think I'm feeling pasta tonight.
Ice bar in Vegas 2012
Monday, June 16, 2014
Friday, June 13, 2014
Five years of wedded bliss
Some of you may be thinking - Uh-oh, it's Friday the 13th! Some of you might be thinking - uh-oh, it's a full moon! All I'm thinking is - it's our fifth anniversary! How did time go by that fast?!
Happy Anniversary Baby! You are my love, my life, my everything.
The only thing that is keeping me semi calm at the idea that in days we will know if we are living child free forever is the knowledge that you will be by my side no matter what. And I know, without a shred of doubt, that our life together will be good no matter what the future holds. I cannot imagine going through this struggle with anyone else as you've truly been my rock. You've held me so tight when I was at my lowest points. You've made me laugh so hard I cry, snort, giggle like a five year old. You make me smile literally every day (even on the worst of days when I didn't think it possible).
I think this is the first year we're not taking off work together (since we've had enough days off work the last week with the retrieval and transfer) so instead we're spreading our celebrating over today and tomorrow. I know some people at his work are shocked that my my gift (I requested it!) is simply just a book (The new Diana Gabaldon - book eight of the Outlander series in hardcover). But we're a couple that knows what's important, it's not gifts or trinkets. It's the love we feel for each other. We had said if we didn't get a home loan, we'd take a vacation for our 5th year. And we're both thrilled to NOT be taking that trip. To instead be getting our house that will hopefully be a place of great great memories for years to come. It comes down to, there are so many more years to come - who cares what we do? We're doing it together. So tomorrow, we head off for the afternoon to a casino in Milwaukee - - - where I was living when we first started dating.
I love you doesn't seem like words enough. But I'm glad we tell each other every day. Because I do - I love you truly, madly, deeply. <3 p="">
Happy Anniversary Baby! You are my love, my life, my everything.
The only thing that is keeping me semi calm at the idea that in days we will know if we are living child free forever is the knowledge that you will be by my side no matter what. And I know, without a shred of doubt, that our life together will be good no matter what the future holds. I cannot imagine going through this struggle with anyone else as you've truly been my rock. You've held me so tight when I was at my lowest points. You've made me laugh so hard I cry, snort, giggle like a five year old. You make me smile literally every day (even on the worst of days when I didn't think it possible).
I think this is the first year we're not taking off work together (since we've had enough days off work the last week with the retrieval and transfer) so instead we're spreading our celebrating over today and tomorrow. I know some people at his work are shocked that my my gift (I requested it!) is simply just a book (The new Diana Gabaldon - book eight of the Outlander series in hardcover). But we're a couple that knows what's important, it's not gifts or trinkets. It's the love we feel for each other. We had said if we didn't get a home loan, we'd take a vacation for our 5th year. And we're both thrilled to NOT be taking that trip. To instead be getting our house that will hopefully be a place of great great memories for years to come. It comes down to, there are so many more years to come - who cares what we do? We're doing it together. So tomorrow, we head off for the afternoon to a casino in Milwaukee - - - where I was living when we first started dating.
I love you doesn't seem like words enough. But I'm glad we tell each other every day. Because I do - I love you truly, madly, deeply. <3 p="">
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| Our engagement photo 2008 |
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| June 13, 2009 |
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| 2009 at Sox Game |
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| Fall of 2010 |
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| June 2011 |
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| Aug. 2012 |
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| March 2013 |
Saturday, June 7, 2014
One baby in the hopper
PUPO! For anyone stumbling upon this not familiar with this acronym, it means "Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise". Why? Because today I had my little embryo that is a growing baby put inside me. Isn't science amazing? Of course it needs to keep growing and dividing. And it needs to implant into my lining so I can nourish this baby to the outside world. But first step is getting a mature follicle to fertilize (check), then it needs to start to grow by having the cells divide normally (check). And then you need to put it back into my womb-room (check)!
Of the five retrieved...two were mature, they had said one fertilized normally and one they were still "watching". Well that one never got going. So this is it. This is the one. They checked it last night and again this morning and it had continued to grow so they know it had not arrested before putting in me. On day 3, 72 hours after fertilization - it should be 6-9 cells. Mine at 8am this morning... instead of 72 hours, it had been about 61 hours and it was at five cells. So really seems to be on track growth wise. And I was told it had "less than 5% fragmentation" which is awesome! (You do not want fragmentation.) But I do not think they grade embryo's at such early stage, and they didn't give me a grade so I'm just going to believe it's the best it can be.
As like last time, I didn't get a picture of it (I don't know why my clinic doesn't when other do). But I did get to see it on screen in the dish and it looked perfect to me! The tech who uses the ultrasound to help guide Dr. J kept referring to it as our "little stinker" (he has a funny to listen to New York accent). And I couldn't help think, it will only be a little stinker if/when it has dirty diapers to change. Please become a true little stinker!
This time the Valium didn't give me the massive giggles, but little fits of giggles here and there. But before we left the house - I said to Jeff "You know, I'm a fairly good looking lady. And you're a handsome man. Let's go make us one hell of a cute kid." And in the room, Jeff held my hand and kissed me before we got going. I will hold that memory no matter what happens. The look of love Jeff had for me at that moment. So I've been chillin the rest of the day on the couch. While the valium didn't give me the giggles, it did make me soooo mellow and sleepy. Of course, I didn't get much sleep last time from the sheer anticipation. I think I finally got to sleep on the couch about 2am (Jeff started snoring last night which doesn't bother me often, but if I'm nervous then I can't filter it out so at 12:30am I moved to the couch) So I got maybe five hours sleep. But once home, I've taken two naps - each about two hours. Aaaahhhh naps. After today I have four more days off work, then two days of short shifts and a weekend off. They reminded me that I'm not on bed rest, I'm on "couch potato rest" and I explained...I am an expert at that! So off I go to spend more time kicking back on the couch.
Of the five retrieved...two were mature, they had said one fertilized normally and one they were still "watching". Well that one never got going. So this is it. This is the one. They checked it last night and again this morning and it had continued to grow so they know it had not arrested before putting in me. On day 3, 72 hours after fertilization - it should be 6-9 cells. Mine at 8am this morning... instead of 72 hours, it had been about 61 hours and it was at five cells. So really seems to be on track growth wise. And I was told it had "less than 5% fragmentation" which is awesome! (You do not want fragmentation.) But I do not think they grade embryo's at such early stage, and they didn't give me a grade so I'm just going to believe it's the best it can be.
As like last time, I didn't get a picture of it (I don't know why my clinic doesn't when other do). But I did get to see it on screen in the dish and it looked perfect to me! The tech who uses the ultrasound to help guide Dr. J kept referring to it as our "little stinker" (he has a funny to listen to New York accent). And I couldn't help think, it will only be a little stinker if/when it has dirty diapers to change. Please become a true little stinker!
This time the Valium didn't give me the massive giggles, but little fits of giggles here and there. But before we left the house - I said to Jeff "You know, I'm a fairly good looking lady. And you're a handsome man. Let's go make us one hell of a cute kid." And in the room, Jeff held my hand and kissed me before we got going. I will hold that memory no matter what happens. The look of love Jeff had for me at that moment. So I've been chillin the rest of the day on the couch. While the valium didn't give me the giggles, it did make me soooo mellow and sleepy. Of course, I didn't get much sleep last time from the sheer anticipation. I think I finally got to sleep on the couch about 2am (Jeff started snoring last night which doesn't bother me often, but if I'm nervous then I can't filter it out so at 12:30am I moved to the couch) So I got maybe five hours sleep. But once home, I've taken two naps - each about two hours. Aaaahhhh naps. After today I have four more days off work, then two days of short shifts and a weekend off. They reminded me that I'm not on bed rest, I'm on "couch potato rest" and I explained...I am an expert at that! So off I go to spend more time kicking back on the couch.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
ER & Fert Report
EGG RETRIEVAL
First off let me say a 1:30 office time for ER sucks. Hardcore.
We arrived at 1:15 and then sat F-O-R-E-V-E-R. And yes, my blood sugar must have been dropping because after half an hour of waiting I just turned into a bitch. I let everyone know how starved I was and that being a diabetic I didn't like not eating. After almost an hour of waiting I went out to go to the bathroom as a sign of protest of "Hey I'm still in here!" because you know it would have been nice for them to say "we're backed up, it won't be until X time." Last time 25 minutes after arrival Jeff went and did his thing, 45 minutes after arriving they took me for retrieval. This time? An hour and a fucking half from appointment time to when they took him and then they immediately took me. I didn't have a moment to say goodbye to him, or for us to wish each other good luck. Nothing. Oh, and last time the doc came in to say hello before the whole thing started, and I remember chatting with him in the room before anesthesia, and he came by the room after. This time? No hello. I don't even remember seeing him (although I know with the anesthesia there can be amnesia so I'm sure I talked to him in the room just have no memory of it), and no stopping by before I was released. Needless to say, I like my RE and my local clinic but Jeff and I agree the Highland Park office staff sucks. Very minimal amount of effort would have changed that. Letting us know they were backed up and NOT telling me he'd come by to say hello if he didn't have the frickin' time to! I felt lied to.
OK so that was ER. Afterward the nurse came by to let us know they only retrieved five. Since I had 7 above 17mm on Monday I thought 7 was a realistic number...but five? I was a little upset. The nurse could see that and said "That's about average." WHAT? A) No it's not, don't lie to me! and B) Even if there was some stat that somehow makes this true, average for who? Women over 35, ok that might a little more sense - but again NO IT'S NOT! I'm not DOR (or at least I wasn't last time I checked...but sure as hell feels like it now), everything I've seen says they aim for 8-15 eggs. I'm on several fucking support board where I know anyone who is not DOR gets more than that. Don't lie to me, all you do is make me not trust you - and something I want from RE staff is trust.
FERT REPORT
Ah the dreaded phone call. So I tried my best to think very positive thoughts, that maybe I'd get really lucky and having added the saizen HGH and dexamethasone would make it so all five were mature and I'd have like four fertilize.
NOPE.
Call came at 11:45am. Nurse said of the five only two were mature. Two. And of those two, one has fertilized normally and the other they are still "watching". So one. Possibly two. We're doing a three day transfer on Saturday. (Still never got to talk to Dr Jacob's about my progesterone being 1.07 on Monday but since I've been told we're doing 3dt, I guess he either feels it wasn't high enough to push me, or clearly since I only have just the one it's not worth risking see if it makes it to freeze and I agree, as the chances of that now seem so fucking remote.)
So this is it. Next two days I get to live in fear of what if nothing survives to day three. And if they do, then I have to wait it out to see if our journey ends there or in two weeks. If pregnant, I will get to live in the shadow of having suffered two miscarriages. Infertility and Loss suck so fucking much. I'm so damn drained of this.
First off let me say a 1:30 office time for ER sucks. Hardcore.
We arrived at 1:15 and then sat F-O-R-E-V-E-R. And yes, my blood sugar must have been dropping because after half an hour of waiting I just turned into a bitch. I let everyone know how starved I was and that being a diabetic I didn't like not eating. After almost an hour of waiting I went out to go to the bathroom as a sign of protest of "Hey I'm still in here!" because you know it would have been nice for them to say "we're backed up, it won't be until X time." Last time 25 minutes after arrival Jeff went and did his thing, 45 minutes after arriving they took me for retrieval. This time? An hour and a fucking half from appointment time to when they took him and then they immediately took me. I didn't have a moment to say goodbye to him, or for us to wish each other good luck. Nothing. Oh, and last time the doc came in to say hello before the whole thing started, and I remember chatting with him in the room before anesthesia, and he came by the room after. This time? No hello. I don't even remember seeing him (although I know with the anesthesia there can be amnesia so I'm sure I talked to him in the room just have no memory of it), and no stopping by before I was released. Needless to say, I like my RE and my local clinic but Jeff and I agree the Highland Park office staff sucks. Very minimal amount of effort would have changed that. Letting us know they were backed up and NOT telling me he'd come by to say hello if he didn't have the frickin' time to! I felt lied to.
OK so that was ER. Afterward the nurse came by to let us know they only retrieved five. Since I had 7 above 17mm on Monday I thought 7 was a realistic number...but five? I was a little upset. The nurse could see that and said "That's about average." WHAT? A) No it's not, don't lie to me! and B) Even if there was some stat that somehow makes this true, average for who? Women over 35, ok that might a little more sense - but again NO IT'S NOT! I'm not DOR (or at least I wasn't last time I checked...but sure as hell feels like it now), everything I've seen says they aim for 8-15 eggs. I'm on several fucking support board where I know anyone who is not DOR gets more than that. Don't lie to me, all you do is make me not trust you - and something I want from RE staff is trust.
FERT REPORT
Ah the dreaded phone call. So I tried my best to think very positive thoughts, that maybe I'd get really lucky and having added the saizen HGH and dexamethasone would make it so all five were mature and I'd have like four fertilize.
NOPE.
Call came at 11:45am. Nurse said of the five only two were mature. Two. And of those two, one has fertilized normally and the other they are still "watching". So one. Possibly two. We're doing a three day transfer on Saturday. (Still never got to talk to Dr Jacob's about my progesterone being 1.07 on Monday but since I've been told we're doing 3dt, I guess he either feels it wasn't high enough to push me, or clearly since I only have just the one it's not worth risking see if it makes it to freeze and I agree, as the chances of that now seem so fucking remote.)
So this is it. Next two days I get to live in fear of what if nothing survives to day three. And if they do, then I have to wait it out to see if our journey ends there or in two weeks. If pregnant, I will get to live in the shadow of having suffered two miscarriages. Infertility and Loss suck so fucking much. I'm so damn drained of this.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Triggered, ER Tomorrow
So on Saturday I was trucking along. E2 was 504. P4 was 0.2. Follies were 16mm and below. I felt good.
Monday morning, I go in for my U/S and she said "I bet he'll have you stim for *one more day*. It depends on your blood work of course, but that's my guess."
Welp, they called with blood work and it had spiked up to 1392 for E2 (more than double in 48 hours) and my P4 skyrocketed to 1.07 (hhhhmmmm this feels familiar). So I asked the nurse "Did he mention anything about a freeze all since my progesterone is now over 1? ((as this is what happened last IVF and the reason he gave for freeze all)). All she could say was "Well, that's a possibility. We won't know for sure until Wednesday." So I was told to trigger Monday night/Tuesday Morning at 3am.
3AM?!?! Who does that?
Well, I think that this "batch cycle" for my RE (where everyone cycling is put in synch so that he only does ERs and ETs between June 4th and 12th) there must be a LOT of us ready to go on the first possible day because I'm not scheduled until 1:30 in the afternoon. Thus the 3am trigger. Agh. So ok, I set my alarm clock, got up at 2:40 so I'd have 20 minutes to really wake up (because last thing I want is to be sleepy and do something stupid or wrong when it comes to the trigger), did it and finally got back to sleep just after 4am. But the other problem I thought when she told me this schedule...I'm diabetic. I can't eat before ER because of the anesthesia. I have to go almost all day without food?! Well, she said I'm actually allowed to eat until 4am. Ooo great! So now I'm planning on staying up until like 1am so that I can have a "meal" at midnight so that I have a chance of making it to the late afternoon without eating. SIGH. But whatever. I'll do it.
Based on U/S I should only have 7-9 eggs at most retrieved. Still trying to come to terms with the lower number. But last time of the 13 retrieved, 11 were mature but only 7 fertilized. So I'm (being possibly unrealistic?) hoping that the seven best are all mature and fertilize so that I actually have as many to "work with" as last time. SMH.
See you on the flip side of the retrieval.
Monday morning, I go in for my U/S and she said "I bet he'll have you stim for *one more day*. It depends on your blood work of course, but that's my guess."
Welp, they called with blood work and it had spiked up to 1392 for E2 (more than double in 48 hours) and my P4 skyrocketed to 1.07 (hhhhmmmm this feels familiar). So I asked the nurse "Did he mention anything about a freeze all since my progesterone is now over 1? ((as this is what happened last IVF and the reason he gave for freeze all)). All she could say was "Well, that's a possibility. We won't know for sure until Wednesday." So I was told to trigger Monday night/Tuesday Morning at 3am.
3AM?!?! Who does that?
Well, I think that this "batch cycle" for my RE (where everyone cycling is put in synch so that he only does ERs and ETs between June 4th and 12th) there must be a LOT of us ready to go on the first possible day because I'm not scheduled until 1:30 in the afternoon. Thus the 3am trigger. Agh. So ok, I set my alarm clock, got up at 2:40 so I'd have 20 minutes to really wake up (because last thing I want is to be sleepy and do something stupid or wrong when it comes to the trigger), did it and finally got back to sleep just after 4am. But the other problem I thought when she told me this schedule...I'm diabetic. I can't eat before ER because of the anesthesia. I have to go almost all day without food?! Well, she said I'm actually allowed to eat until 4am. Ooo great! So now I'm planning on staying up until like 1am so that I can have a "meal" at midnight so that I have a chance of making it to the late afternoon without eating. SIGH. But whatever. I'll do it.
Based on U/S I should only have 7-9 eggs at most retrieved. Still trying to come to terms with the lower number. But last time of the 13 retrieved, 11 were mature but only 7 fertilized. So I'm (being possibly unrealistic?) hoping that the seven best are all mature and fertilize so that I actually have as many to "work with" as last time. SMH.
See you on the flip side of the retrieval.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Estrogen Levels etc.
So Tuesday after three nights of stims my E2 was 204, Thursday it was 448, today Saturday after seven nights of stims it's 504. I know classically it takes a bit of a dive after starting ganirelix so I'm glad this time it's raising more slowing than last time so instead of a one day drop of 300, instead over two days it just raised up 56. Makes it seem much less like "Holy crap what happened?" Which is how I felt last time.
Now, of course last time I had a higher E2 at this point. So OK, I might need to stim longer than anticipated. Not a biggie (although I did just order five more vials of Menopur which will only get me through Wednesday). So if I trigger later than Thursday I will need to order even more...but considering all the donations I've gotten that I cannot stop being amazed and thankful for - a few hundred out of my pocket for this isn't soooo bad. And I could go and check with the ladies if anyone has any (I just feel guilty, like I've begged them enough. But I guess do I really have any shame after all the thousands we've shelled out? Not much.)
But anyway, Dr. J has decided to up my Follistim from 150 a day to 225. I'm pleased with this, as a) I have plenty of follistim b) I want to try and get a few more follies added to the bunch and c) since my E2 is lagging a bit based on my follies seems like the smart thing to do.
Even more monitoring on Monday (at which point I think I'll be switched to every day?). But Wednesday I know I have to go back to Highland Park for the intralipid infusion so maaaaybe I can skip Tuesday. But I am feeling more relaxed and zen today than I was yesterday about the fact that I have fewer follies this time around...so even if we only retrieve 7-9 follies - QUALITY is what matters. A bunch of the grads in the 75strong reminded me that their second or third cycles were not as great retrieval wise, yet had better quality and ended up with their little ones. So here's hoping.
But we're about to embark on day-date! We're going to see "A Million Ways to Die in the West" followed by the best burgers on the face of the earth. If you live within an hour of Chicago...you should take a trip to Cary, IL to a place called "The Tracks". Featured once on Chicago's Best. OMG! I've been wanting one for ten days, and we went on Memorial Day only to find them closed for the holiday (What?!?!) So Jeff promised he'd take me today. I hope they still have the "Casablanca burger" - which is a burger with swiss cheese, avocado and grilled pineapple. Might sound gross but I worked up the guts to get it last time and holy shit was it so damn tasty! Food Porn!
Oh, and one other minor tid-bit....
We have a house offer that was accepted. What?! Yeah, it's a short sale so we still need bank approval in the next 60 days and then closing before I go all Bragie-McBraggerson on Facebook...but we finally found a house that we not only like...but got accepted before being outbid! If you remember my "wish list" from THIS POST you will be happy to know it checks all the boxes accept for no hardwood floors and yes the kitchen has linoleum. It should be just under $5K to have hardwood installed in the entire first floor -kitchen included. ($2K if we did bamboo and did it ourselves but let's be real. My DH has installed hardwood in his parents house in one bedroom and swore never ever again would he do that.) So while we most likely will not be able to do that before we move it (**maaaybeeee**), we should be able to do it come next spring's bonus.
Aside from that, just needs holes patched and rooms painted. Otherwise in fairly excellent condition. The carpet everywhere is decent enough I could live with it for a while if need be. It has a cute little front porch, a huge deck on the back, the biggest yard in that entire subdivision possibly. I mean, really - has one of the biggest yards I've seen in any subdivision in our town. We looooove the yard and landscaping. Open concept Kitchen / living room, three bedroom, two and a half bath. Master bath has soaker tub and separate shower and double sinks ((Turns out this was a must have and not a wish because we kept saying NO to any house without it)). Walk in closet in master. Half basement/half crawl (all unfinished). Bedrooms are decent size. And as it turns out another "must have" for me was a space for a formal dining room. I inherited my great grandmother's table and chairs a few years ago after many promises that they'd be mine. They are antiques from the 1880's. In excellent condition. And hell I hauled them in a uhaul to drag them here from Oklahoma. I was surprised at a few homes we saw without space for that. If I ever host thanksgiving or easter meals. Hell, even just a family dinner with just Jeff's side! We need that table. Oh crap, which reminds me I've often said to his mother we never host anything because we don't have the space...we'll have the space. EEEEkkkkk! (dread and excitement all rolled into one!)
Anyway, I will keep you - dear readers in the loop on all things IVF and home buying in the coming week(s).
Now, of course last time I had a higher E2 at this point. So OK, I might need to stim longer than anticipated. Not a biggie (although I did just order five more vials of Menopur which will only get me through Wednesday). So if I trigger later than Thursday I will need to order even more...but considering all the donations I've gotten that I cannot stop being amazed and thankful for - a few hundred out of my pocket for this isn't soooo bad. And I could go and check with the ladies if anyone has any (I just feel guilty, like I've begged them enough. But I guess do I really have any shame after all the thousands we've shelled out? Not much.)
But anyway, Dr. J has decided to up my Follistim from 150 a day to 225. I'm pleased with this, as a) I have plenty of follistim b) I want to try and get a few more follies added to the bunch and c) since my E2 is lagging a bit based on my follies seems like the smart thing to do.
Even more monitoring on Monday (at which point I think I'll be switched to every day?). But Wednesday I know I have to go back to Highland Park for the intralipid infusion so maaaaybe I can skip Tuesday. But I am feeling more relaxed and zen today than I was yesterday about the fact that I have fewer follies this time around...so even if we only retrieve 7-9 follies - QUALITY is what matters. A bunch of the grads in the 75strong reminded me that their second or third cycles were not as great retrieval wise, yet had better quality and ended up with their little ones. So here's hoping.
But we're about to embark on day-date! We're going to see "A Million Ways to Die in the West" followed by the best burgers on the face of the earth. If you live within an hour of Chicago...you should take a trip to Cary, IL to a place called "The Tracks". Featured once on Chicago's Best. OMG! I've been wanting one for ten days, and we went on Memorial Day only to find them closed for the holiday (What?!?!) So Jeff promised he'd take me today. I hope they still have the "Casablanca burger" - which is a burger with swiss cheese, avocado and grilled pineapple. Might sound gross but I worked up the guts to get it last time and holy shit was it so damn tasty! Food Porn!
Oh, and one other minor tid-bit....
We have a house offer that was accepted. What?! Yeah, it's a short sale so we still need bank approval in the next 60 days and then closing before I go all Bragie-McBraggerson on Facebook...but we finally found a house that we not only like...but got accepted before being outbid! If you remember my "wish list" from THIS POST you will be happy to know it checks all the boxes accept for no hardwood floors and yes the kitchen has linoleum. It should be just under $5K to have hardwood installed in the entire first floor -kitchen included. ($2K if we did bamboo and did it ourselves but let's be real. My DH has installed hardwood in his parents house in one bedroom and swore never ever again would he do that.) So while we most likely will not be able to do that before we move it (**maaaybeeee**), we should be able to do it come next spring's bonus.
Aside from that, just needs holes patched and rooms painted. Otherwise in fairly excellent condition. The carpet everywhere is decent enough I could live with it for a while if need be. It has a cute little front porch, a huge deck on the back, the biggest yard in that entire subdivision possibly. I mean, really - has one of the biggest yards I've seen in any subdivision in our town. We looooove the yard and landscaping. Open concept Kitchen / living room, three bedroom, two and a half bath. Master bath has soaker tub and separate shower and double sinks ((Turns out this was a must have and not a wish because we kept saying NO to any house without it)). Walk in closet in master. Half basement/half crawl (all unfinished). Bedrooms are decent size. And as it turns out another "must have" for me was a space for a formal dining room. I inherited my great grandmother's table and chairs a few years ago after many promises that they'd be mine. They are antiques from the 1880's. In excellent condition. And hell I hauled them in a uhaul to drag them here from Oklahoma. I was surprised at a few homes we saw without space for that. If I ever host thanksgiving or easter meals. Hell, even just a family dinner with just Jeff's side! We need that table. Oh crap, which reminds me I've often said to his mother we never host anything because we don't have the space...we'll have the space. EEEEkkkkk! (dread and excitement all rolled into one!)
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| Look at the size of that lawn!! |
Anyway, I will keep you - dear readers in the loop on all things IVF and home buying in the coming week(s).
Friday, May 30, 2014
Monitoring #3 (After six days of stims)
So I'm kind of a sneaky bastard. On Tuesday, Roberta told me to set up Thursday monitoring in Buffalo Grove (since my office doesn't have U/S on Thursday) and one for Friday at my office. And mentioned I'd probably have one over the weekend out in Highland Park.
We yesterday I had my monitoring at B.G. but *hate* the U/S tech there. I can't see the screen and she only measures anything above 10mm. And didn't tell me lining thickness. Nothing! So when they called with my blood work, they said "OK, you'll come in to HP on Saturday." And I thought "Oh, I think they mean I don't have to go in Friday to my office." But I didn't ask for clarity because damnit I wanted to go to Roberta so I could hear and see every little detail!
So I showed up today, she was very thorough and I got all the juicy details. Then went for the blood work and the nurse was like "Um, we have that you were only supposed to come in Saturday." And I totally played dumb, like "Well on Tuesday Roberta told me to set up this Friday appt. so I just assumed I was supposed to keep it???" And they were like, "no - so there's no need to draw your blood since you're going in tomorrow." :::::blushes from shame::::: I figure since I had to pay them $11K (not including meds) for this cycle out of pocket and it includes all U/S that darn it - I can see and hear what info I want from my fav tech if your others are going to be so stingy with info. So here's the news I got:
Right: 16mm, 14.5mm, 13.5mm, 11, and a 7.5mm (((Yesterday I was only told I had three - 11.5, 11, and 10))
Left: 16.5mm, 13.5mm, 9.5mm, 8.5mm, and 8mm. (((Yesterday I was only told a 14.5mm)))
So it's as if I went from only four follies to ten! Big difference! And I learned my lining is triple stripped now and 8.3 (up from 6.5 on Tuesday)
Now I keep repeating the mantra "Quality over Quantity" but I can't help but compare to last cycle and at this point (actually a day earlier) I already had 15 follies over 8mm. Today I only have 9 over 8mm. SIGH.
But I know for quality it's better if they grow slower so those two biggest actually not be that great and I need to focus on getting good eggies. And maybe there are a few more small suckers hiding just waiting to burst forth with growth. But seriously, my fear factor has just jumped since last time I only had 13 retrieved, 11 mature, and nine fertilize all to only get one to blast...I can't help but feel like "If only one made it out of those 13 retrieved...what if I only have like 7 or 8 retrieved?!?!?!" ARGH! I seriously have a love/hate for IVF.
The sheer level of anxiety and worry, mixed with all the hormones, drugs to remember, etc is a lot to take. BUT I am trying to be thankful today as today marked the start of my IVF Stay-cation! 13 days of no work! I can be a big old bloated mess here at home. ((But oddly, I've LOST two lbs this week on stims. Well THAT's different! Only one more lbs to go before I'm back down to my "wedding weight" from five years ago)) Aside from laying around, I plan on tanning outside, reading a lot, and hope to get in visits and lunches with friends and family. Try and make it feel a little more actual vacation rather than medical.
We yesterday I had my monitoring at B.G. but *hate* the U/S tech there. I can't see the screen and she only measures anything above 10mm. And didn't tell me lining thickness. Nothing! So when they called with my blood work, they said "OK, you'll come in to HP on Saturday." And I thought "Oh, I think they mean I don't have to go in Friday to my office." But I didn't ask for clarity because damnit I wanted to go to Roberta so I could hear and see every little detail!
So I showed up today, she was very thorough and I got all the juicy details. Then went for the blood work and the nurse was like "Um, we have that you were only supposed to come in Saturday." And I totally played dumb, like "Well on Tuesday Roberta told me to set up this Friday appt. so I just assumed I was supposed to keep it???" And they were like, "no - so there's no need to draw your blood since you're going in tomorrow." :::::blushes from shame::::: I figure since I had to pay them $11K (not including meds) for this cycle out of pocket and it includes all U/S that darn it - I can see and hear what info I want from my fav tech if your others are going to be so stingy with info. So here's the news I got:
Right: 16mm, 14.5mm, 13.5mm, 11, and a 7.5mm (((Yesterday I was only told I had three - 11.5, 11, and 10))
Left: 16.5mm, 13.5mm, 9.5mm, 8.5mm, and 8mm. (((Yesterday I was only told a 14.5mm)))
So it's as if I went from only four follies to ten! Big difference! And I learned my lining is triple stripped now and 8.3 (up from 6.5 on Tuesday)
Now I keep repeating the mantra "Quality over Quantity" but I can't help but compare to last cycle and at this point (actually a day earlier) I already had 15 follies over 8mm. Today I only have 9 over 8mm. SIGH.
But I know for quality it's better if they grow slower so those two biggest actually not be that great and I need to focus on getting good eggies. And maybe there are a few more small suckers hiding just waiting to burst forth with growth. But seriously, my fear factor has just jumped since last time I only had 13 retrieved, 11 mature, and nine fertilize all to only get one to blast...I can't help but feel like "If only one made it out of those 13 retrieved...what if I only have like 7 or 8 retrieved?!?!?!" ARGH! I seriously have a love/hate for IVF.
The sheer level of anxiety and worry, mixed with all the hormones, drugs to remember, etc is a lot to take. BUT I am trying to be thankful today as today marked the start of my IVF Stay-cation! 13 days of no work! I can be a big old bloated mess here at home. ((But oddly, I've LOST two lbs this week on stims. Well THAT's different! Only one more lbs to go before I'm back down to my "wedding weight" from five years ago)) Aside from laying around, I plan on tanning outside, reading a lot, and hope to get in visits and lunches with friends and family. Try and make it feel a little more actual vacation rather than medical.
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